


All Flowers in Time Bend Towards the Sun

by thebitchofdathomir



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Actually just kidding it’s M, Ben is awkward but soft, Ben is soft, Ben is the movie version of a debt collector and First Order loans is obv shady, Bensexual Rey, Brief mentions of Suicidal Thoughts (past tense), F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I love those tags had to have em, I needed to say is again, I should not be starting another fic, If Rey is the "sun" then Ben is "flowers", M/M, Mentions of addiction (Rey's parents), Plutt sucks, Pretend it's LA, Rey is studying to become a teacher, Reysexual Ben, That’s not what the diner is for, but i am, but we all know that, debt collector Ben, i regret it already;), it's like Rocky meets Drive meets Baby Driver meets all the dumb fanfiction I can crank out, late 90s setting, might be garbage, sadder than I expected, soft reylo, talks about the future and family and things like that, waitress Rey, when he's not in fight mode
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 53,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29142972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebitchofdathomir/pseuds/thebitchofdathomir
Summary: Ben is a debt collector for First Order loans. He has a difficult time grappling with who he’s expected to be for his job so he spends most of his nights at a diner, finding the solitude his greatest companion as he tries to forget everything he is and never was.But then he meets the new waitress and things start to change.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 77
Kudos: 79





	1. 17 Across

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no idea how this happened but I wrote it and figured I'd post it. I'm not sure how long it'll be but I thought it would be cute sooooooo........thanks for reading I love you stay safe

Ben was home for a grand total of two minutes before he went to check his messages and his mother’s voice came through and he decided to just grab the keys and head back out. He was hoping the guilt trip phone calls were ancient history by now. She hasn’t made one in almost two years.

Still, he’s been driving around for over an hour, smoking and muttering to himself as he thinks non-stop of that first line he heard still ringing in his head. 

_"Hello, Ben. I know it’s been a while but–”_

He had cut it off there and charged back out into the night. He hadn’t even eaten dinner but he forgot how hungry he was until he saw Dex’s sign up ahead and Ben pulls in, relieved that it was late enough to be pretty sparse, as per usual around this time. He finds himself at this diner more often than he should but it’s convenient. When he comes late it’s quiet enough and he feels almost normal. Like that familiar feeling people get when they become a ‘regular’ someplace and it takes little effort to go in, sit down, and just kind of be invisible. Pretend like things aren’t so bad. 

Ben gets a newspaper from the machine out front before he strolls in and sees Jocasta at the register. She smiles and nods over to the booth in the corner that he usually sits in. Jocasta has been working here for years and he always sees her and she was very nice...even though her coffee was terrible. But at least it kept him alert but not too jittery so he drinks it. 

He flips to the crossword page as he settles in, knowing he’ll be here for at least an hour until he convinces himself he could be tired enough to head home. 

He used to be able to keep track of how many times this happened but he’s lost count and this just happens often enough where this is where he eats at least three times a week. The later he came, the quieter it would be and there was something about the silence that was comforting. Even if there was music playing or Jocasta was watching a rerun of Lassie, there was tranquility to the solitude and the metaphorical silence he finds so that he can just feel like he’s in control of things for a few hours until the morning came and the pattern resumed.

But patterns were common in people’s lives, he reminds himself. He sees it every day, even at night. People work, question their lives, their existence. Cardo was just explaining earlier that he thinks he has an ulcer or something from work-related stress. All the other guys laughed, even Cardo. All Ben could think about was the laundry list of all the things that were wrong with him that he’d like to chalk up to work-related stress. 

But he stayed quiet as usual. At least that kept things simple. 

And with Snoke, he’s learned that keeping it simple was just the easiest way to live.

He looks to the crossword, skimming through the across and the downs to see if he recognizes anything right off. He would prefer not to think about work when he doesn’t have to and these annoying puzzles always did an adequate job of distracting him if he didn’t have a book or anything else to do. Jocasta steps over with the pot of coffee and he sets out the mug on the end so she can fill it up. 

“You’re early tonight,” she tells him.

Ben could laugh. It’s almost midnight but those are the perks of a twenty-four-hour diner. “I was hungry.”

“Ah, well, here ya go,” she sets a menu on the table. “I gotta tell you though, my shift is about to end so I’ll have the new girl take care of you.”

Ben nods, thinking that will be it but she lingers for a moment and the next time she speaks her voice is a little quieter. “It’s her first day and Dex is making her take the graveyard shift on her own so make sure no jerks give her a hard time. You know the creeps that come in here.”

Ben purses his lips, wondering what he has done to qualify himself as a non-creep but it’s flattering nonetheless. 

“I’d stay myself but my knees are killing me and I'm just exhausted.”

“I’ll be here for a while,” Ben says. It doesn’t really answer her question or take responsibility but she seems to think it does. 

“Thanks, kid,” she says. “Have a good one.”

“You too,” he says as she steps away and he reaches to take a sip of the coffee, and he stalls when he realizes it tastes different than it usually does. As to say, it tastes decent. More than decent, actually.

“Good, huh?” Jocasta says from a few tables down where she’s cleaning things down. “New girl fixed the machine. She’s a natural.”

Ben gives her another nod but just looks back down to the menu and the crossword. It was just coffee. And Ben has never been too picky when it came to coffee so although it tastes better, it’s not like anything’s changed.

He looks back down to the crossword, reading one of the hints for seventeen across.

_Streams from the sun or any luminous body._

* * *

Rey’s break was over in two minutes and she’s trying to be as attentive on her first day as she can be. Already it’s so much better than Plutt’s shop.

She places her book back in her bag and tries to wrangle her hair back up into a bun just as Jocasta comes back from the front, making way for her sweater and purse in her locker. Rey smiles at her. She’s been so encouraging today and her kindness was another thing just worlds away from how things were at Plutt’s. 

“It’ll be pretty sparse from here on out. The same few tables finishing up save for the kid that just came in. He’s at table twelve.”

Rey glances to the door, the little circle window that peeks out to the dining room, and sees the back of a rather large man. Black leather jacket around broad shoulders and a head of shiny black hair. Not quite what Rey envisioned when Jocasta said he was a _kid._

“Has he ordered yet?” Rey asks her, grabbing her pen once again.

“Not yet. He’s a bit of a regular here. He’s been coming here for years but I only ever see him in the night hours. He’s real quiet and he may seem scary but he’s a real sweetheart. He’ll just cozy up in the booth and read or draw or whatnot. And he already loves your coffee.”

Rey chuckles. She doesn’t know why Jocasta has been making such a big deal about the coffee. The coffee maker was a little worse for wear and so she gave it a slight tune-up and made a new brew. Jocasta tells her it’s somehow made the coffee better but Rey just shrugs and gives a smile, not ready to take credit for it but appreciative of her compliments anyway.

“Well, good luck, little Rey. And don’t worry. Things will get so quiet, you’ll be bored out of your mind and then you’ll have plenty of time to study.”

“Good to know, thank you,” Rey smiles as the older woman makes for the back door and gives her one final wave before she’s officially on her own.

Ensuring she had her notepad she steps back out to the front of the diner and towards the man sitting rather lonesome at table twelve.

She approaches him, seeing how he was focused on what seemed to be a crossword puzzle.

“You ready to order?”

His eyes snap up to meet hers. He looks almost startled and she wonders if he was expecting Jocasta and she threw him off guard.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” she says with a smile.

“N-No, it’s okay,” he says and his voice surprises her more than it should. 

She refocuses on the task at hand, gesturing to the menu in front of him with her pen. “You know what you want or do you need another minute?”

* * *

Her question reminds him where he is and he shakes his head at himself. “Oh, um, yeah, I’ll take the–” he forgot what he was going to get and he glances down at the menu, calling out the first thing he sees. “I’ll take the waffles.”

_Waffles? He never gets waffles._

She nods. “Alright,” she says, eyeing his mug. “More coffee?”

“Uh, yeah. That’d be great.”

“I’ll be right back,” she says with a smile, stepping back behind the counter to put his order in and Ben snaps his head back down as he realizes he’s watching her. He didn’t know why. He pretends to be very busy with his crossword puzzle as he hears her return with the coffee and he feels like he’s sweating as she pours into the mug. 

“Thanks,” he mutters, still looking down.

“Course,” she says before she leaves again. 

Ben feels his cheeks heat up in embarrassment when he’s alone again. He doesn’t know why that threw him as much as it did. He knew it was going to be someone new. Jocasta had just told him as such and still, he managed to sound like a fucking moron. 

Ben decides the best way to process that whole thing was to forget it happened at all and remain extremely neutral next time she comes. 

He runs a hand through his hair, irritated that he behaved the way he did but he’s willing to pretend he’s calmer than he actually was. Just like how he was willing to pretend that he didn’t think about how pretty she was the second he looked at her. Those weren’t really thoughts he was comfortable having. Especially for the girl, Jocasta asked him to keep an eye on so no ‘creeps’ would bother her and shame floods him as he realizes his joke from earlier had been a self-fulfilling prophecy and he was a creep after all. 

Ben wasn’t exactly...friendly. At least he didn’t consider himself as such. He was a fucking debt collector for First Order loans. Being a proper son of a bitch was practically in the job description. Something that the other guys took as a serious way of life. Ben on many occasions wishes that he could be like them in more capacities but he’s just not. Snoke notices it, Ben knows and the others ridicule him for how he is but he’s tried to not give a shit and just try to ignore it as he does with everything else at his job. He only took on the day to day stuff though. He knows Snoke runs heavier operations as the steady cashflow means Snoke is still dealing with the heavy contenders in the city. Ben is just glad he hasn't had to run any of those errands since the other guys are always so eager to do that kind of shit.

He’s good at roughing people up, getting them to pay what they owe. Checking off the endless list of errands that Snoke needs done. 

But there’s a reason that he goes home after work or comes to sit at this diner alone instead of joining the guys at a bar or a club. He just prefers to be alone when he can. Being around the other guys doesn’t sit well with him because when he sees how vile they can be, it unsettles him that they essentially reflect the overall lifestyle that he has adopted ever since he got out of school and he convinced himself this was all he was good for. And he just ends up feeling lonelier around them when he does when he's by himself.

Even still, there was a lot Ben just didn’t bother with. There was a lot that he found just didn’t pertain to him and it helped keep his life simpler and quieter when he needed it so that’s what worked. The quiet moments collectively helped him realize what he had become and also forget why. 

He reminds himself of that as he focuses again on the crossword instead. That kept him busy but not too busy as always. Still, he huffs as he sees he’s only gotten one word so far.

He reads through the other hints but his ears perk up when he hears her returning, this time with a plate of waffles that she sets down. 

“Here you go, Belgian waffles.”

“Thank you,” he says, looking curiously at the plate to see a happy face made out of strawberries and whipped cream. He refrains from rolling his eyes, mostly at himself because waffles were kid food. What was he supposed to expect?

“Let me get you a syrup from another table. The one on your end looks empty.” She comes back a moment later setting it beside the crossword. “Can I get you anything else?”

“Uh, no. That’s good, thanks.”

“Alright, well let me know,” she says.

Ben eats the waffles and tries to block out her voice as she gives the other table their check on the other side of the restaurant. As he does he forgets how much he used to like waffles and finds that as childish as they looked they were really quite delicious.

By the time he’s done with them he sits back, more stuffed than he wanted to be but somehow glad he got waffles after all. All because the waitress caught him off guard. 

She returns not much later. “More coffee?”

“Uh, sure, thanks,” he says, sliding the mug closer to the end of the table. 

“Is that the one for this week?” she asks next and he chances a look up at her to see she’s nodding at the crossword puzzle.

“Uh, yeah, I just started it,” he says, looking at the one word he’s written. 

_Rays._

She hums and he looks at her again to see the smile on her face. “It’s almost my name,” she says, looking to seventeen across.

Ben looks to read her name tag but she doesn’t have one. Instead, she just gives him a smile and holds out her hand. “I’m Rey. R-E-Y, but close enough.”

_Rey?_ Maybe it was a nickname or something. He spends too much time thinking about her name though and her face falters as she starts to retract from him.

Realizing why, he rushes to hold out his hand and grabs hers. “Sorry, I wasn’t…” he shakes his head, trying to think of an excuse but nothing comes so he just offers his own name instead, for whatever reason not thinking to give the name he goes by at work. “I’m Ben.”

He doesn't say his own name often because he hardly has a reason to use it. The only people he really spoke to were at work.

Her smile returns. “Ben,” she says softly. It’s the first time he’s been called that name in so long and to hear it aloud is almost surreal. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too, Rey,” he finds himself saying, not sure if he means it yet or not.

“Are you done with that?” She asks next, nodding to his plate.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” he leans back as she picks up the plate.

“Alright, well, take your time. Let me know if you need anything else.”. 

“Thank–Thank you...Thanks,” he stammers but she pretends not to notice as she steps away.

Ben feels his cheeks heat up in embarrassment at how awkward he was but he tries to keep his head down and look back to the puzzle. Only now he finds himself reading ' _Rays'_ over and over as he replays his conversation with the waitress. With Rey. 

He never even told Jocasta his name. He only knows hers because of her name tag. And apart from saying hello and thanks or talking about the weather or whatever they didn’t talk much. 

But Ben didn’t talk to anyone much. 

Maybe it’s just because he was talking to her at all that it threw him for a bit of a loop.

* * *

Rey stayed behind the counter, feeling bold enough to read more from tonight’s chapter since there was absolutely no one coming in and no one to serve. 

Well, save for Ben. 

She glances up at him again as he sips his coffee and must be working his way through his puzzle. She gets the impression he’s not much of a talker and she thinks she might have bothered him earlier when she tried to talk to him. That or maybe he was just shy. Jocasta did say he was quiet. And even if it was a little awkward, Rey didn’t mind. The quiet is nice and much favorable over Plutt’s filthy auto shop and junkyard. And at least this quiet had some music playing to it and every so often there was a decent song.

She’s still so relieved she got the job here. She couldn’t stand another minute with that asshole. He was demanding crazy hours for backbreaking jobs that he didn’t have the tools for and for absolutely no pay. Rey had financial aid but she was still struggling to keep up with rent, food, bus fare, books...actually the list was never-ending. But after this first, albeit long, day at Dex’s, Rey feels hopeful. 

Even if it means she won’t be getting much sleep if she gets put on the night shift most of the time, it’s worth it if she can pay her way through school and get her degree. It means everything. 

And finally getting away from Plutt’s seemed like it had just become that more possible. She remembers being sixteen and crying in hidden corners of that junkyard, thinking that was all she was ever going to be. 

So even though now she’s just a waitress and she’s exhausted and she’s been reading the same paragraph for probably ten minutes, she feels like she might be starting to have a better grip on her life. 

As exciting as that was...she’s still tired and she looks at the clock on the wall. It was nearly two. She takes a quick look in the back to see Snap, the cook, was dead asleep in a foldout chair. Rey chuckles, realizing that Jocasta was right. It gets pretty dead around here and Rey wonders why they bother doing the whole twenty-four-hour haul. But then again, there were people like Ben and she supposes it’s just one of those places that are always open for people that maybe don’t know where else to go.

That was kind of how she got the job. She was walking by and saw the help wanted sign and wandered in. It had been the day after Plutt screamed at her in front of a client because she borrowed a wrench without asking even though it was for the car repair of said client.

She burst into tears when she got home and Finn told her she absolutely had to get a new job. Well, he always said that but he was more adamant than usual that day. Finn and Poe had been ecstatic when she told them she got hired at Dex’s and said they wanted to show up on her first day and celebrate but she talked them out of it, telling them not to embarrass her. 

They were kind of like her family. She knew Finn from growing up in foster care. He was like her brother but they were roommates now. And Poe, Finn’s boyfriend, was incredibly supportive and helped to get her and Finn a good deal on their apartment since he had a friend of a friend who was a realtor in the area. But that’s who Poe was. He knew how to network. Which would explain how he got to be the assistant to one of the city council women. She and Finn loved to visit him at the courthouse downtown. It was a beautiful building and Poe is always trying to sway them both into trying to get there someday too.

But Rey feels confident in her decision of what she wants to do, even if the current chapter of her textbook seemed to be draining the life out of her.

She looks up though when she sees Ben stand from the booth, taking a final sip of his coffee before he steps towards her at the register and she’s a little taken aback at how tall he is now that she sees him standing up.

He’s already digging in his wallet even though she hasn’t told him the total yet. “Oh, um, it’ll be six thirty-three.”

He just nods, but his eyes stay down before he hands her a ten.

She fiddles with the register as she starts to make change, the silence too awkward for her to prolong and she opens her mouth again. “Jocasta said you come here a lot around this time, is it usually this dead?”

He looks at her with that bewildered look again. Like she’s thrown him off by asking a question. “Uh...yeah,” he says, looking around at all the empty tables. “I mean, it’s not so bad. There’s no big rush. Quiet.”

“Did you get to finish your puzzle?” she asks him.

“Oh,” he chuckles, “Uh, no. Not yet.”

“I haven’t done one of those in a long time. And even when I did, I never finished them. Too difficult for me.”

The man shrugs. “I just do them to stay busy. I don’t always finish them. And some of the words end up being pretty pretentious or something.”

Rey chuckles. “I know what you mean,” she says as she finishes counting his change and passes it over. But his eyes are focused on her open textbook.

“What are you reading?”

“Oh, a chapter for class,” she shares, glancing down at the text, somewhat surprised he asked. She figured her questions were bothering him but he prompted this question. “ _Instructional Planning._ ” He looks confused by what that means so she clarifies further. “I’m studying to become a teacher.”

“Oh, that’s cool,” he says, still not realizing she has his change. Rey isn’t sure if he’s genuinely interested or if he’s just trying to be nice.

“Yeah, it’s alright,” Rey says, smirking as she tries to pass him his change. “Here you go,” she finally says and his eyes go wide when he seems to notice.

“No, you keep the change. You know, the tip and...stuff.”

Rey looks to the total of six bucks and doesn’t see what she could have done that constitutes a near forty percent tip. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Sorry, I forget waitresses get tips. I’m still getting used to this.”

“You weren’t a waitress before?”

“No, I was a mechanic.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” Rey says, sort of amused by his tone. “How about you? What do you do?”

“Uh, I work in...finances. Loans and stuff like that,” he says, stuffing his hands in his pockets and looking away from her.

“That sounds interesting,” she lies but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“You don’t look like a mechanic,” he blurts out as if it’s a thought in his head and not something he meant to say. Maybe he didn’t mean to because when she responds he looks like a deer in the headlights.

“Well, you don’t look like you work in _finances_.”

His mouth hangs open as he seems to be searching for the right words and she tries to hide her smile. He wasn’t the best at talking but there was still something rather charming about him and she’s not sure why. 

“Right, I’m sorry. I...I didn’t mean it like–” shakes his head at himself and she can’t hold back her smile. “That was rude of me, I apologize.”

“It’s okay,” Rey laughs. “I’m just messing with you. Besides, I’m used to it.”

Her smile falters as she thinks of Plutt and what an asshole he was.

“Well,” Ben clears his throat, “the coffee was really good by the way. Jocasta said you fixed the coffee maker.” He points past her to the machine, smiling nervously.

“Oh, well, I wouldn’t say I fixed it. It was still making coffee before I did anything.”

“Well, it was an improvement.”

Rey smiles. “Why were you still drinking it if it tasted rubbish?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. Kept me busy. _Awake_ ,” he says, looking to his feet. Rey doesn’t quite understand but she’s not sure it’s her place to ask why he needs to stay awake if he’s tired and seems to be staying in a diner in the middle of the night on his own accord. Or why he needs so many things to keep him busy if he’s apparently not busy. Things like puzzles or bad coffee. 

His admission seems to make him aware that since he wasn’t getting change he didn’t have to be there anymore so he starts to step away from the counter. 

“Well, uh...thank you.”

“Thank you,” Rey says back. “I’ll see you around, Ben.”

“Yeah, you too...Rey.”

He stuffs his hands back in his pocket as he leaves and he nearly hits his head on the door but Rey still can’t help but smile. 

As odd as he was, Ben was as Jocasta had said. 

He was kind. 

* * *

Ben realized by the time he got home that the whole reason he stormed out was because he heard his mother’s message. Or the beginning of it anyway. But as he lays on his bed, flat on his back. That thought is miles away now.

He lays, looking up at seventeen across. The word that led her to reveal her name unprompted. 

_“S_ _treams from the sun or any luminous body,”_ he says to himself.

He thinks back to earlier and supposes that he had told her the truth. It was nice to meet her and he quite liked talking to her. Maybe it’s because it was at the diner and he just feels at ease there. It’s familiar enough. 

Maybe it’s because she just seemed easy to talk to despite how he embarrassed himself multiple times. But she didn’t seem to mind. That smile she gave was almost contagious.

Or maybe it’s because her name is all too fitting and she’s so bright with energy and a really beautiful smile that it just captivates him. And he doesn't take any of that lightly as those aren’t words he normally chooses...but there was something very luminous about her. Luminous in a way that doesn’t irritate him the way most people's good mood might usually do to him. 

He doesn’t know...he just knows he keeps thinking about her.

_Rey…_

The evening wasn’t what he expected but he would very much like to see her again. It should frighten him and in a way it does. But if he’s honest, as awkward as he might be or as unpracticed as he was in casual conversation, it was probably the most pleasant evening he’s had in years.

Maybe it was the waffles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't tell if I like this yet sooo lemme know
> 
> <3!!


	2. Syrup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to see how Ben acts while he's working.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those of you that commented on the first chapter! it was so encouraging and I'm glad to know there's some interest so I'll definitely be working on it. 
> 
> In this one, a few weeks have passed since they first met so they're more in tune with each other as they've spent more and more time together. if I wrote every interaction between them this story would be neverending and I'm challenging myself to write a shorter story for once so...here ya go

“You looking for someone?” Jocasta had smirked as she caught Rey peeking out to the floor about as soon as she clocked in.

Rey plays dumb. “Oh, uh, no I just–”

“Don’t worry, he’s coming,” Jocasta says with a laugh. 

Rey opens her mouth, pretending not to know who she means but Jocasta just laughs. “The other night, _your night off,_ he came in and he seemed almost disappointed to see me. His head shot up to look at the door every time someone came in or walked by on the street. I think you’ve got an admirer.”

Rey had blushed, looking intently into her locker. “It gets quiet and we talk about nothing. Or he does his puzzles or we turn the TV on and watch old movies and then we don’t talk at all. Ben is just a customer.”

She’s been working here for two weeks now and every night she works, he’s here. And every night he’s here, they talk a little more than they did the night previous. 

“‘Ben?’” Jocasta questions excitedly.

“Yeah, _Ben_.”

“First-name basis. How exciting.”

Rey snorts. “You were on a first-name basis with him too. I’m sure I don’t know what you’re implying.”

“No, he never told me his name.”

“What?” Rey freezes, realizing Jocasta only ever referred to him as _kid._ Perhaps she hadn’t known his name.

“He never told me his name. He just comes in often enough, orders coffee, sometimes eggs. Never get much out of him though. I told you it, he’s quiet,” Jocasta says, shutting her locker and buttoning up her sweater before she chuckles and looks back at Rey. “Well, not around _you,_ it sounds like,” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Very funny,” Rey says, preferring to keep it light and casual, not ready to pretend like this is an actual conversation they were having. 

“Not to mention he’s ordered waffles every time he comes in now and he seems just as surprised about that as I am.”

Rey shrugs, “People try new things or want to change things up. It’s just waffles.”

“‘Just waffles,’ well, if that’s what you want to tell yourself–”

“Jocasta, is there something you’re trying to tell me?”

The older woman plays coy as she shakes her head. “No, just saying I’ve seen him a lot in the past few years and I never knew his name. He always pays cash. I can hardly get five words out of him in one evening and yet after your first night here, you got his name and dazzling conversation. I’m just pointing out the obvious.”

“Jocasta, you’ve been here too long. Go home and go to bed,” Rey laughs.

“Alright, alright. I’m going. Good night, dear.”

“Good night. Drive safe.”

Rey tries not to dwell on her thoughts of Ben or what Jocasta had to say about it. So instead she grabs her book and notecards and takes it out by the register to study, telling herself she’s not waiting for Ben to walk through the doors.  
_But what was so bad about it if she was?_

Ben was really sweet and kind of bashful but over the long nights he was such a comfortable presence and a really wonderful listener and she’s really enjoyed his company.

So, yes, she was really looking forward to seeing him again.

* * *

Ben steps inside the upscale club. Trudgen and Kuruk are with him, a detail that irks him greatly. The music is blaring as always and Ben keeps his eyes to the ground while Trudgen and Kuruk whistle and wave to the dancers up on the stage.

“Hey, baby! Long time no see!”

Ben groans and rolls his eyes, knowing the music would cover his irritation. 

A slender woman wearing a tight leotard approaches them. She’s got a tray of drinks and she points to a table. “Go wait over there, gentlemen. Dryden will be out in a minute to speak with you.”

“Thanks,” Trudgen says, leering closer to her, setting a hand on her shoulder as they pass by and she giggles.

Ben hates this place. But still, the First Order comes here once a month to collect the payments so that’s what Ben does. He tries to treat it like everywhere else he goes. A place of business. When he gets the money he came for, he can leave and it will be over. But Crimson Dawn was always a pain in the ass, especially when he had to come with the other guys because they thought it was a free trip to flirt with the dancers and it wasted Ben’s time. 

“Can I get you fellas anything to drink?” one of the dancers asks. “They’re on the house.”

Ben is already shaking his head. “No, I’m fin–

Kuruk slaps him on the back. “Yeah, we’ll take three beers please.”

The girl smiles and disappears before Kuruk elbows him. “Such a fucking buzzkill, man,” he says, smacking him on the back of the head.

“Everywhere we go,” Trudgen elaborates, gesturing to him as if he’s their annoying brother and not their co-worker. “Doesn’t matter if we’re collecting in a strip club or a nursing home, he’s always like this. All business, no play.”

Ben rolls his eyes, not in the mood for this.

“Yeah, probably no balls either. You’re a fucking mess man,” Kuruk laugh.

“More than that. I think he’s fucking defective. We’re in a room full of tits and he’s looking at the table,” Trudgen smirks, pointing at him and Ben feels like this is just a notch above the verbal abuse he used to endure on the playground in grade school.

Thankfully they get distracted by the incoming beers so they shift topics and Ben is relieved when he sees Dryden finally making his way over to their table. He wants this over with and then he’s getting the fuck out of here.

“Gentlemen,” he says, reaching to shake their hands one by one. Ben hates that he goes through this routine every time. Like he’s a game show host or some demented cruise director. “Always a pleasure to see my friends from the First Order. How are we doing this evening?” 

“Good, Vos, how about you?” Trudgen asks, using a similar tone and Ben doesn’t know why he even bothered coming. Clearly, they could handle this.

And then he remembers that if he weren’t here, nothing would get done. 

He waits until the pleasantries are out of the way and Dryden is sitting down. “It’s five thousand, this month,” Ben says and he doesn’t miss the twitch of Dryden’s eye at the mention of his payment. “You got it?”

“Yes, of course. The monthly expenses,” Dryden chuckles but Ben can tell by the tension in his shoulders that he doesn’t have it. At least not all of it. “We can get to that eventually. But in the meantime, please, what’s mine is yours,” he gestures to the club. “Anything, _anyone,_ you guys want, it’s on me. In fact, let’s get a lap dance for your friend here,” he says pointing at Ben. “He seems a little tense,” Dryden waves over one of the girls. 

Ben reaches forward, knocking his untouched beer to shatter on the floor as he grabs hold of Dryden’s collar and a few of the girls gasp in shock, especially when Ben slams Dryden’s head on the table using his tie.

“Fuck, Kylo,” Trudgen whines, catching his own beer before it fell. “Watch it.”

Ben ignores him to focus on Dryden. “I am here to collect the fucking money and then be on my way,” he growls. “If you don’t have it, you probably recall from your contract what lack of payment entails.”

Dryden chuckles nervously. “O-Of course. How silly of me. I forget that you prefer to work swiftly, Mr. Ren.”

“You have the money or not?” Ben asks, impatient.

“Uh, perhaps you and I can discuss this calmly in my office...sir?”

Dryden’s persona bleeds away more by the second. Ben releases him so that he can get up. 

“Uh, you need us or can we…?” Kuruk trails off as his eyes wander over to their waitress that has come to sit beside him when she got scared at Ben’s outburst. 

“I can handle it,” he says, preferring to work alone so they can’t undermine him anyway. He steps around them, shoving Dryden back towards his office. Ben stays silent until the music is muffled. He follows him into his lavish office that seems more like an art gallery than anything. But Dryden stops at the bathroom in the corner to grab a napkin and bring it to his nose that seemed to be bleeding from where Ben knocked him against the table.

“You’re due to pay the same day every fucking month. Why don’t you have the money?”

“Well, no, listen...I have the money,” Dryden says, this time his game show tone is gone and Ben is relieved he seems to be reading the room a little better. “I just...I’m a little short. That’s all.”

“You can’t be short. You know the terms. You give me the money or I haul you into Snoke and he takes something he finds equitable to what he is owed. Whether it is a watch or your fucking fingers. Those are the fucking rules. Don’t pretend to be such an amateur. You’ve been loaning from him for long enough to know the pattern.”

“Yeah, but when the other guys come they usually let me get by since their percentage usually goes to the services I offer and there are no complaints. The offer still stands for you. You can go back out there. My dancers are very friendly,” he chuckles nervously.

Ben shoves him until he’s sitting back on his chair. Dryden seems surprised to be sitting, thinking he was getting sent to the floor.

“The other collectors are using your dancers as compensation for the money that you don’t have?” 

Dryden nods. “I thought you knew. Surely your friends told you.”

“They’re not my fucking friends,” Ben growls. “And I only take cash so unless you have five thousand dollars for me to give to my employer in full, then I’m going to break your fucking nose,” Ben says, wondering if he already broke after he says it.

Dryden holds up his hands. “No, no, listen, it’s fine. I got it. I’ve got thirty-eight hundred in the safe, okay? I’ve got that. But I’ve also got some valuables that will more than make up for the amount remaining.”

“I’m not a pawn shop,” Ben tells him.

“I’ve got jewelry, drugs, hell, I’ve even got a piranha in that fish tank over there. You can take whatever you want. I’ve even got a watch–”

“You’re saying you don’t have any cash but then what is everyone paying with out front there? Coupons?” Ben asks dryly, cutting off his excuse. 

Dryden stammers as if he hadn’t considered that. “Listen, Ren, surely you know you’re not the only one I owe money to and I’m trying to be as business-like as I can about it to stay feasible but at the moment this is what I can give you, but the jewels or anything else is still for your taking.”

“If you wanted to pawn your shit for money, you should have done it before I came. I’m not running errands to save your ass.” Ben growls, grabbing his collar again, ready to punch him but Dryden shrieks, holding his hands in front of his face.

“Whoa, whoa, wait, I can…” Dryden takes a heavy sigh and shakes his head. “I can...I got some rainy day money saved..for emergencies,” he says and Ben releases him. 

“Glad you're starting to gather the weight of the situation.”

He steps over to his fish tank looking beyond the fish food in the cabinet to take out a container he’s keeping a stash in. He counts some cash before turning to him. 

“H-Here’s the twelve hundred. My apologies, Mr. Ren. It won’t happen again, I swear.”

Ben takes it from him, stashing it in the envelope. “Next time I come for the money you give it to me the first time I ask. Don’t waste my time trying to buy me off with your little show out there, okay? It’s insulting.”

Dryden nods and Ben turns to leave. 

“You’re different from the others, you know. The rest of them don’t think twice about all that,” he nods back to the floor where Trudgen and Kuruk were.

Ben takes that as a compliment as pays him no more attention. He strolls back by the table but Trudgen and Kuruk are _busy_ with a handful of the waitresses and dancers so Ben rolls his eyes and keeps walking. He wonders if Snoke is aware of this little arrangement they seemed to have worked out. Ben doesn’t know how he didn’t catch on to it when the other guys were trying to call dibs on this job for the past few months but it all makes more sense.

Ben just ignores them, relieved that he didn’t drive here with them as he charges back outside and gets on his motorcycle. 

The night air helps him breathe a little easier and his rage from inside wanes. He was planning to drop off the money at the main office and the only reason it doesn’t sound as draining, as usual, is that he knows Snoke won’t be there and Ben can just hand the money over to Mitaka or Hux and get his cut before he can be on his way.

Then maybe he’ll go get something to eat at the diner. 

He looks to his watch to see it was nearly two in the morning and he’s pretty sure that Rey is still working tonight.

He can’t help but smile as he imagines Rey sitting behind the register, reading through one of her textbooks. 

* * *

There was a young couple that had come this evening so Rey doted on them all the while paying too much attention to the time and wondering if Ben was coming this evening. Every time she returns to the counter though and sees her books, she reminds herself that she should be more concerned about studying if she had the time to do so. She had a massive test in a few days that was basically a third of her grade. She had to do well on it.

And yet her eyes still stray towards the door.

She starts to accept that he may not be coming and she doesn’t know why that would be so disappointing. She shouldn’t expect a grown man to show up to a diner in the middle of the night to eat waffles and talk to her. That’s pretty ridiculous the more she thinks about it.

Although they chat sometimes, she doesn't know that much about him. She doesn’t know how often he has to work or why he ends up in a late-night diner to begin with. 

However, then she hears the sound of a motorcycle pull into the parking lot and her heart jumps up when she sees it’s Ben. 

Sometimes he shows up in his car, other times on his bike. 

Rey schools her expression, trying to look like she was busy as he steps in. The bell rings over the door and she turns around to see him already walking towards her. 

“Hey,” he says softly.

“Hey,” she says back and he gives a smile. She’s seen him smile before but they’re few and far between. But they’re really quite endearing. “Long day?”

He shrugs, “The usual, I guess.”

She grabs a mug and the coffee pot and fills it up for him. “What’s ‘the usual’ for someone in finances?”

“Uh…” he looks down and Rey hides her smirk as she sees him try to find the words. “Arguing with clients, I guess. Getting annoyed with my boss. The usual.”

“Ah, okay. How enlightening.”

“I don’t know,” he chuckles. “ _Annoying._ It was annoying.”

“Would you like some waffles to help you decompress?”

He smiles again. “Yeah. That’d be great.”

“Well, your booth is free,” she nods to his usual corner. “I’ll bring it over to you when it’s ready. Maybe you can tell me about your annoying day.”

“Thanks, Rey.”

She really hopes her cheeks aren’t red when he says her name.

* * *

Ben was so glad she was still here but he feels guilty when he can see she’s probably exhausted. 

He never knows what to say when she asks him work-related questions so he tries to brush it off with casual answers that were true but maybe not as true as they could be considering he was threatening a man in his own office not even a half-hour ago.

It’s thoughts like that that make him wonder why he’s bothering to talk to Rey or find ways to just be in the same space as her. Because when he looks at her, he sees someone that was working hard to make a life they wanted for themselves. A life she deserved by making all the right choices. All the choices he was supposed to make but didn’t. 

Even if he somehow knew how to act normally around people or how to get a girlfriend, he feels he wouldn’t be deserving of her, not to mention it would only be a matter of time before she found out what he really was and realized what an asshole he really was. 

But he convinces himself that he’s just talking to her during her shifts...or at least making small talk enough for her to talk and for him to listen. He could listen to her talk forever. He convinces himself that he’s coming here pretty much every night now because that’s more or less what he always did, even though now it perfectly coincides with Rey’s night shifts.

And he definitely wasn’t trying to check his reflection in the napkin dispenser to ensure his ears weren’t sticking out from his hair or that there might have been any blood on his face.

Rey steps over to him not much later with the plate full of waffles. He smiles when he sees there’s a side dish of extra strawberries that he didn’t ask for but she must have added after he mentioned how good they were last time. 

Ben has talked more to Rey than he’s spoken to anyone in...he doesn’t know how long. Actual talking. Not negotiating, threatening, or arguing. Like real conversations. He can’t help but feel there’s a connection there that he’s not just imagining.

He opens his mouth to try and wrangle up the courage to ask if she wanted some because he didn’t know what else to say and he might actually be twelve years old but then the bell above the door rings and someone else strolls in.

“Hi, welcome,” Rey greets with a grin and her charming accent. “Anywhere you like.” She glances back down at him though. “Enjoy your food, _sir,_ ” she says with a wink and he chuckles as she steps over to the group that just came in.

He watches her as she goes, glancing more at her legs than he should so he quickly resigns to look at his food instead.

He recalls where he was earlier, sitting in a strip club with Trudgen and Kuruk, beyond irritated to be there. He much prefers it here and if he’s honest, Rey was the most beautiful woman he’s ever met. She was kind and funny and helpful and smart and...way too good for him. 

He takes a heavy sigh, warring with his feelings once more because he knows soft smiles and waffles was all this could ever be. 

And yet that was still better than never knowing Rey at all he thinks. So he will take what he can get.

Once the new group is all settled, Ben sees Rey reestablish herself at the register as she rings up the other couple that was there when he got here. 

He’s surprised at himself. He never paid anyone any mind and wasn’t inclined to seek people out to spend time with them...or just pursue women in general. He just assumed if it was going to happen it would have happened by now so he just didn’t even really entertain the concept anymore. And for the most part, he just preferred to be alone. But he looks forward to her company. He looks forward to just glancing at her from across the room and how it makes his heart pick up.

As if on cue, Rey looks up then and finds he’s looking at her already and she smiles and it incites his own. 

Maybe it’s because it was _her_ that made all the difference.

In a split-second decision, he gathers his plate and his mug and steps over to sit at the counter so he’s right across the counter from her and she gives a mock gasp. “Did you travel all this way to sit next to me?”

It’s the kind of move that just a week ago he would have thought about for an hour, considered all the possibilities, and then talked himself out of it because it would have given him a stomach ache. But maybe Rey just made him brave.

“No,” he lies. “There’s no syrup at my table,” he thinks quickly, grabbing the syrup closest to her and coating his food. “But I can stay if you want.”

“I’d like that,” she smiles, speaking softly. “It’s not such a long trip over to refill your coffee when you’re not hiding in the back corner.”

“What are you reading tonight?” Ben asks before taking a bite.

“Childhood psychology. I’ve got a big test in a few days.”

“You’ll do great.”

“What makes you so sure?” she laughs.

“I got a feeling.”

* * *

Rey gets home when Finn is at the table, eating a bowl of cereal before he had to get to work and Rey slumps in the seat beside him, exhausted. 

“Did your boyfriend show up tonight?”

Rey scoffs. “Shut up.”

“I’ll take that as a yes. He ask you out yet?”

“Finn, stop. It’s not like that,” Rey tells him, pulling her hair out of the updo and she runs her fingers through it to ease the tension on her head. 

“Yeah, and I used to go across town to go to the same coffee shop that Poe was going to because I wanted to ask him where he got his hair cut,” Finn says, finishing his cereal and taking the bowl to the sink. “Come on, Rey.”

“Finn, I’m really busy and I just don’t think now is a good time to entertain those types of ideas,” she says, laying her head on the table. She knows her excuses are weak but it’s easier to tell herself this because she’s gotten her hopes up before on people. Her parents. When that didn’t work out, Rey is reluctant to jump into something that may hurt her the way that did. 

“You’re always busy, Rey. You’re always working. You’re always pushing yourself too hard. It’s always easy to convince yourself to make excuses but maybe for once you just trust your gut and let yourself have a crush.”

Rey groans. It sounds so childish when he says it like that. _A crush._

“Besides, he’s the one that keeps coming back to talk to you, it’s not one-sided.”

Rey looks up at him, trying to glare because she doesn’t think he should be filling her head with ideas especially after Jocasta had done the same. This was all just so _new_ to her. 

“Contrary to what you may believe, Rey, you do deserve to find happiness with someone. Someone that deserves you and treats you right.”

Her eyes well with tears but she quickly wipes them away. “I’ve got class at noon. I’m gonna go take a nap.”

She hears Finn sigh and she suspects the conversation isn’t over but she’s not ready for it now. Not when her growing feelings for Ben were frightening enough. Especially when he came to sit next to her and actually started the conversation this evening even though it was mostly about her classes and she talked for most of it. 

He said that he came to sit next to her because there was no syrup at his table. But that wasn’t true because she had made sure the one at his table was filled before he got there because she knew he would get waffles. Which meant he had made it up and just moved to sit next to her after all and Rey can’t decide if that makes her want to laugh or cry because it’s so stupidly sweet. 

She decides she very much likes Ben and she doesn’t know what to do. 

* * *

Ben replays every conversation they had that evening in his head. It was miles away from the episode at Crimson Dawn that pissed him off. 

He always used to go to the diner just to sit and try to forget who he was or what he had done after a day of Snoke’s errands. Usually, he just did it himself and it was sufficient enough. It was nice to just have quiet time when he’s so tired of hearing people (like Dryden) bullshit or hearing Snoke give his threats. 

But to spend that time talking with someone who is so far detached from all that, a polar opposite of his life, it’s just refreshing. 

And Rey proves further, every time he sees her, no matter how late it is or how tired she is, she’s just so bright and kind and captivating. 

And when she speaks to him, she treats him in a way that makes him feel like he’s someone else entirely. She treats him like he’s not an asshole a majority of the time and she’s just a nice guy that hangs out in a diner because he works odd hours and not because that’s his best way to try and escape that headspace that keeps him up too late when he’s feeling conflicted about his life or his job or his childhood.

He knows it’s unwise to let himself give in to this facade. To let himself believe, or let Rey believe for that matter, that he was worthy of her attention. 

And yet, he still can only think of when he might see her next. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cracks whip*


	3. Hold Tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is cliché but...I mean, it's fanfiction so I'm not surprised

Rey was panicking. She felt better a few hours earlier when Ben came by and sat at the counter once again. He even quizzed her with the notecards she had brought. 

But then he left and Rey was trying to stay awake until the morning came. Her shift was supposed to end at six and that would have given her an adequate window of time to get home, shower, change, get back on a bus and get to school in time for her exam at eight. The one that’s been keeping her on her toes since the beginning of the semester. If she doesn’t pass this test she won’t pass the class. 

So when six o’clock came and went and Tallie didn’t come, Rey started to get really worried. She tried calling Tallie from the list of numbers by the phone but she wasn’t answering and as the restraint got busier, Rey was running around too much to try more numbers.

Finally, Jocasta clocks in and seems surprised to find she's still here on account Rey told her she had a big test today. One she couldn’t make up. 

“Rey, you’ve got to go!”

“I can’t leave you alone during the rush.”

“Tallie will get here and if she doesn’t then Bazine will be here shortly enough. But you’ve got to go. There should be another bus but if it leaves you’ll never make it but you gotta go.”

Rey seems to accept her logic because she’s desperate enough. She grabs her textbook and notecards, her bag, and her jacket and makes a run for the bus stop down the block. 

She could not miss this test. 

* * *

Ben woke up early to his phone ringing. He must have gotten a grand total of three hours but maybe that’s his own fault. He had gotten home later than usual and stayed up with a stupid smile on his face as he thought about how things had gone with Rey at the diner. 

But as he tries to blink away his sleep he reaches for the phone, sitting up. “Hello?” he says groggily.

“Ren.”

Ben rolls his eyes as he hears Mitaka’s voice come through. “What?” he asks impatiently.

“Ahh, well, good morning,” he says nervously. “Sorry to call so early but Snoke wanted to ensure you remembered to visit Krennic at some point today. He’s overdue.”

“I know. I got it.”

“Mr. Snoke would also like you to come in to visit him during office hours. He’s grateful you figured out what Dryden was doing with the other collectors.”

“Alright,” Ben says, internally wincing at the thought of speaking with Snoke. He hated his meetings with him. 

“Have a good–”

Ben hangs up the phone before Mitaka can finish. Ben groans, now frustrated so he gets up, knowing two hours was probably the most he could ask for. He finds his jeans and pulls them on, stumbling around his bedroom as he gets ready. He had more to attend to than just Krennic. He had Kanjiklub to deal with and Ushar asked him a while ago if he would start handling one of his usuals. Some mechanic that runs a shitty garage and he’s a total prick. Someone Ben could deal with quickly enough.

He brushes his teeth, grabs a shirt, his jacket, and decides he might as well make his way out because he sure as hell wasn’t going back to sleep. His first instinct was to go back to the diner but he knows Rey’s shift is over by now. He’s not sure when else she’s working but she seems to be working constantly. And considering all the classes she’s told him about he wonders when she sleeps. 

It didn’t seem to affect her studies though. Ben smiled as he thought back to the night before and she had passed him her cards and he helped her study. She knew them all so well and he tried to tell her that this test she was so worried about wouldn’t be an issue. She seems so concerned on account that this exam in this Child Psychology course was something like a third of her grade.

Realizing he has no food, nothing to make his own coffee, and he isn't going back to sleep, he figures he’ll go to the diner anyway if it’s not too busy. And if it is, he can get by on some other coffee that’ll wake him up.

He makes for his bike. He’s liked riding that more often lately. 

He heads over to the diner, the brisk morning air is waking him up more already as he makes the familiar turns towards the restaurant. But as he approaches he sees someone chasing after a bus that’s already too far ahead. And it’s not until Ben sees the familiar design of the waitress dress that Ben realizes that it’s Rey. 

Quickly he pulls to the side and when he comes up beside her and calls her name she jumps. 

“Rey, what’s going on? Why are you still here?”

She looks like she could cry as she starts to spill the series of events that led to now. “Tallie never came and I couldn’t leave the dining room unattended so I stayed but now the bus left and my test is in a half-hour and I’ll never make it to school in time and I won’t be able to take my te–”

“Get on,” he says in an instant. 

“What?” Rey looks at him confused. 

“I can get you there in ten minutes,” he tells her, not sure if that was true but he could definitely get her there before her class started. 

Her eyes light up as she looks to the bike and then to the bus driving away. “Aren’t you...don’t you have work or something? I’d hate to–”

“Rey.” He gives her a knowing stare that he hopes she can understand. 

She gives a relieved sort of sigh. “Thank you. Thank you so much,” she says as she moves, moving over and getting on the bike behind him. As soon as she touches his shoulder to balance herself he realizes what he just got himself into. She wraps her arms snuggly around his middle and Ben wishes for a brief moment he brought his car instead. Because it’s very likely that the sudden closeness and contact could cause him to crash.

“Is this okay?” she asks over his shoulder.”

“Yeah,” he says calmly as if he’s done this a hundred times, “Just hold tight.”

Her hands hold tighter and he can’t help but smile as he leads the bike back out into traffic and speeds down the street. He hears her laugh when he revs the engine and they pass the bus she had been chasing. 

He loves her laugh.

* * *

It’s all a little surreal once Rey feels her panic ease enough for her to realize where she is.

_She’s on the back of Ben’s bike as he’s racing to her university._

She rests her cheek against his back to block the wind. Her hair was flying everywhere. Ben’s was a little shorter but it was long enough for the end to tickle her face. It makes her giggle and she desperately hopes the bike was loud enough to cover it. 

She can’t believe he was doing this. It was so nice and Rey knows she’s doomed now. Now she knows she really likes him and it’s the one thing that overpowers her nerves about her test. 

She’s almost disappointed when they pull up to her school because she has to let go and it was definitely quicker than ten minutes. 

But she lets go and hops off the bike to see she had plenty of time to spare. She sighs in relief before turning back to Ben who had hoped off the bike himself. 

“Ben, I can’t thank you enough. This means so much to me you have no idea.”

“It’s no big deal,” he shrugs, stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

“Of course it is. It’s huge and I…” she can’t even describe how big a favor this was so she lunges forward, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. “Thank you, Ben.”

It takes a moment before his arms do the same and Rey wonders if she should have refrained but she doesn’t know how she could. “You’re welcome,” he says and Rey beams against his shirt. Regardless if he wanted the hug it was still reassuring. 

She pulls away to look up at him again. “You get free waffles for life. I’m serious.”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “Rey, I don’t need–”

“Well, think of something,” she insists, feeling indebted to him for doing this for her. “You saved me big time. This really means everything to me so seriously, think of something. _Anything,_ because I owe you one, okay?”

He almost looks like he’s blushing as he smiles down at her. “Alright, I’ll think about it.” That’s all she wanted. She hopes he knows how big a favor this was. He looks over her shoulder to some of the other students arriving. “I know you’ll do good on your test. You’re ready so don’t even worry. But get going. You don’t want to be late after all that,” he jokes.

“Thank you,” she says with a smile.

* * *

Ben watches her spin around and head for the building on the other side of the grass. His heart is still pounding too fast and he hopes she didn’t notice it only picked up once she hugged him but he couldn’t help it. He doesn’t remember the last time he hugged someone. Maybe his mother when he was little but he can’t recall anything else. He didn’t like people touching him. But over the last ten minutes that might have changed.

Any traces of exhaustion are long gone and he is wide awake. Although maybe he’s not thinking as rationally as he can as he finds himself calling to her before she’s too far away. “Rey!”

She spins around, stopping in her tracks and he jogs to meet up with her. 

“Yeah?” she looks up at him and he’s relieved to see her possible tears from earlier are untraceable. 

“Uh..” he clears his throat, trying to think clearly. “Listen, if you...you know, ever need rides anywhere, call me okay?”

She smiles softly. “Thank you, that’s too nice of you...only, I don’t have your number.”

He didn’t think about that. He just blurted out that offer, feeling bold. 

“Here,” she pulls out a blank notecard and passes it and a pen to him so he can write it down. He manages to remember his phone number to scribble it in nervous penmanship. By the time he passes it back to her, he realizes she’s written her own and passes him a scrap of paper.

 _Rey,_ she wrote above the digits. As if he would ever forget who wrote it.

“I’ll see you later then?”

“Yeah. yeah. Of course,” he chuckles nervously. “They aren’t making you work graveyard tonight are they?”

“No, thank goodness. I’ll be exhausted after this,” she nods back to the school. “But tomorrow I’m working in the evening. I start at six and I get off at midnight. That’s a bit more agreeable.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he promises. “Unless you need a ride,” he points to his number.

“I just might,” she says with a smile. “Thank you again, Ben. This is so kind of you.”

“My pleasure, Rey,” he says and this time when she turns around he doesn’t stop her.

He strolls back to his bike as she disappears into the building and when she’s gone he looks down to the paper to see her number and her name with a heart next to it and he feels like he’s melting. 

He tucks it safely in his jacket, even though he’s pretty sure he’s memorized it already. Because if he lost it, he’d never forgive himself. 

* * *

The next day, he shows up at nine.

It took great restraint not to show up at six when her shift started. He figured that would be probably pretty desperate. But it’s not like he had anything to lose...or like he would know what he’s doing to really recognize how desperate that seemed but again, he doesn’t care.

She had called him last night. Not because she needed a ride but just because she wanted to say thank you again and he had blushed so furiously and he actually caught sight of it in one of his mirrors and it was horrifying as he started to think of all the times he might have had such a reaction in front of her.

After they said goodnight and he hung up, he fell face-first into his pillow and groaned, embarrassed. He didn’t know why he was the way he was or why Rey seemed to bring all of this out of him but as exhilarating as it was at times it was also exhausting. 

And yet, it’s not like any of that deterred him from showing up to the diner. Hell, it took all his willpower not to show up at six. But the last few hours had dragged.

Since it was earlier there was one other waitress working and not as many seats open but still sparse enough that Ben snags a spot at the counter. Not the one closest to the register but sufficient enough. 

He runs a hand through his hair. He took a shower before he came. He had gotten into a fight at Kanjiklub with Tasu Leech once he insisted he didn’t owe anything and then tried to make a run for it. Over just seven hundred dollars too. The guy was drowning. 

He tries not to think about that now though, especially when Rey steps out from the kitchen. She doesn’t see him yet as she’s talking to the chef from the back and grabbing a notepad. But he tries not to react too much when she catches sight of him and she gives the brightest sort of smile. His breath gets caught in his throat as she makes her way over and he finally admits to himself he’s been waiting to see her all day.

Or rather, he’s been waiting to see her since he last saw her.

“Hi,” she says, moving to lean over closer to him. 

“Hey,” he says, his voice groggy from not speaking in several hours and he clears his throat. “Hi.”

“You’re here early,” she notices. 

He tries to think of something but he just shrugs. “You said you were working earlier.” He wants to take it back as soon as he said it. _That sounded creepy, right?_ Why was he so bad at this?

But Rey doesn’t seem to have that same reaction. Instead, she gives a warm sort of smile. “Well, I’m glad you came.”

He can feel his ears start to heat up and he quickly thinks of something else to keep the approaching blush at bay. “Did you find out what you got on that test?”

“Oh, not yet. I think it could be a while before I know.”

“How do you think you did?”

“I think I might have done alright.”

“‘Alright?’” Ben chuckles. “Rey, I guarantee you did better than ‘alright.’”

“Rey!”

Ben looks over to see the other waitress nodding to the occupied tables, looking for assistance. “Coming. Sorry,” Rey calls out, standing up straight. “I’ll be back. What do you want tonight? Waffles?”

He smirks. “Yeah, sure.”

“Everything you get is one me.”

He shakes his head, ready to deny that but he doesn’t find his words in time as she turns back to place the order through the kitchen window. She works so hard to pay her way through college. He didn’t want her to buy him waffles just because she thinks she has to. But maybe that could be discussed later. 

She moves on to the other tables and Ben sticks his head down. He already did the crossword puzzle for this week so he didn’t have much to do. He needs to think of something though because he’s too jittery. So he grabs a napkin from the dispenser and takes out his pen, opting to draw on it. That always worked when there was nothing else.

He always throws them away because he only ever draws on napkins but he finds it oddly relaxing, usually just drawing things he sees around the diner. The syrup, the sugar packets, the register. Stuff like that. 

But then a plate of waffles slides into his vision and he looks up to see her again. 

“There’s a bit of a rush right now but I’ll come to see you when it slows down,” she tells him. “You want coffee?”

“Yeah, sure,” he says, fixated on how a strand of hair had fallen from her bun and he imagines a reality where he was brave enough to brush it behind her ear. He rolls his eyes at himself as she leaves again. 

_Why am I so embarrassing?_ he asks himself.

* * *

Things finally slow down and Bazine clocks out (earlier than she’s supposed to but apparently her boyfriend was taking her someplace). Rey said it was no big deal after the slight crowd drained out. Besides, she would prefer to be able to talk to Ben without Bazine snapping at her.

Her shift was nearly done. Tallie would be in for the night shift this evening. Apparently the other morning her power had gone out and her alarm didn’t go off. Tallie apologized profusely but Rey immediately forgave her. It was easy since that morning turned out just fine. More than fine since Ben gave her a ride. 

She approaches him quietly, admiring the little things about him. He seems busy writing something and she suspects he must be working on another puzzle. But as she gets closer she sees he’s drawing on a napkin and it’s quite good.

“Ben, I didn’t know you drew,” she says as she comes to lean on the counter across from him. “You’re really good.” He snorts, setting the napkin aside. “No, I mean it.”

“They’re just doodles. I usually just toss them when I’m done.”

“No,” Rey says, almost horrified. “We need to keep these.”

He chuckles, sliding the napkin over to her. “Well, you can have it if you want. I don’t have any use for it.”

Rey takes it, admiring it closer. He had drawn the things around him and as plain as they seemed in real life they look quite charming in blue ballpoint pen. “I love it.”

He looks up at her with an embarrassed sort of smile before he shrugs, taking another sip of his coffee. She spares him from going on about it, tucking it in her apron pocket and slumping her elbows against the counter. 

“Rey?”

“Hmm?”

“You don’t have to buy me waffles. I hope you know that.”

She did, but she wanted to. “If you insist. But I told you to think of something. Did you have something in mind?”

He looks into his mug and she can see his ears are red where they stick out from his hair. She tries to hide her smirk at how adorable the sight is. “Actually, I was...I thought maybe we could, I don’t know, do something...or something?” He looks up to her, looking more nervous than she’s ever seen him.

Rey’s own heartbeat picks up at his offer but tries to remain neutral but she can’t help but smile. “What kind of something?”

“I was thinking...if you wanted we could go out to a restaurant where we could both eat and you’re not serving me.”

Rey laughs. “I’d like that.”

“Yeah?” he seems genuinely surprised at her response.

“Of course, Ben. I’d love to.”

* * *

Maybe it was his imagination or he passed out and this was some weird concussion-fueled dream on the floor of the diner but Rey wants to go on a date with him. Well, he didn’t call it that but it was implied, wasn’t it? Maybe not. But still, she said yes.

And then she said yes again when he asked if she wanted a ride home.

Maybe it was a fever dream.

It was embarrassing though when he got back in his car and he realized what a sty it was. He had an old take out cup with cigarette butts in it he’s been meaning to throw away. Food wrappers and crumpled old newspapers. 

But Rey didn’t seem bothered by any of it. In fact, she seemed to like his car and he remembers that she was a mechanic and that she knew cars. 

“Take a right at the next light,” she says, pointing up ahead. “The apartments are on the left.”

Ben knew she lived with her friend Finn. But if he’s honest, he doesn’t know much about Rey’s life outside the restaurant or school. “Is your roommate home?” he asks her as he pulls up to the complex.

“I think so. Unless he’s at his boyfriend’s. Poe’s place is bigger and Finn and I share a wall so you know how it goes,” Rey chuckles. 

Ben chuckles, even though he lives alone and he can’t exactly relate.

“How long have you guys lived here?” Ben asks as they both get out of the car. He figured it was the proper thing to do to walk her to her door. Besides, it was past midnight and he admits that there’s been plenty of assholes around this area he’s had to chase down and that makes him nervous for Rey’s sake.

Rey shrugs. “Just since we started college.”

They pass through a gate and an empty swimming pool in the center of the complex before Rey leads them up some stairs. “How did you guys meet?”

“I met him in foster care,” she says all too casually while trying to get her keys out of her bag.

Ben’s heart stops as soon as she says it. _She was in foster care?_

“Oh,” he says sadly. “I-I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what to say.

“No, it’s alright,” Rey says, stopping in front of a door that must be hers. “I’m glad I found him. He’s like my brother,” Rey says, jiggling her keys in the lock until the door unsticks and opens. She seems unfazed as this must be common. But Ben feels shaken by what she’s just told him.

There’s so much he wants to ask now that he knows this. 

_Did she ever know her parents? How long was she in foster care?_

But he fears it would be overstepping to question such things. He knows how fragile someone’s past can be. At least that’s how Ben feels about his own but he was never in foster care. 

He opens his mouth to say something but he doesn’t know what so he croaks like a fool but Rey reaches over, settling a hand on his arm.

“Ben, it’s okay you don’t have to say anything. Things are good now. Better than things have ever been,” she says softly but surely.

Ben hopes that’s true. In the small time he’s known her, he knows well enough she’s someone that deserves to be happy. “I’m glad,” he says back, apparently that’s all he can manage.

She flips on a light switch and Ben catches a glimpse of what home looks like for her. It looks cozy. Well-loved. A stark contrast to his house that was mostly empty.

“It looks like Finn must be at Poe’s,” Rey says with a yawn.

He knows she’s had a long day. He should go even if he’d really like to go inside but he doesn’t know what comes after that. “I should get going. Goodnight, Rey.”

She smiles, stepping forward and he opens his arms to hug her again, exhilarated to know now what it’s like. But then she presses to her toes and kisses him on the cheek. Less than an inch away from the corner of his mouth.

“Goodnight, Ben,” she says softly once she’s hugging him and it’s even better than the last one. 

His brain freezes over, unable to compute what was happening until it was over and he stands there like an idiot, stammering over his words until he finds something useful. “Goodnight, Rey.” Shit, he already said that. 

Rey just chuckles, waving at him as he walks backward for the stairs. “Goodnight...I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Ben is still smiling by the time he’s back in his car...and by the time he gets home...and by the time he finally decides to lay down. 

Little did he know Rey fell asleep the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might be dumb ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> also, if you ride a motorcycle you should wear a helmet. These two are protected by the power of fanfiction


	4. Peanut, You're Whipped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the awkward babies go on a date and despite the cheesy title of this chapter, they actually have some heavy talks as Rey shares some of her upbringing and since it's Rey, it's tragic and heartbreaking as always.
> 
> as usual, might be a mess

Ben looks to his watch. He still had plenty of time but he preferred to be early. Snoke’s current meeting was running long and Ben’s foot bounced as he waits impatiently for the doors to open. 

Mitaka said Snoke wanted to speak with him about what happened at Dryden’s. Ben would prefer to do this another time.

Because he and Rey were going out for dinner. He bites his lip to keep from smiling like an idiot as he thinks about it again. Ben had never been so nervous and excited, possibly in his life. All because Rey said she’d go to dinner with him. 

Just then the doors fly open and Vicrul and Cardo have a man between them, both of them holding onto his arms as they escort him out and he swears back at Snoke. This was common enough where Ben just rises and steps inside, shutting the doors behind him. 

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

Snoke looks up to see him there but he narrows his eyes. “You’re dressed up today.”

Ben looks down at himself. He didn’t think it qualified as dressing up, especially for a guy like Snoke that always wore custom suits. He was just wearing a button-down and a tie with his usual leather jacket. 

“Thank you. I didn’t realize,” Ben lies, knowing he spent way too long trying to decide what he should wear for his evening with Rey.

Snoke drops the subject, thankfully. “I wanted to commend you for collecting the full amount at Crimson Dawn the other night. I suspected something peculiar was going on.”

“I was just doing my job, sir.”

“Of course, I can’t quite blame the boys for wanting to seize the opportunity. I know how excited they get over those girls.”

Ben doesn’t respond to this, annoyed to know their actions would come with no consequences by the sounds of it. 

“But apparently not you. You clearly remain very dedicated to your work. I appreciate that.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“It makes me want to try and persuade you once again for some of the heavier jobs I need done around this city. It’s rare that I find someone who has a work ethic comparable to my own.”

Ben instantly starts sweating. He knew what Snoke was referring to. Some of the more involved illegal jobs that he and his associates operated in the city. The kind of jobs that Ben wanted nothing to do with because if he gets caught it’s over. 

“I appreciate the offer, sir, but I’m comfortable where I am now.”

Snoke seems displeased at his rejection. “You can only climb so high as a debt collector. If you want to make something of yourself, you have to start taking on the heavier jobs. That’s going to get you places,” Snoke gestures to his lavish office. 

Ben doesn’t want to climb higher. He doesn’t want to be Snoke. He already hates himself enough with who he is now. Besides, this was the First Order. He got paid plenty to afford just what he needs. Even his one-story house is too big but at least it was quiet than an apartment and he had a garage of his own. 

He didn’t want much. And more importantly, he knows what he doesn’t want. 

Still, he tries to play the game that Snoke is always playing. “I’ll consider it, sir. Thank you.”

Snoke nods, his eyes focusing back down to his desk. “You’re dismissed. Have a nice evening.”

“You too, sir.”

“Have a nice time wherever you’re going. Clearly, you’re wearing a tie for something...or _someone._ ”

Ben tries to school his face to not react so he forces a kind nod and turns to leave. He shouldn’t have worn the tie. Apparently, he looks obvious. He tries to not let it bother him as leaves, closing the doors behind him.

In all the years he’s worked for the man, he never fails to be unsettling. But Ben was used to it by now. He doesn’t want to let it pull him down tonight. Not when he had a date with Rey.

Actually, Ben didn’t know if this was a date or not. If he’s honest, he should probably tell himself it’s not because if he does then he’ll probably pass out and then Rey will think he stood her up. 

Ben felt like so much had changed the other night. He had been so nervous to ask her if she wanted to go on a date with him. In the end, he didn’t exactly phrase it like that but she seemed to get the idea and she accepted. And then when he drove her home, she had kissed him on the cheek. 

He could swear his face was still tingling from the softness of it.

And then when that euphoria passes, the nerves come as he realizes that Rey said she actually wanted to go out with him. 

He’s never taken anyone on a date but he’d hate for that to be obvious to her if it’s not already. He didn’t want to do anything too big and make her uncomfortable even if he had the cash to do so. He figured she might appreciate something low key. Besides, it would just be nice to be able to talk to her outside of the diner setting. Talking is what they liked to do anyway.

And if Ben is honest, he would like to learn more about her. She mentioned she was in foster care the other night. A detail he can’t help but fixate on because, given Rey’s bright disposition, it had just been surprising. He never would have guessed.

Rey had called him last night after she got home from her last class. He asked her why she didn’t call him for a ride, knowing she was taking the bus. She once again had been afraid he was busy and didn’t want to bother him and he reassured her saying she was never bothering him and his job and hours were flexible enough where he’s almost never too busy.

That’s when she asked him if he wanted to pick her up today and they could go to dinner someplace since she didn’t have to work that evening. He of course agreed, but he felt a little panicked when she said he could pick where they go. Little did she know that the diner is pretty much the only place he goes to so his mind starts working hard, trying to think of other places to eat, and keeps his eyes open as he drives through the streets on the way to the college. 

He had cleaned out his car the morning after he gave her a ride, slightly horrified she had seen what a slob he was and Ben was hoping it looked better now. 

He was almost nauseous but more importantly excited. More so than he ever recalls being. He feels alive.

* * *

Rey sees the familiar black car pull up to the curb and she quickly bids goodbye to Rose. 

“Alright, I’ll see you next class,” Rey says, stepping away but she can hear Rose already teasing her. 

“Ah, the mystery waffle man. That’s why you’re dressed up.”

“I am not. I’ve worn this to school before,” Rey looks down at herself. She had on a floral dress and a jean jacket. Standard enough for her usual wardrobe.

“Maybe, but you never wear lipstick, sooo…”

“Lay off,” Rey chuckles, pursing her lips in an attempt to hide them. “I’m new at this.”

“Don’t worry. You look hot. Have a good time. And remember, if he tries anything funny you just knee him in the balls.”

Rey sighs. “Thanks, Rose.”

She knows Ben wasn't like that. She trusts him.

He looks confused in the driver’s seat, looking at a different building, expecting to see her come out of it but she swoops down by his window. “Hey.”

He jolts in surprise but turns to look at her with a smile on his face, bringing a hand to his chest. “You scared me,” he laughs along with her. She can see his eyes flit down to her lips and whether his reaction is good or bad, Rey regrets wearing lipstick. Maybe that’s too obvious. Maybe this wasn’t a date. They could just be getting food.

“Sorry. Couldn't resist,” she tells him, walking around the car to get in the passenger seat. Once she does she takes a deep breath and leans her head back. 

“Long day?” Ben asks. 

She chuckles. “Yeah. I’m glad I don’t have to go to work though.” It seems like it has been ages since she had an evening off and with some persuasion from Finn, Rey figured it wouldn't hurt if she went out with Ben instead of forcing herself to study. Because she really wanted to spend time with him and if she’s honest, Finn was right. She’ll always be busy and if she doesn’t slow down sometimes, things will pass her by. 

“You look lovely,” Ben says, his voice pulling her out of her thoughts.

She feels her cheeks heat up as she looks at him and she sees he had on a tie. “Thank you,” she says softly. “So do you.”

Clearly, he was as unused to hearing that as she was because he has a similar reaction.

“Where do you want to eat?” she asks him.

“Uh,” he chuckles nervously. “I couldn’t think of anything. I really only eat out at Dex’s I guess. At least lately.”

Rey laughs. “Fair enough. We’ll think of something.”

 _Something_ turned out to be a pizza place that she and Finn order from sometimes. They sit across from each other and Ben keeps smiling every time she looks at him. He was something of a conundrum. Sometimes, she looks at him and he can look so intimidating. But every time he looks at her she feels like she’s melting when he smiles or blushes or even just looks nervous. There’s something very endearing about it. About _him._

“No, I think I have ordered from here before. It’s just been a while,” he says eventually after looking at the pizzas at the other table that seem to have jogged his memory. 

“I hope not because you hated it.”

“No, nothing like that,” he chuckles. “I guess I’ve just been eating out more often lately.”

Rey laughs, knowing he means the diner. “You really like breakfast food then?”

“Yeah. That and the diner is open all night. Sometimes I just can’t sleep or I just feel restless and I like having a place to go instead of going stir crazy at home.”

“Do you not sleep well?” Rey can only get so many hours working at the diner and studying that she has no trouble sleeping these days. Or at least falling asleep. Sometimes she just wants more of it. She usually is out within five minutes of hitting her pillow. But if Ben couldn’t sleep perhaps that would explain why he goes to Dex’s at the hours that he does.

Ben sighs. “Usually not but I’m used to it by now. I don’t need that many hours to get by, but then again I drink a lot of coffee at the diner too.”

Rey smiles, thinking back to when he complimented her coffee.

They eat some pizza and it’s the most pleasant dinner she’s had in so long. But then the bill comes and they both reach for it, her hand landing over his.

Their eyes meet and it’s nice for a half-second before he speaks and says he’ll pay it. 

Rey shakes her head. “No. This whole thing was because I owed you one. Let me take care of it.”

“No, but you said…” he pauses, trying to piece his words together, even though she can see it’s difficult for him to say no. “You coming out with me was what I asked, not that you _buy_ me dinner.”

“I thought…” Rey’s argument falls flat, finding his own to be too cute to reject. “Can we at least split it?”

She watches him purse his lips, looking upset but eventually, he nods and he moves the bill back to the middle of the table. “Alright. But...next time we do this, I pay for all of it.”

“‘Next time?’” That’s all Rey heard. 

He chuckles. “Only if you’d want to,” he says, looking intently in his wallet instead of at her. 

Rey smiles, placing some cash on the table with his. “I’d want to.”

But as they stand up and make their way back outside, someone bumps into Ben. And given the obnoxious laugh he gives, it seems to be on purpose. 

“Ren, what the hell are you doing here?” he asks and Rey thinks she might have heard him wrong. That or he called Ben, _Ren._

Ben doesn’t look pleased to see him and he huffs once he gets his jacket back on. “I ate dinner,” he answers, unamused. 

“Not alone, I see,” he smirks as the man looks at her. Rey doesn’t like the way he smiles at her and clearly Ben doesn’t either. “She’s cute,” the man claps Ben on the arm. “Didn’t know you could even talk to girls.”

“Shut up, Ap’lek,” Ben grunts, turning around and Rey feels his hand on her back as he hurries them to leave. 

“Aww, Kylo’s got a girlfriend,” the man teases from inside the restaurant.

Ben waits until they’re a fair fifty feet from the door before he speaks. “Sorry about that. He’s an asshole from work.”

Rey nods, knowing how that goes. She only has one question. “Why did he call you Kylo?” she laughs. That was an odd name. 

Ben doesn’t laugh though. He looks embarrassed and Rey fears it could be his middle name and she’s just insulted him. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“No, it’s just this dumb name they call me. It stuck after a while. I don’t think he even knows my real name.”

“God. Definitely an asshole then.”

Ben chuckles. “You have good instincts.”

* * *

It was still fairly early when they left the restaurant. Ben knew Rey had a long day and he didn’t want her to feel like she had to stay out longer than he wanted to but she said she still had some energy left in her so they went walking towards the park since they were both _so full_. At least that was Ben’s excuse so that it would give them a chance to talk more. 

He was thrown off to see Ap’lek walk in and approach him, calling him Kylo. He would prefer to keep his work and his private life separate. Especially because all of those assholes were the worst gossipers and he doesn’t really want to deal with any of that. The less his colleagues know about him the better. And he definitely didn’t want them to know about Rey. 

So he’s glad the confrontation ended quickly. He wants to savor this time he has with rey. Not think about work shit.

They walk, shoulder to shoulder. Ben’s hands are in his pockets but he keeps thinking if there’s a time to reach out and grab her hand it’d be now. But his heart beats so fast and every time he decides to do it, he freezes and decides against it. His hands are sweaty and he convinces himself Rey wouldn’t want to hold his hand anyway.

“I really do love your car. Very classic,” Rey says her head nodding way back to where they had passed it. 

Ben chuckles, his anxieties easing. “Rey, you say that every other time I give you a ride.”

Rey laughs, perhaps not realizing the pattern until just then. “Well, I mean it. It’s lovely and it just seems to nice to have that sense of...freedom. I love to drive but I rarely get to do it. Especially now since I don’t work in a shop anymore.”

“Well, anytime we’re in the car, let me know. I’ll let you drive it around.”

“Oh, Ben, no. You’ve got to stop giving me all these privileges.”

“No, I’m serious. If you want to drive, no problem. Traffic in this city can be so crazy. That’s why I initially got my motorcycle. Helps it go a bit quicker.”

Rey chuckles. “Yeah, I remember. I had never ridden on a motorcycle before but that was amazing.”

Ben suddenly has the urge to ask if she wants him to teach her or offering to give her rides around on that more often but all that comes out is, “I’m glad you liked it.” he thinks back to that morning, recalling how her arms hugged his middle so tightly and how much he loved when he could feel her rest her cheek against his back.

“Did you ever figure out what you got on that test?” 

“Not yet. I think next week for sure,” she says, laughing at herself. “When I think about it my stomach hurts.”

“I don’t know why you’re so worried. I know it’ll be fine.”

She chuckles and leans into him a bit, making him hold his breath. “Thanks, Ben,” she says softly. “If I pass, we’ll have to do something. You helped me study for it.”

“I just read what you had written on the cards, Rey,” Ben snorts, but glad to hear the prospect of another possible date dinner talking thing. 

_Date. He should just think of it as a date._

“Yeah, but still, it meant a lot to me.”

They stroll along and Ben, growing nervous from any silence that maybe lasts too long, blurts out words before he can contemplate what was best. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

She chuckles. “Of course.”

“Why do you want to be a teacher?”

She smiles, her pace slowing and he faces her, trying to pull back on what he said.

“Sorry, should I not ask that?”

“No,” Rey laughs. “There’s nothing wrong with that question.”

“Okay,” he takes a breath, relieved.

“I’ve always wanted to be one,” she says simply. “I guess it all started when I was younger. I actually liked being in the classroom because it felt like I belonged somewhere.”

Ben smiles, his heart sinks though. Maybe just because his experiences in school had a certain... _shittiness_ to them. He was a regular target in grade school until his mom stopped insisting he had to get his haircut and he could grow it past his ears. But by the time he was in high school, he was constantly in trouble from starting fights which was of course an embarrassment to his mother and spurred nearly every argument his parents ever had. 

But he focuses on Rey as she continues, curious to hear more.

“When I was a kid, everything scared me. But I had some teachers that always made me feel safe and listened to and I suppose, if nothing else, I’d like to be that for some children too.”

“That’s...that’s amazing,” Ben says softly. He admires Rey for her determination to help others but he realizes she wants to devote an entire career to it. 

She was the opposite of him. All he did was hurt people and collect debts around the city. And he’s not sure he could ever muster up the bravery to face a room full of small children looking to him for guidance. He knew nothing about children...or guidance for that matter.

Rey smiles, “Thanks. I don’t think I’d be who I am now if it weren’t for some of the teachers that helped me early on.”

They start to walk even slower as Ben tries to find the courage to ask about foster care and if that had something to do with it, but every way he phrases it in his mind sounds atrocious.  
But maybe his face conveys something because she pulls to the side, looking out at the lake as she answers the question he never got to ask.

“School was the only place I had left to go, really. And I didn’t have many friends but it was still nice to just be in a place where I was expected to be and had my name on the desk.”

Ben leans against the tree they’re next to so he doesn’t feel like he’s towering over at her as much as he is. 

“When I was six,” she starts, her voice quiet, “my parents left.”

Ben feels like his heart stops. 

_It wasn’t an accident. They didn’t get sick. They just...left?_

“They were already gone a lot so I didn’t think much about it at first. And the school I was going to was real close. I walked there so I didn’t need rides or anything and I was used to finding my own food. But then bills started piling up in the mail and people would come around banging on the door demanding to be paid. And then the power and water turned off.”

Ben’s chest gets so tight, unsure of what to say or if he’s supposed to say something. His throat seizes on him, urging him to stay quiet. 

“I was so scared and after a few weeks and they still hadn’t come home, it was starting to get obvious and my teacher pulled me aside, asking me when I last had food or took a bath and I just burst into tears. Because I think I knew even then they weren’t coming back.”

Her eyes are glassy and she bites her lip and Ben pulls his hands out of his pockets, certain that by now he should reach for her hand. But then she moves it, wiping away her tears.

“Anyways,” she chuckles at herself, “Mrs. E’di, she was the one that told social services and they put me in foster care. It was…well, _foster care_ , so, you know,” she shrugs and rolls her eyes. “But then a few years later I met Finn and we watched each other's backs. It wasn’t all bad.”

“Did you…” he clears his throat, his voice hoarse and tights he bit back tears. “Did you ever find out what happened to them? Your parents?”

Rey nods. “I tried to track them down a few years ago. I found out they were addicts which kind of filled-in some of the blanks I had from when I was younger. Anyways, they both overdosed on different occasions but both had passed by the time I started second grade.”

Ben feels like he’s gotten the wind knocked out of him. They left her alone. She was a child and they _abandoned her._

Ben doesn't understand how someone could do that? And he can’t even begin to understand how Rey, the kindest person he’s ever met who only ever wants to help people, has been repeatedly knocked down by almost everyone in her life.

How did she do that? How could she manage to find the good in anything after so much pain?

He looks at her now to see she’s looking up at him. He’s never seen her make the face she was wearing. She looked so vulnerable and she must be waiting for him to say something. 

He opens his mouth, unable to find the words. He wants to. He wants to say he’s sorry and that it never should have happened. Any of it. But nothing comes.

So he does the only thing that comes to mind and launches forward, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her close.

He didn’t even have the courage to reach for her hand and he hadn’t thought long about this but when she wraps her arms around him, he takes a deep breath.

They stay like that for a long time. He doesn’t know how long, but it feels good and just...like all he could have to offer her at that moment. 

And he knows that’s not enough.

“I’m so sorry, Rey,” he breathes out.

“It’s okay,” she says back. “I turned out alright.”

“You’re better than alright,” he croaks out. “You’re the best.”

She chuckles against his chest. “So are you.”

He smiles but he’s not. He knows he’s not. And he feels guilty that someone like Rey would mistake him for _the best_. But just as there was a lot he hadn’t known about her, there’s a lot she doesn’t know about him. If she knew, she wouldn’t be here hugging him now.

Ben knows he’ll have to tell her eventually. But he wants to savor this. He knows once he tells her who he is, where he works, and that he’s the kind of person that _left his own family,_ well...she would hate him. And he wouldn’t blame her.

But for now, all he wants to do is hold her. He wants to remember this. 

When they finally make their way back through the park, headed back for the car, he finally grabs her hand and she doesn’t pull away.

* * *

Rey hasn’t told that story in a long time. She didn’t expect to get emotional but she felt very safe around Ben. It took a lot to relay pretty much everything that makes her feel vulnerable. But it felt right to share with him because she knows she _really likes him_ and soon enough she won’t be able to convince herself she just likes him. 

Because she wouldn’t tell her entire life story to someone she just casually liked, she admits to herself, realizing she’s already past the point of no return. 

He walks her to her door again. This time he holds her hand and carries her textbooks. She was almost overwhelmed by how kind he was. It was a quiet sort of kind but distinctly him. Kind enough to offer and say the things that it seems only he could do. Little things that become so significant.

She wishes she wasn’t so tired. She wanted to stay out with him. And when they arrive at the door she’s disappointed to know it’s over for now. She has a brazen thought to invite him in but then she hears that Finn is watching TV inside and she’s too tired to make proper introductions or stir up conversations so that neither Finn or Ben feel uncomfortable when she nods off. So she knows it’s time to say goodnight.

“I had a really good time with you, Ben,” she tells him, taking back her books.

“Me too,” he says softly. 

“I hope I didn’t make it too depressing.”

His hand squeezes hers. “No. I’m...I’m glad you told me. _Thank you_ for telling me. I know it must be hard to talk about and I don’t take any of that lightly.”

She looks up at him, her heart feeling full. “I really like you,” she says aloud. The second she hears it though she thinks she sounds like a middle schooler.

And yet Ben doesn’t laugh. He just looks at her, his thumb brushing past her knuckles. “I really like you too.”

Rey immediately decides she much more than just _likes_ him. 

Feeling bold, Rey presses to her toes and grabs the lapels of his jacket to keep her balance (and pull him closer) as she kisses him on the lips. It’s soft and chaste and she pulls away not long after it started. But it was sweet and when she sees the blush spread on Ben’s cheeks followed by the most beautiful smile she’s ever seen from him, she knows he thought so too. 

And to see some of her lipstick smeared onto him is too amusing.

He has that frozen sort of look again like he doesn’t know what to do but the smile is stuck there. So she takes mercy on him and brings a hand to his cheek.

“Goodnight, Ben.”

He nods, his mouth hanging open. “Goodnight,” he says. She can barely hear it. It’s so soft.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

He nods again, looking almost dazed.

“And I’ll call you if I need a ride.”

He nods faster. “Yeah,” he breathes out. “A-Anytime.”

She opens the door, giving him a final wave and a smile before she closes it behind her, immediately leaning against the back of it, her heart beating out of her chest.

“So, I see it went well,” Finn cracks, smirking from the couch. 

Rey floats over to the couch, collapsing on it. Her face aches from smiling as she leans her head back to look at the ceiling. “Finn, I think I love him.” She feels it so strongly that she almost sounds like she’s going to cry. 

Finn snorts. “Well you can ‘think’ all you want but I _know_ you’re in love with him. You were in love with him a while ago you just didn’t notice. And given what I saw when I spied out the window before you came in, that guy probably already bought you an engagement ring,” he laughs.

Rey is so caught up with her feelings she doesn't even think to bark at him for spying on her.

Finn smiles. “It is kinda cute though that you like actually kiss him for the first time and that’s all it took to convince you.”

“No, it’s more than that. It’s all to do with him. I feel so comfortable around him. I don’t get nervous or exhausted. It just feels right.”

“I’m happy for you, Rey. What’d I tell you? Aren’t you glad you let yourself have a crush for once?”

Rey lets him take some credit. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, you should listen to me about these things more often. And while we’re on this topic I think we should get a new giant stereo.”

Rey smacks him half-heartedly and he laughs, not even bothering to defend himself. Rey can’t even seem to dwell on his jokes at the moment though. She keeps looking to the door, thinking back to what happened on the other side of it as she suddenly let herself realize just how deeply she felt for that man.

“I want you to meet him.”

“I’d like to meet him too. Preferably before the wedding,” Finn snorts, still in a joking mood.

“Finn, I’m serious. And you _have_ to be nice. He gets really shy and I know he’ll get nervous because he’s such a gentleman and I’ve told him how much you mean to me. So if you scare him or ask too many questions or you make fun of him...I’ll kill you.” She won’t obviously but she wants him to know he needs to behave. 

Finn just laughs. “Oh no.”

“What?”

“Peanut, you’re _whipped_.”

Rey opens her mouth to deny it but she knows it’s no use. She is and she might as well accept it. 

* * *

Ben feels so much. He’s not sure he’s ever felt this many emotions at once before. Or maybe he has but joy has never been in the mix before and he’s got the stupidest smile on his face as he manages to make it back to his car even though his knees felt weak. And when he sees the slight tint of Rey’s lipstick on his own mouth, he smiles wider, not having the heart to wipe it away.

When she pressed to her toes, he thought she was going to kiss him on the cheek again but this time she had kissed him on the lips.

And he knows, with ultimate certainty that he’s long gone. He loves her.

_He loves Rey._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they love each other 4 chapters in?!?! WOW
> 
> I think that works though considering canon Ben and Rey held hands, fought together, shared their heavy feelings *cough and Ben asked her to basically marry him cough* after like three days...soooo this doesn't feel that steep since they've been talking for a while now. This was just he first time they went out on a "date"


	5. Two-Hundred and Eighty-Six Dollars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whelp

Ben double-checks the address before he goes in, even though he already knows it’s the place because it looks to be the shithole Ushar described. 

And it was hard to miss because the “P” and the “L” were missing from the sign and someone had spray-painted a “B” in their place. Ben rolls his eyes. He doesn’t know why he lets himself get stuck doing the shit no one else wanted to do, but then he recalls what happened at Crimson Dawn and he hates to think this was preferable. 

He’s never met Unkar Plutt but from what Ushar tells him, he’s an asshole. And that’s coming from Ushar.

It’s fairly early and the shop doesn’t seem to be open yet and Ben hopes the guy is here at all. The shop looked run down to shit and it made the junkyard next to it actually look more appealing. 

Ben takes a deep breath as he stuffs his hands in his pockets and heads inside. The inside is just as bad as the rest he sees as it’s filthy. It doesn’t even look like a working garage and Ben internally groans, knowing already the guy won’t have the money.

And this guy was no Dryden Vos. He had a monthly rate under three hundred dollars.

Ben peers through to a window of what once might have been an office but now just looks like the junkyard version of a bar with papers piled everywhere. 

And a man passed out with his head on top of one of those said piles. 

_Of course,_ Ben thinks to himself.

He steps inside. The door slams behind him but the guy doesn’t move. Ben steps closer, ensuring the guy was still alive. When he hears some faint snoring and the bottle of liquor on the floor near his hand, Ben rolls his eyes.

He picks up the empty bottle and throws it against the wall. The shattering sound awakens the man with a shock. 

He screams, reaching for his drawer. Ben thinks he might have a gun so he kicks it closed, pinching the guy’s fingers.

“Arrgghh, fuck,” He holds his hand close to his chest. “What the hell? Who the fuck are you?”

“First Order loans,” Ben answers in his usual bored tone. 

The man’s eyes go wide.

“You’re Plutt, yeah?” Ben asks.

He takes a moment to respond before he nods.

“Then you owe me two-hundred and eighty-six dollars,” Ben recalls the amount Ushar told him was due.

Plutt shakes his head. “No, I don’t. And I told that shithead Ushar I was done last month.”

“Doesn’t matter how you feel about it. The fact is you still owe money and until you pay up you’re going to keep seeing us.”

“Piss off.”

“So you don’t have it then?”

“Could you not fucking mock me, please? You have no idea how fucked over my business is. All my tools are shit, I only get cheap bastards for customers and the only real mechanic I had around here bailed. Up and quit and left me to fucking drown. So no, I don’t have your fucking money. And yeah, you’re supposed to drag me into Snoke and he dismembers me or whatever but you might as fucking well just do it because I don’t have it. Not to mention I’ve got shit I owe all over town.”

The guy looks so fucking miserable and Ben finds that he’s not really in the mood to drag his ass to Snoke’s office. He's not sure he has it in him. 

And he can’t help but think of what Rey might do in his shoes. Not that she’d ever be in this situation but if she was, she would probably cut the guy a break or at least give him a chance to get the money.

Ben thinks of the other collectors and Snoke, knowing if they found out, they’d think he was being soft. But technically they still thought Plutt was Ushar’s responsibility and even if he told them, Ben could say he got the days mixed up.

And then as if she had a sixth sense his pager beeps and Ben looks down to see Rey’s number appear and she probably wanted a ride to class.

That decided things for him.

“Did you even try to get the money?” Ben tests the waters.

“I’m always trying to get money,” the man scoffs.

“No. I mean, if you tried to get it, could you?”

Plutt looks up at him confused. “What are you sayin’?”

“I’m saying, it’s much less fucking strife for me to bring in money than haul your ass in for a pathetic two hundred and eighty-six dollar penalty. So if I gave you a day, one more fucking day, could you or could you not give me the money?”

Plutt looks skeptical. “What kind of game is this shit?”

“It’s not a fucking game. I’m just not in the mood to shove you in my car and have you puke on my upholstery. I’ve got places to be,” Ben snaps, looking down to his pager. 

“If I get you that money by tomorrow, you don’t kill me?”

Ben rolls his eyes. “I don’t kill people, okay?”

“Deal. Yeah. You’ll be back at this time?”

Ben shrugs. “Probably. I don’t know. Just be fucking ready. If you’re so much as a dollar short–”

“I get the idea.”

“Good. And don’t fucking tell people I give extensions. I don’t. You’re just lucky I’ve got other shit to deal with and your rate is low enough to be pathetic, okay?”

“What the fuck are you worried about? I don’t even know your name!”

“Good,” Ben says, putting his sunglasses back on. 

He drives down the block until he sees a payphone and rushes over to call Rey.

But a different voice answers. 

“Uh, hi...is Rey there?” Ben asks like he’s a kid calling a friend’s house and the mom answered.

“Is this Ben?”

“Yeah, is this Finn?”

“Yeah,” the man on the other side chuckles. “Nice to meet you, well sorta. Nice to hear your voice.”

Ben forces a laugh, wondering mostly where Rey was. “Yeah, you too.”

“Well, listen, Rey tried to call but she had to catch the bus.”

Ben’s heart sinks, wishing he could have given her a ride. But he tries to sound neutral. “Oh, alright. Was she calling for a ride?”

“Actually, she found out that her class tonight was canceled and she wanted to know if you wanted to go out or something I think. But she’s working later this afternoon, so you can talk to her then if you want.”

“Sounds good. Thank you, Finn.” Ben prepares to hang up but then Finn calls out to him one more time. 

“Hey, Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“I know we don’t know each other yet, but I just want to say that she really likes you. I’ve known her for most of my life and...well, it’s just nice to see her _this happy_ for once.”

“Oh...well, thank you. I can’t express...I mean, I’ve never felt the way I do now with her. She’s pretty incredible.”

He hears Finn chuckle. “Yeah...I know. So try not to mess this up, yeah?”

Ben gulps. That’s his greatest fear. “No, of course. I would never want to hurt her.”

“Good to hear. Have a good one, Ben. Hopefully, we can meet for real soon.”

“Definitely,” Ben says, his heart beating faster. He wants to make a good impression on the only person that Rey considers family. This means a lot to him. “Thanks...Finn.”

* * *

Rey took the bus back home after her class ended. She had a shift in about an hour but it was a short one and then she had the evening off. She wonders if Finn relayed the message to Ben before he went to work. She had been in such a rush to leave. And although Ben says he’ll give her rides anytime, she’s afraid he takes that too literally and she could get him in trouble at work. So she tries to space it out a bit and she figured by now he might be on a lunch break and she could ask if he wanted to give her a ride to work. 

But as she approaches her door, she sees it slightly ajar. She tries to wonders if Finn is home but her gut sinks, thinking of the worst-case scenarios right off. Perhaps someone broke in. And as she sees her and Finn’s possessions strewn about, she deduces that to be the case.

But as she peers inside she sees the shape of a man she wishes she could forget.

_Plutt._

And he’s shuffling through her things.

“Oi!” she snaps and he spins around. “What the fuck are you doing in my home?” 

“I need money,” he grunts.

“That doesn’t answer my question. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Don’t talk to me like that, girl. After all I did for you.”

“All _you_ did?”

“You just up and left. You left the shop to play waitress and now I’ve got no one to do actual work for me.”

“You mean no one dumb enough?”

“The way I see it, the shop’s drop in cashflow started when you walked out so you fucking owe me. After I let you work there for years! I taught you to fix engines. I let you sleep in the junkyard when you decided you didn’t like your snotty foster family. I did you all those fucking favors and now you’re gonna let me pay the price.”

“You didn’t give me shit. I told you time after time that I was starving and you told me to piss off. I’m not helping you with anything, now get the fuck out of here before I call for help.”

In fact, Rey was going to do that now as she steps over for the phone. But as she does she hears an odd clicking noise and she looks up to see Plutt pointing a revolver at her. 

He could not be serious.

“I came here to get two hundred and eighty-six dollars and I’m not leaving until I get it or something of value I can sell for that price.”

Rey shakes her head, tears filling her eyes. “Fuck you. I’m a waitress. Do I look like I have that kind of money just lying around here?”

Plutt was never bright. Always drunk. Looks like now is no exception and even though she’s pretty sure he only brought the gun to intimidate (she’s familiar with his tactics), he was stupid enough to fire if he didn’t leave with the money.

This news is discouraging to Plutt as he shakes his head. “Don’t mess with me. I’m in no mood. What about that other kid that hangs around? He keep money here?”

“No. Goddamn it, look at this place. We’ve barely got cereal in the cupboards let alone stashes of cash.”

It was a bit of a lie. Poe told them when he and Finn first started dating that it was good to keep some rainy day money hidden away in case of emergencies. Rey doesn’t know how much is in there but they both try to put a dollar in every week. It was in an old coffee tin under the sink.

But Plutt’s patience wanes out. “For fuck’s sake. Fine, then I’m gonna take what I can carry.”

“No!” Rey moves to block her television. “You are not taking the things that Finn and I worked our asses off to get just so you can pawn them away to pay whichever bastard you owe this time and–”

She’s so blinded by rage trying to make her point and think of what to do she doesn’t even register when Plutt pulls his arm back and slaps her across her face with the metal of his revolver and she stumbles back. 

She feels disoriented and her face starts to sting and she hisses in pain.

“I know you’re trying to kid yourself that you’re gonna be some perfect college kid and get some job that pays an actual salary, but sooner or later you’re gonna realize just like your fucking parents did that there’s no point in trying to be something you’re not. Because at the end of the day your true place is in a junkyard with the rest of the trash.”

Rey covers her face where it blooms with pain. She just wants him to leave. She wants this to be over. She doesn’t want to listen to him anymore, she doesn't even care if he takes their shit. She knows Finn doesn’t want her getting shot over this, he would understand.

When Plutt finds the tin after she tells him where it is and he leaves, Rey curls into herself and bursts into tears.

Still, she forced herself to get up, knowing she can’t miss her shift. Especially now that he took their money and she's pretty sure it had more than two-hundred and eighty-six dollars in it.

_That fucking prick._

* * *

Ben had more errands today than he liked but he was glad after he rushed through all of them and finished early so he could meet Rey at the diner. 

He steps inside, the wave of music hitting him along with the chatter of a daytime crowd that Ben rarely sees. Jocasta is at the register and he approaches her with a smile, but the look on her face concerns him.

Her tone is more serious than he’s ever heard from her as she motions him to come close over the register. “Please tell me you didn’t raise a hand to that girl.”

“What?” he doesn’t understand the question.

“She won't say what it is so I’m only going to let you speak to her as long as you swear you weren’t the one who hurt her.”

Fear grips him and he leans over the counter, his voice low but furious. “W-What do you mean 'hurt?' Where is she?”

Jocasta sighs, pointing behind her. “She just went on break. Go ahead.”

Ben marches to the back door and shoves through. He’s never been back here before. He sees she’s standing at a locker, her back to him. 

“Rey?” he breathes out.

Her head turns halfway, acknowledging him but not looking at him. “Hey,” she says but her voice is rough and when she sniffles he can tell she’s been crying.

He steps forward slowly. “Jocasta, said...did something happen?”

She still doesn’t look at him and he lumbers closer, concerned why she isn’t saying anything. But as he looks over her shoulder to the tiny mirror in her locker, he sees the bruises on the side of her face.

His heartbeat pounds in his ears as he reaches for her, urging her to look at him. When she does she avoids his eyes as she looks to the ground.

Ben can only see the raised and purpling skin beside her eye and her cheekbone. 

“Who did this to you?” he tries to ask calmly but at the sight of her bruised and broken he feels his vision starting to blur with rage and his voice is tense with anger. He reaches out, his hand an inch from her cheek, afraid if he touched her it may hurt. But he wants to erase it. It didn’t belong on her skin and whoever put it there was going to get it much worse. 

Tears fall from her eyes but she wipes them away. 

“It looks worse than it is,” Rey breathes, but the tears come quickly and her lip trembles and Ben opens his arms, needing to hold her as close as he can and he hears her sob quietly against his chest.

Ben trying to remain even-tempered with her in his arms but he feels a part of who he is at work starts to bleed through and suddenly he feels ready for battle. 

“Rey, tell me. Tell me what happened,” he’s begging through a clenched jaw.

Her shoulders shake as she leans into his chest and he holds her tightly as she cries. He’s never felt anger like this before. He’s never been so furious on the behalf of someone besides himself. He holds her close, his nose buried in her hair. “Please...tell me who did this to you,” he asks as softly as he can this time and it takes all his focus.

Rey sighs, “It was my old boss. He came to my place asking for money that I supposedly ‘owed’ him because he thinks since I left his business is failing,” she scoffs, pulling back to look up at him. “I wasn’t gonna give it to him, I hardly have anything anyway, but then he hit me and I was so sick of it and I just wanted him gone. After all the shit he said, I just wanted him out of my life,” she says, looking more tired than he’s ever seen her. “So he took the money that Finn and I save in an old coffee tin for safekeeping and he ran. All that trouble for a whopping two hundred and eighty-six dollars.”

“H-How much?” He must have heard wrong.

“Two hundred and eighty-six dollars,” Rey sighs. 

Ben thinks his heart stops. 

He never thought about it. He didn’t realize it, but as he looks at the bruise upon her face, Ben realizes that it’s his fault. 

Plutt was complaining about his business after an employee left. That person was Rey. And Ben, thinking he was doing a good deed to give the man extra time, was actually all the incentive Plutt needed to break into her home and take it from her. 

This is his fault. 

* * *

Rey shakes her head. “I told him I didn’t have it. Half of it was Finn’s and now I have to tell him...but most of all, just what he said,” she chokes back tears thinking to his vile words. “I wanted to be done with all of that. I wanted that to behind me and believe that things were better but then he says there things that just–”

_Your true place is in a junkyard with the rest of the trash._

“I just hate him,” she breathes out. Rey doesn’t truly hate people often but for Plutt she makes an exception. 

But when she looks up at Ben, he looks pale. Paler than usual. Almost like he could be sick. 

“Oh Rey,” he breathes out shakily, his own eyes looking glassy. “I’m...I’m so sorry.”

She shakes her head. “Plutt is just a prick. It’s not your fault,” she says, moving to hug him again but then he seizes her shoulders and gently keeps her at arm’s length. She looks up at him confused.

“I...I can’t even...Rey, I’m–”

“Rey!” Bazine bursts through the doors. “Your break is up. Boyfriend time is over.”

Rey can’t believe this girl’s manners. Or lack of them. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

Bazine steps over to her locker to grab her bag. “My break starts now and I’m taking it,” she says, stomping to the back door towards the parking lot. Rey sighs in annoyance, knowing Bazine’s version of a break was driving to a different restaurant to get a snack or something when they were only slotted five minutes. “God, she can be so–”

Ben’s voice is urgent as he interrupts her. “Rey, I–I have to go.”

“What?” she looks up at him, surprised. 

His hand comes up, holding her cheek that was bruise-free. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” He presses a soft kiss to her forehead before he turns back out to the dining room and leaves the restaurant.

Rey stiffens, thinking that was very out of character for him. To just... _leave._

She doesn’t know what to think. But perhaps it’s just been a rough enough type of day that her insecurities strike first.

Maybe she was too much. Maybe he was starting to gather she was just as tragic as Plutt makes her sound and it’s too much baggage. She holds back tears as she reapplies some shitty makeup to cover over the bruise before she forces a smile on her face and tries to finish her shift. 

She feels like her heart is breaking though and she nearly bursts into tears when one customer orders waffles.

Some days she just couldn’t hold on as easily. 

* * *

Ben storms back into the garage he had been at only that morning, but now with much different intentions. He throws the door open and at his arrival, Plutt, sitting at his desk cheers.

“Hey, you’re early,” he cheers, waving him over with a fan of cash. “No worries. I’ve got the money right–”

Ben strikes him across the face and Plutt falls back to the floor. 

“Fu...What the fuck is your problem?” he shouts, his nose gushing with blood. “I got you the fucking money!”

Ben pulls him up by the collar of his shirt and hits him again. He feels a new sort of rage consume him. Usually, he was just annoyed when people made his job harder than it had to be.

This felt different. 

“What–Why are you–” Plutt tries to ask but he’s disoriented from the blows. 

“You fucking stole it,” Ben growls out. 

“What difference does it make if I fucking stole it? You told me to get the money and I did. You gave me a day to get the money, what did you think I was gonna do?”

Ben doesn’t know what he thought. He just thought he was doing something nice. But he can see he bestowed his momentary kindness upon the most undeserving asshole he could find.

“How the fuck did you even know? You follow me or something?”

“ _Or something,_ ” Ben snaps back, reaching for a roll of duct tape on top of a file cabinet. From the piles of papers around, Ben assumes the file cabinet must be empty. He wraps the tape around the man’s wrists.

“What are you doing?”

“What I should have done this morning. I’m taking you to Snoke.”

“No. You can’t do that! I got the fucking money. This shit isn’t my problem anymore. You said if I got the money–”

“It’s not your fucking money! You took it!”

“You’re gonna pretend like you’re a fucking saint all of a sudden? Why do you give a shit if I stole it!”

Ben ignores him, pulling him to his feet and dragging him towards his car, stopping to collect all the cash and tuck it safely in the coffee tin Rey had mentioned. He carries it under his arm. He shoves Plutt in the back seat, slamming the door and getting in the driver’s seat and peeling out, headed for Snoke’s office. He’d deliver him to Snoke and tell him he didn’t have the money. He’s done it a thousand times with endless clients. This would just be the first time he’s personally involved and somewhat lying. But even if Plutt tries to claim that he had the money and that Ben had given him a day to get it, Ben could say Plutt was lying to save his ass and Snoke would buy it. 

He makes his way towards the resentful First Order loans building.

“What’s up with you, huh? What’s your fucking deal? You act all different this morning and then–”

“And then you went and stole money from someone just because you thought you could. My courtesies expire when you pull shit like that.”

Ben glances in the rearview mirror to see him. Plutt is quiet but he squints his eyes as he seems to be studying him. And then his eyes go wide. “It’s that bitch, isn’t it?”

“What?” Ben tries to sound unemotional. He doesn’t want this tracking back to Rey.

“Did that bitch track you down? Tell on me or something?”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about. I knew you stole it because you’re a fucking scumbag. _Happy?_ Now just shut the fuck up until we get there.”

Ben squeezes the steering wheel as hard as he can, reminding himself to just drive and ignore him. He refrains from going absolutely ballistic and doing something he can’t change.

He thinks back to what Plutt had said just that morning and how he had answered. 

_I don’t kill people, okay?_

Ben repeats that in his head like a mantra. But all he can think about is when he had seen Rey’s face. How she mentioned this man was the source of so much pain...and now he’s sitting in his car.

Ben had paid him a kindness earlier. The kindness he pays him now is that he’s not going to kill him. 

Although he doesn’t know what Snoke will do. Since Plutt isn’t high profile, Ben assumes it will be pretty tame.

So he has no remorse when he unloads him into the building. “Mitaka, this gentleman would like to go over his contract with Snoke. It seems he has some confusion about the meaning of deadlines.”

“I thought this guy was Ushar’s usual?” Mitaka asks curiously as he dials into Snoke’s office to see if he’s free. 

“He is. I got stuck with him and now he’s here. But I’m outta here so if he needs a ride after, find someone else and tell Ushar I’m not doing this shit again.”

Mitaka nods but speaks quietly on the phone as Snoke answers. “Kylo just brought in a Mr. Plutt who is late on his payments.”

“I wasn’t fucking late! I had the money in my goddamn hands!” the man objects.

“You can explain it all to Mr. Snoke in a moment, sir,” Mitaka says calmly. He’s used to this. 

Ben leans across the counter. “He might be a little scattered. I hit him kind of hard. He thinks he already got the money so you might want to relay that to Snoke.”

“No! You lying son of a bitch,” Plutt snarls.

Ben ignores him as he marches away, knowing he’s wasted enough time. Now that Plutt was dealt with he leaves, getting back in his car and looking to the coffee tin, filled with crumpled single bills Rey and Finn must have been saving for a long time. 

His heart sinks as he knows what comes next. But it was the right thing to do.

Like he had wasted kindness on Plutt, Rey had bestowed her kindness on him...and he didn’t deserve it. 

Now alone, his fists stinging slightly from punching Plutt, he feels his sorrow overpower him as he puts the car in drive and heads forward. 

He had to tell Rey the truth. He had to tell her who he is. And even though he knows it will only end one way, he also knows it’s his only choice. 

It’s not fair that she should get hurt because of him. Just because everything that he comes into contact with gets ruined doesn’t mean he should subject her to that. He loves her too much. 

He loves her so much that he knows now he has to let go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I said I needed to write this story for the fluff and then I pull this shit...what is wrong with me?
> 
> More importantly, this will soon be resolved and fluff will resume!!


	6. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This probably seems rushed but I really wanted to get this one out so YEET

Rey was home now. She finished her shift without crying and she kept it together on the bus but the moment she got home she was a mess. Finn arrived shortly after, wondering what the hell happened to their home.

She explained everything to him as well as she could while she cried. Finn could only ask if she was okay, not caring about the money and she was grateful that he wasn’t upset even if she knew he wouldn’t be. 

They cleaned up the mess Plutt made and after she got cleaned up, Finn said he spoke to Poe about getting a restraining order against him. Rey didn’t think that would work so much on someone like Plutt but it was nice to know there were options. 

She just wanted to sit down and try to forget today. So she curls up while the TV plays and uses Finn’s shoulder as a pillow.

“Did you tell Ben?” he asks gravely like he already knows how she feels about it. 

And then there’s Ben. Rey didn’t know what happened with Ben. He just ran out of the diner and she honestly doesn’t know what that means but her heart had shattered to see the man she loves basically make a run for it when she just wanted him to stay.

When Rey doesn’t answer Finn continues. “He called after you left this morning. I talked to him for a minute. He said he was going to talk to you at the diner about going out tonight. Did he not come?”

“He came.”

“And?” Finn prompts.

Rey doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t want to cry again. 

But before she can answer there’s a knock on the door. Finn groans, moving to sit up. “Could be Poe,” he says while he moves the chair that is their temporary lock until they repair what Plutt did to the door.

But as he opens it, Ben is standing on the other side.

Rey sits up. “Ben?”

“Hi,” he breathes out softly.

Finn looks to her and she nods so he steps aside, inviting him in. Ben steps forward. He’s still got that sickly look on his face as he approaches her. It’s not until he’s standing a few feet away from her that she sees what he’s holding. 

_The coffee tin._

He sets it gently on the coffee table and Rey sees how the knuckles on his right hand are bruised and a little bloody. Rey’s stomach turns as she starts to gather what’s going on. She looks back up at his face, not sure how to feel.

“Uh, where the hell did you get that?” Finn asks him cautiously.

Ben keeps his eyes on her. “Can I talk to you?” he croaks out.

Rey looks to Finn before she looks back up at Ben. Finn looks confused more than anything. Probably more than she is. 

She rises to her feet, feeling underdressed in the big T-shirt and shorts she uses for pajamas. Especially because the shirt was long enough to hide the shorts.

Still, she nods and leads him to her room. 

She watches him as he follows. This is the first time he’s come in and he makes the place look even smaller as he has to turn his shoulder sideways while they walk down the narrow hallway so that he doesn’t knock their frames off the walls. 

She steps into her room, closing the door behind him. She waits to hear it click before she looks at him standing there in the middle of her room. 

“Ben...how,” she starts, feeling unsure how to stand. And she’s unsure what the look on his face means. She’s never seen him like this. She continues forward. “How did you get our money back?” she breathes out, moving to sit on the end of her bed. “And what happened to your hand?” she voices but she’s afraid to ask because she feels like she already knows.

Ben doesn’t answer but his eye twitches and he purses his lips. It’s answer enough. 

“Ben, what did you do?” she asks but this time her voice cracks as she looks at him as if he was a stranger. 

_Who was he?_

He steps around for a moment, pacing before he looks to her again and this time he finally speaks. “I haven’t exactly been very clear on what my job entails. I know I always say ‘finances’ but...I’m not exactly an accountant,” he sighs. “I know a lot about me doesn't really make sense. I really wish it did. I wish so much I could be someone else or that I could pursue something that has an actual cause...like you,” he says, gesturing to her pile of books on her desk. 

“I’ve never seen anyone work the way you do. You’re so dedicated and bright. From the moment we met you just have this way that makes me feel so much better when I’m near you. It makes me forget who I am.”

Rey doesn’t know what to say. No one has ever spoken to her like that. When she does find her voice, it’s her question from earlier. “And who are you?” 

“I’m…” He pauses, closing his eyes, as if in shame. “I’m a debt collector for First Order loans. And that’s just to make it sound, _I don’t know,_ more respectable. In reality, I’m the person that goes to the people that owe money and I make sure they pay it, even if it’s by... _violent_ means. A ‘leg breaker.’ That’s what they call guys like me.” 

Rey wasn’t expecting that. Her throat goes dry. She’s almost in denial of the truth. In the time she’s known him, Ben was the most bashful, gentle, and quite honestly, the most nervous person she knew. 

But apparently, there’s a whole side to him she doesn't know. A side he was hiding away. She’s never been afraid of him. Now she doesn’t know.

“The guy I work for recruited me when I was still in high school. Back when I was still just starting fights and known for being the scapegoat of my family that...I haven’t spoken to since I was eighteen.”

 _He has a family._ Or he had one once at least. 

Rey noticed he never mentioned them and she had been curious. But he doesn’t talk to them. Rey has wished for most of her life to speak with her parents but Ben is distancing himself on his own terms it sounds like. 

“I...I don’t like who I’m expected to be. I don’t like being just like the others. Like that asshole, Ap’lek, we saw at the pizza place.”

Rey remembers him, and what the man had called him. _Kylo._

“Is Ben not your real name?”

“No, it is! I promise. Benjamin Solo that’s me,” he says urgently, holding a hand to his chest. “But at work, everyone knows me as Kylo Ren. The night you introduced yourself to me, I don’t know what compelled me to use my real name. It just...felt _right._ And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been with you that I just have that feeling where I wish I could be who I am with you all the time. But I’m not. I’m...I’m a monster.”

Rey can’t even breathe as she tries to take in all this information, still confused how Ben, the sweet man who helps her study for exams and gives her rides, is apparently feared by many in this city who owe money to the man he works for. 

Is that why he spent his nights at the diner? Is that why he had so much trouble sleeping?

“And then this morning, I went to Plutt’s to collect his payment. I’m not usually the one who deals with him, I met him this morning, but…” Ben shakes his head, looking too tired to recall the whole story. “He didn’t have the money so I cut him some slack...which I never do. I told him I’d come back tomorrow and he could pay me then. I never knew it was the garage you used to work in or that he would have tried to take it from you...or _hurt you_. But I see now that it’s all my fault and I’m just...I’m so sorry, Rey,” he croaks out.

Ben explains this and Rey doesn’t know how to react. She just feels frozen. She looks at his hand again and she suspects that Ben likely returned to his garage to get her and Finn’s money back. 

“What did you do to him?” Rey asks not sure if she wants to know.

Ben stuffs his hands in his pockets, sighing. “I... _hit_ him. More than once. Then I put him in my car and drove him to the office to speak with my boss. When someone doesn’t pay I take them to him.”

“Do they...kill him?” Rey whispers this, never imagining this would be a question she would ask Ben.

Ben shakes his head. “No. Someone like him who had a cheap rate will probably just be forced to do some seedy jobs for other things my boss controls around the city.”

Rey has only seen movies where people operate like that. She thought it was dramatized but apparently not. Apparently, it’s part of Ben’s daily life. 

“Rey, I don’t,” he swallows, his eyes looking glassy. “I don’t bother with people much. Not on my own at least. I keep my head down. I do what they ask and get it over with. That’s just...it’s how I try to ignore all of it. It’s why I’ve been going to that diner for years in the middle of the night because I can’t sleep most of the time. When I’m there I can convince myself I’m someone else. I can forget for a minute that the only thing I’m good at is scaring the shit out of people and ruining everything I come into contact with.”

Rey’s heart breaks. _Is that what he thinks of himself? Is that how she’s supposed to think of him?_

“But then I met you and...Rey, I’ve never talked this much with anyone. I can’t remember the last time someone made me laugh the way you do or...just, all of it,” he chuckles but he brushes away at his eyes. Rey’s heart tightens at his words and his tears. 

He carries so much within him. It’s why he’s alone. _Always alone._

“I couldn’t believe that you actually talked to me or liked me and I feel so lucky for having known you. I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anything. _Anyone_. And as much as that scares me, it’s the best feeling I’ve ever had.”

Rey’s breath catches, her heart aching. He seemed like a stranger when they first walked in here but as he speaks of his feelings, she starts to see the Ben she truly knows shine through again. 

Ben bites his lip before he takes a lung full of air and speaks again. “Rey, you’re the most beautiful person in every way. I can’t tell you how much it means to me, how much _you_ mean to me…I fall further in love with you every day. ”

Rey’s own tears fall as she watches him with her mouth agape. 

_He loves her._

But Ben just looks so battered and sunken. Like he’s given up and he is laying down all his cards, revealing himself to her before he folds.

“But then, after today, I can see that I just find a way to hurt people even when I don't mean to. Maybe that’s inevitable,” he shakes his head in resignation, and Rey’s tears stream down her cheeks.

“You work so hard and you have such a bright future because...because you’re _Rey_. And I only want the best for you. You deserve the best and I already know I’ll never forgive myself for letting you get hurt. I’m not gonna let it happen again.”

Rey sniffles, wondering why her legs weren’t working. She wanted to stand up.

Ben just keeps talking. 

“So I think it’d be for the best if I just left you alone. I won’t bother you or come to the diner anymore. But I hope you believe me when I say that I want,” he stops halfway, his voice breaking. “I want you to be happy and that I never meant to hurt you and I’m sorry. I just want to thank you for showing me what true kindness is. I feel so lucky that I got to feel, for a brief time, the way I did when you were near.”

Rey opens her mouth to speak but Ben seems intent on leaving as soon as he can. “Goodbye,” he croaks, not even looking at her anymore as he strides back for the doors. 

With that, he steps out of her room and she hears him rush out of the apartment. She can hear him bidding Finn goodbye quickly in passing as he goes. 

Rey stays at the end of the bed, tears streaming down her face, confused and overwhelmed but more because he left, claiming he would leave her alone. But...did he think that’s what she wanted?

_Is that what she’s supposed to want?_

Finn appears in the doorway, clearing his throat. “Uhh...not that I was listening through the wall or anything but...what the hell just happened?”

At the sound of Finn’s voice, it’s like the spell is broken and Rey shoots up from the bed charging out the door and into the night. 

She had to tell him before he was gone for good. 

* * *

Ben slammed the car door as he got in. He wipes away at his face, realizing he had fucking tears in his eyes. He doesn’t remember the last time he cried. 

He falls forward, his forehead leaning against the steering wheel as he feels the weight of what he’s just done wash over him. 

He tells himself this is for the best. That’s what he had said to Rey. Still, just because it was for the best didn’t mean it didn’t feel like fucking agony as he realizes that the only thing he ever looked forward to is gone. And it’s all his fault. 

He’s so pulled in by the sudden grief he doesn’t even hear the car door open until it closes again and Ben snaps his head to see Rey sitting in the passenger seat, a little out of breath. Her hair was still a little damp from the shower and clad in her pajamas and barefoot. But she was here. She chased after him. 

“Rey?” he breathes out, the sound of her name radiating in the silence. She gives no explanation. She just looks at him and he wonders what happens next.

Maybe she came to yell at him. She seemed to be in almost shock while they were in her bedroom, sitting silently as he told her everything. Maybe she finally found the words and she’s here to tell him off. 

He would listen and endure it. He deserves whatever she has to say. 

But then Rey leans forward and crashes her lips against his. 

His mind goes blank, unsure what to do, or why it’s happening. Her hand comes to his face, holding his cheek tenderly and her touch helps him realize it was real. It’s more urgent than the chaste kiss she gave him the other night. 

And in an instant, it’s over as she pulls just a breath away. Her eyes seem to be searching his, searching to see if it was alright. Ben brings his hand to her face, gentle around where she was bruised but savoring the softness of her cheek as they hold on to each other. Slowly, the corners of her mouth quirk up in a smile, and Ben’s heart overflows with relief and something else he can’t quite name. So he leans forward and brings his lips back to hers.

He doesn’t know why he allows himself this after distancing himself but all he can comprehend at that moment is her. He tells himself that if this is the last few minutes he gets with her then at least they were possibly the most content, connected, consuming moments he ever recalls having. More consuming even than his rage from earlier. 

These kisses are different. Her tongue brushed against his and her hands hold him as close as she can. He quickly learns how to reciprocate and it’s intoxicating. He leans closer to her, getting lost in how it feels, and how she scoots closer to him on the bench seat. So close she’s nearly in his lap and he’s almost overwhelmed by all of it at once, having expected her to smack him or scream at him. That would have made more sense. 

But he convinces himself, as she threads her hands through his hair making him moan, it doesn’t need to make sense. 

She separates for air and he gasps a bit but she presses softer, smaller kisses that linger against his lips before she leans her forehead against his. Her lips are swollen but she looks so beautiful he feels like he’s in a trance, wondering if it had been a dream 

But then she speaks, her thumb brushing across his lips and he assumes his lips must be swollen too. 

“I don’t want you to disappear.” 

His brows furrow, “Why?” Had she not heard what he had said inside? 

She smirks, nudging her nose against his. “Because I love you too.”

Maybe he’s dead. _He died._ That’s the only explanation. 

“You...But I...I’m a-“

“I care about who _you_ are. And you, Ben...you’re the guy that draws me pictures on napkins, and does puzzles, and orders waffles, and makes me laugh, and helps me study, and at the drop of a hat will take me anywhere, and listens to me about everything and about nothing. Because you’re much kinder and sweeter than you’d ever give yourself credit for and I don’t know how I couldn’t fall in love with you.”

Ben feels frozen now. He wonders if this is how she felt sitting on her bed. No one has ever said anything like that about him. The shape of her goes blurry and when he blinks, tears rush down his face. But she practically catches them as she brushes them away with her thumbs as she holds his face. 

“I thought you’d hate me...I thought because I’m the reason Plutt hurt you and-“

“You’re not responsible for Plutt’s actions.”

He isn’t convinced on that but he can only replay her words over and over, lost in what it means.

“You...you really love me?” He can’t help but ask.

She chuckles, “I do.”

Ben’s heart swells, overflowing with incredible joy as he pulls her close and kisses her once more. He had no more words. He was in awe. 

He smiles too much though and he breaks away, eager to look at her again. 

When he does, there’s a new shine to her eyes. Mostly from tears but something else. It almost looks like stars and he’s mystified by her beauty all over again. 

She gives a breathy laugh, her hand settles against his chest where she can probably feel his heart beating a thousand miles per hour. 

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?” She asks with a smirk. 

He can’t help but grin as he nods. “Tomorrow,” he promises. 

* * *

The moment Rey had stepped back in, Finn was practically interrogating her. 

She assumed he had tried to listen in but clearly he was still confused, trying to fill in the gaps. 

So, swearing him to confidentiality, she explained the bare minimum she could, saying that Plutt owed money to the company Ben worked for. Ben had gone to collect it but gave him some spare time and Plutt came here looking for it. When Ben discovered what Plutt did he went to get it back for them. 

Finn asked what happened to Plutt and when Rey didn’t have a straight answer Finn looked skeptical but Ben had said that even though he doesn’t deserve it he’d probably just get forced to do some shifty grunt work from Ben’s boss. 

Thankfully Finn pulls back from that, grateful that Ben stood up for them and got their money back. 

So naturally, almost more urgently, he asked what happened out in the car. Rey blushed and Finn smirked. “Tell me!” He begged. 

“Ben...well, he said a lot of things. But he told me he loved me.”

Finn gripped her hand, knowing how much that would mean to her. Also, he whispers, “I fucking knew it,” under his breath but urged her to carry on.

“But I froze in there,” she nods to her room. “He had so much to say. I just couldn’t break out of whatever I was in. And before I could he said goodbye, apologizing and saying he would leave me alone from now.”

Finn nodded. “He had tears in his eyes when he charged back through. He said bye to me but his voice was a mess.”

Rey’s heart sinks to know Ben had let himself think that was the only realistic outcome. But Rey could make her own choices. And she chooses him. 

“I told him I loved him too...and that I didn’t want him to leave...and then I kissed him… _a lot_.”

Finn laughs but seems proud as he hugs her. “Rey, I can see he cares for you so much. So much so he went and handed Plutt’s ass to him.”

Rey can only laugh. 

“He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met...I really love him, _so much,_ ” Rey’s voice wavered as she felt the intensity of her feelings overcome her. 

She wondered if Finn thought she was being naive, if he thinks it’s too soon for these admissions between her and Ben even if he was aware that she already cared for him in such a way. But Finn holds no judgment in his eyes as he leans over and hugs her. He seems to understand just what Ben means to her. 

“So, Ben Solo...the _boyfriend_ ,” he smiled. 

“Don’t tease,” she pretended to scold him.

“I’m not, I’m just...when you first said he was shy and nervous I imagine some scrawny kid but when I first spied out the window and saw him I was pretty floored. Not to mention, you know... _leather jacket, shiny hair._ I think you found a keeper, Rey.”

Rey's cheeks heated up. “I tried to tell you,” Rey recalled all the occasions when she would try to find the words to capture Ben when Finn had never seen him before.

Finn just laughs, supposedly taking mercy on her.

* * *

It wasn’t until they’re eating cereal the next morning that Finn asks the next big question. 

“Have you two…?”

Rey knows what he means and she shoved him a bit. “I _just_ told him I loved him. You have to be in such a rush.”

Finn laughs. “No, I just mean, relationship standards these days is that people sleep with people they don’t even like or maybe don’t even know so if you’ve only made out with the guy you’re in love then you’re ahead of the game. Just...I don’t know, I imagine that comes next and I just hope you’re comfortable with that.”

Finn knows Rey has never been with anyone. He was always trying to set her up with people in high school and she just got embarrassed and told him she would like to figure it out herself. But that was a few years ago now and Rey realizes there’s a lot to the dating world she doesn’t understand. 

But that’s another thing she loves about Ben. He seems to be figuring it out too.

“I _would_ like to be with Ben.” She’d be lying if she said she hasn’t thought about it. But the subject between them has never come up directly and Rey wonders if Ben is new to that as well. “But right now, I mean, yesterday alone was a cluster fuck and I guess we’ve technically gone out on only one date,” Rey sees Finn try to suppress his smirk, “and I know you think I’m being naive, but I’m sure when the time is right, we’ll figure it out.”

Finn snorts, no doubt opening his mouth to make some stupid sort of pun but then there’s a knock at the door and Rey practically jumps from her seat, knowing it’s Ben and she can’t wait to see him again.

He grins as soon as her eyes meet his and she leans forward to hug him. It had only been a matter of hours but she missed him. 

“Morning,” she says against his chest. 

She feels him kiss the top of her head. “Good morning.” When she craned her neck up she pressed to her toes to kiss him on the lips. It’s quick but it still sends a rush through her as she thinks about the kisses they shared the night before. 

When she pulls back, his eyes look at her cheek and his fingers come up to gently trace around where she had applied some makeup to hide the bruises. “How does it feel?” he asks sadly.

Rey shakes her head. “It’s okay, it just looks bad.”

Ben nods but still looks saddened but his eyes look further down and Rey’s attention floats downward to see he’s holding a paper bag.

“I, uh...I stopped by the hardware store to get you guys a new lock. At least a temporary one. I noticed last night you were using the chair.”

“Oh thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

Ben shrugs which she knows is his way of saying, _I wanted to._

“I can help install it later,” he offers.

She hears Finn slide the chair across the linoleum, his subtle way to try and get attention. Rey could scoff. Gently, she urges Ben inside, taking the bag from him and placing it on the table so they could put it on the door later. “That was really thoughtful of you, Ben.”

His head shakes. “It’s my fault it was broken in the first place,” he looks to his feet.

She clutches his arm. “It wasn’t,” she tells him again. She hopes he will understand but perhaps it will take time. It was still quite fresh. 

In the meantime, Finn was trying to remind her he would like to be acknowledged. Rey chuckles, turning so she finally looks at him before looking up at Ben, hoping this doesn’t make him nervous.

“Uh, I know you’ve spoken before but just so I’ve introduced you properly, this is Finn.”

Finn steps over with one of his big smiles and holding out his hand to shake. “Hey, Ben. Nice to meet you...for real,” he chuckles and Ben does the same, shaking his hand. 

“You too,” Ben smiles but it quickly falls in near shame. “I–I’m sorry for how yesterday went and I hope–”

“It’s alright,” Finn cuts him off. “Rey explained enough for me to understand and I just want to thank you for standing up for us. Not many people have done that. It means a lot.”

Ben seems surprised but grateful for Finn’s words and Rey will thank Finn later. 

But then he decides to play the _embarrassing_ card at her expense. “Besides, I’m just glad to see what a nice guy you really are because Rey talks about you _all the time_ and–”

“Alright, well, we should get going,” Rey interrupts Finn, her cheeks heating up while Finn tries to keep talking over her.

“Seriously. Like non-stop, she–”

“Goodbye, Finn!” Rey growled at him.

Ben smirked, looking down at her as she tried to drag him out the door. Finn and Ben say goodbye and despite Finn’s attempt to embarrass her, it comforts her to know that the two people most important to her were getting along.

She and Ben walk hand in hand as they step over to his car and when they get in, they both look at each other for a brief moment before they both surge forward and their lips meet in a similar passion to that of the night previous.

She can tell he was still thinking about it too.

“I missed you,” he breathes out when they pull away and Rey gives a breathy laugh. She was about to say that even if they saw each other late last night.

“Me too.”


	7. "Hot Chauffeur Boyfriend"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No clue why I'm writing this but gonna keep doin' it

Ben stopped by the loan office to drop off some cash from his morning errands. He’s getting a lot better at making a more realistic schedule for himself and do things quickly. Now he wanted plenty of free evenings and hours.

Because he has a _girlfriend._ He was still getting used to the word. It wasn’t until Jocasta saw them the other day that he first heard the title. He arrived to pick Rey up when her shift ended and as they now do in greeting she kissed him softly before she realized she left her jacket in her locker and turned around to get it. It was as Ben was waiting for a moment that he heard Jocasta chuckling. 

_“About time you made her your girlfriend. You haven’t dropped that smile since you tried her coffee that first night she worked here.”_

Ben smirks to himself as he thinks about Rey. Mitaka seems to notice as he counts the cash. “Something amusing, sir?” he asks curiously.

“Oh, no, I was just...thinking.”

Mitaka nods. “Of course. Excuse me, sir,” Mitaka says, looking back down at the money.

Usually Ben ignores Mitaka because he’s...Mitaka. But the young man was actually nice, especially in contrast to the other people in this building. Perhaps he should try to be nicer. At least in passing. He would like to practice being kinder in general (excluding the incident that he had stirred with Plutt).

“No, it’s alright,” Ben says gently.

But then the quiet of the room is compromised as suddenly Ap’lek, Trudgen, and Cardo file in with some bags of take out, headed for the table in the room they had claimed as theirs down the hall. But they slow down behind him and Ben knows some bullshit is coming. 

Sure enough, it starts immediately.

“Shit, I forgot to tell you guys. Guess what I saw the other week when I went to pick up pizza on the way home?” Ap’lek asks the group, smacking Trudgen’s arm but his eyes narrowed on Ben.

Ben gulps, already knowing what he’ll say.

“What, man?” Trudgen asks but sounds unamused, uninterested.

Ap’lek smirks. “I saw Kylo walking out with the cutest brunette that you’ve ever seen. Flowers on her dress and sparkling eyes.”

That catches all their attention and they bellow in the sort of way seventh graders would and smack him on the back. 

“No, I don’t believe it,” Trudgen laughs. “Kylo’s _scared_ of pretty ladies last time we checked.” Trudgen flicks Ben’s ear as he finishes signing the check-off sheets Mitaka passed him.

“Maybe he decided to buy a date,” Cardo teases.

Ben ignores them. They aren’t worth it.

“That’d make sense,” Ap’lek nods. “They probably have a ‘late bloomer’ discount that caters to near thirty-year-old virgins.”

Ben finally turns to acknowledge them, glaring. “Real fucking mature.” Ben hopes if he brushes them off they won’t make it a big deal. He would prefer his relationship with Rey to remain as detached from work as possible.

So he turns for the door, ready to leave but they throw french fries at him.

“Kylo’s got a girlfriend,” they tease and Ben has to refrain from grabbing the chair in the corner and throwing it at them. He ignores them as he makes his way back out.

 _They’re just assholes,_ he reminds himself. But he physically cringes when he hears them shout through the whole building, “Do you even know where to find second base or should we draw you a map?”

Ben refrained from giving them the finger and convinced himself to keep walking, hoping soon enough they would forgo teasing him if he ignored them.

He checks his watch, knowing Rey’s class was nearly over so he gets in his car and heads over to the college. She lets him pick her up more often now that he’s told her not to worry about how she affects his schedule. 

When he sees the shape of her standing in the spot he usually finds her in he breaks out into a grin and so does she as she steps over and gets in. 

“Hi,” they say at the same time and they laugh.

“How’d it go?” he asks her.

“Good,” she chuckles. “Thanks for picking me up.”

“Course,” he says, admiring her lovely face. “You wanna drive?” he asks knowing she likes to drive but seldom gets the chance. 

She beams. “Really?”

He nods, seeing how much she wants to and he nods to the steering wheel and together they scoot closer and they meet in the middle as she slides over his lap and he enjoys it probably too much but he’s jolted out of it when the horn honks from Rey’s elbow. They both laugh as they settle into their new sides, though still closer than before.

Rey’s hair fell like a curtain in front of her face and he brushes it back a little to find her eyes. “Maybe next time we should use the doors.”

“No, I prefer this way,” he says softly before he leans forward and softly presses his lips to hers. He still has to find the courage sometimes to be bold enough to kiss her first but it gets easier every time. Because she always seems glad he did. This time he hardly thought about it at all. It just seemed so natural.

But then a car pulls up behind them and honks, making them jolt and pull away. Ben’s cheeks heat up but Rey just chuckles. 

“Alright, since someone’s in a rush,” she says, putting the car into drive and pulling away. 

The radio plays and the windows are down, making their hair blow wild.

But he’s so focused on her in the sunlight and how oddly perfect it feels and Ben can’t believe that this is his life. Just a few months ago he never would have seen something like this for himself. He didn’t even think he’d want it in his life, feeling uninterested and undeserving. But Rey just seems to change everything. 

She notices him staring and smiles, resting her hand on his leg and he quickly settles his own on top. He feels a sense of ease he's seldom felt before. And he quite likes riding in the passenger seat of his own car. 

“Have you eaten yet?”

“No, but I could. When does your shift start?”

“I’ve got two hours.”

* * *

Ben doesn't know why he hadn’t suggested they go to his house earlier but the moment he does, he realizes his mistake because she’s absolutely smitten with it.

She had some time before she had to get to the diner so they stopped to pick up some lunch but since they were close to his house, he suggested they eat there too. As soon as he said it her face lit up and she’s been excited ever since as he tells her where to turn and she echos everything he says as if she’s trying to commit it to memory. It’s pretty cute.

Ben truly didn’t think his house was all too special. He liked it, sure. He preferred it to his last apartment. It was quiet. Plenty of room. He had a driveway and a garage of his own. Space from his neighbors. A yard for that dog he never got. 

He’s got the bare essentials. He’s got a couch and a bed. TV and a stereo. Some stuff to work out with so he doesn’t have to go to a gym. 

He prefers to be at his house than working so he does have a sense of relief when he gets there, but it still feels empty. He’s not sure if he ever noticed that as much as he does now.

However, the second he pulls into his driveway and Rey’s face lights up as if it’s the most amazing thing she’s ever seen.

“Ben, it’s beautiful.”

He snorts. “Thanks...it’s alright.”

He expected her excitement to fade into disappointment once he showed her inside but her amazement continued. It’s endearing how much this affects her and it’s at this point that Ben realizes how much belonging a house would mean to her. She never had a true home of her own growing up so to see he’s got one at least physically must be a dream of hers. 

“Ben, give me a tour,” she demands, dragging him by his arm and he laughs, deciding to indulge her. He shrugs off his jacket and throws it on the couch because that’s what he always does but he smirks when she does the same.

Ben takes her through to the kitchen that leads to the dining room that doesn't have a table but rather his work out equipment and the stereo and he cringes at how stupid it looks so he quickly pulls her back through to the living room before making toward the back of the house where his room was as well as the spare room that has no purpose but to just store boxes of stuff he isn’t in the mood for. Some of which have old family pictures and shit like that he tells himself he’s going to get rid of eventually.

“I don’t know, that’s it. It’s pretty bare,” he says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

“No, I love it,” Rey says softly, strolling around to admire everything. “It’s lovely, Ben.”

He chuckles. “I never have anyone over so I just let it end up like this but I’m glad you like it.”

She steps over to him, wrapping her arms around his middle. “You just need some pictures on the walls,” she tells him.

“I don’t have any,” he tells her. At least none he’d want to look at.

“We’ll have to take some.”

 _She’s right._ He and Rey could make their own memories to keep. So he decides that tomorrow he’s going to buy a camera.

But then her stomach growls and they make their way back to his living room. He didn’t have a table and all his home meals were eaten on the couch.

Something Rey doesn't seem to mind in the slightest.

* * *

She had told him a million times that if he insists on staying when she has to work in the middle of the night, he should at least go sleep in his car when she starts to get tired but he insists every time he’s fine. 

But sometimes when he speaks, he wavers mid-sentence and doesn’t finish explaining himself and she just laughs at him, relieved when Tallie comes in and Rey has the cue to head home. It’s terribly early but still dark outside. The roads are still quiet.

She clocks out, practically dragging Ben with her before stuffing him in the passenger seat as she drives back to her apartment and does the same to get him inside.

He ducks down when they get to the door to kiss her goodbye. “Love you, sweetheart,” he mumbles with his eyes closed but she keeps hold of him. 

“You’re not going anywhere.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m not letting you drive like that, you’ll get in an accident. Come in and rest.”

“Mmm,” he hums and is easily persuaded as she pulls him in and guides him to her room. She can tell Finn isn’t home and there’s a note on the table that says, “ _At Poe’s”_ with a smiley face on it. So at least Finn won’t try to make fun of her as she drags her half-conscious boyfriend to her room. His exhaustion stems from his kindness and persistence to stay with her because he gets worried about her being alone in the diner at night now that he knows Snap sleeps in the back and he’s apparently dissatisfied with a handful of ‘creeps’ that he’s seen come in.

Not to mention his exhaustion means he can stay with her and she admits she quite likes the idea.

They stumble into her room and she lets Ben belly flop on the bed. The springs squeak at his weight as he tries to get his jacket off. She helps peel it from his shoulders before throwing it over a chair and helping him kick his boots off even though his laces were still tied but he did it.

After that, he seems to drift off immediately and Rey smiles at him. He made the bed look a hell of a lot smaller, especially with his feet sticking off the end.

Rey takes off her own jacket and boots before she unbuttons her dress. She knows Ben is sleeping but there’s a part of her that almost hopes he can see her the way she is in the early morning light. She laughs at herself when she hears a soft snore from the bed and she proceeds to pull on the shirt and shorts she sleeps in. 

She crawls into bed, trying not to squish Ben’s limbs as she gets under the covers and her head hits the pillow. He must notice she’s there though because his arm moves to wrap around her middle as he cuddles closer to her.

She kisses his nose softly before she closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep.

* * *

Ben wakes up to find the sun streaming in the windows...of what is not his room. He knows instantly it’s Rey’s, even if he can’t see anything yet as sleep blinds him but he can feel her beside him and he can smell her shampoo.

And then he vaguely recalls her pulling him with her into her apartment and lets her collapse on her bed.

And even though Ben has no idea how long he slept or how he managed to do it with his jeans on, he thinks it might have been the most restful sleep he’s ever had. So he’s reluctant to move, preferring to stay right where he is as he blinks sleep away and just enjoys the moment from Rey’s bed, cuddled beside her. 

As his vision finally starts to fill in and he sees her beside him, still sleeping. Her hair covers her face and perhaps he feels bold laying in her bed and feeling as rested as he does to reach out and brush it away. A wish he’s had since his early days of knowing her.

He should get up but he doesn’t. He doesn't even want to know what time it is or if he’s late for something. This seemed much more important, just to be here.

Rey stirs slightly though and she cuddles closer to him. He wraps his arms tighter around her, wondering how he got lucky enough to be here. He’s not sure he’s ever felt this relaxed.

He feels her press a kiss to his throat, just beneath his jaw. “Morning...what time is it?”

He hums, “I have no idea.”

Rey chuckles softly as she trails up to his face and her lips find his and Ben pulls her closer. It starts innocent enough but gradually grows in passion as Rey pulls him with her until he’s practically on top of her. Her hands thread through his hair and Ben moans at the feeling as he decides quite instantly, he would very much like to wake up like this every morning.

He’s so caught up in it all and even though he can feel how his body starts to respond a little too eagerly, he finds it difficult to pull away. “Rey,” he breathes out. Her legs wrap around him, bringing her hips against his and they both gasp as she no doubt feels for herself how this has affected him, even though his jeans.

“Please,” she whispers, her hands finding their way under the hem of his shirt and he feels her hands splay out across his back.

Instinctively and on their own accord, Ben’s hips thrust forward and they both groan into the room.

Rey’s hands start pushing his shirt up completely and he pulls away to pull it over his head, tossing it aside before he looks back down to her beneath him. His heart pounds in his ears louder as his eyes find hers.

He’s never seen the look in her eyes that she has now, but it stirs something in him. It doesn't even need to be spoken as she seems to feel it too.

Her hands trail between them, her fingers splaying against his skin and he shivers as she brushes past his abdomen. But then she quickly changes course as she grabs his hand. He settles closer to her without the support of his hand but she doesn’t seem to mind and he doesn’t dare stop her. She guides him to the hem of her own shirt and it’s then that he realizes her breath sounds as hurried as his own. He traces his hand over her stomach and her breath hitches at the contact. Ben can only hold his breath as his hand moves slowly as he continues further up towards her sternum until he feels the soft skin of her–

“PANG!”

Ben jolts up in a panic, the noise that echoed from outside unsettling him enough to think it’s a gunshot. But then Rey groans. 

“Ugh..." Rey huffs. "That’ll be Poe,” she sighs, clearly flustered at the interruption. 

Ben can’t even speak. His voice is gone. But he does faintly recall that Finn’s boyfriend is named Poe and if he’s here then Ben assumes they’re about to not be so alone anymore and he moves off of her.

Rey huffs as she gets up and moves to the window. “Yeah, he and Finn are back,” she glances at the clock on the bedside table. The clock neither of them could be bothered with just moments ago. “I’ve got class in forty minutes.”

Ben rises, grabbing his shirt, wondering how he let himself get carried away like that. They’ve made out, sure, but that was definitely the first time they’ve ever gone into this territory. Or at least considered exploring it before they were interrupted. 

Ben clears his throat as he pulls his boots on that he doesn’t even remember taking off but considering the placement of them beside Rey’s, he knows she must have done that. 

“His car backfires. It’s why he hates to drive it. And no matter how many times I try to fix it, his car is just too ancient. He’s saving up for a new one but Poe tends to get distracted and blows his savings on things he doesn’t need.”

Ben chuckles but his heart is still pounding, wondering if they were going to talk about what just happened but as he realizes Rey is in a bit of a rush, he can see now is not the time. However, she does turn around after she pulls some clothes from her closet and looks down at him tenderly, ready to say something...but then his stomach grumbles. Rey chuckles, kissing him on the forehead. “Why don’t you go find something in the kitchen? Or if you’re late for work, I can always take the bus, no worries.”

Ben doesn’t even know what he has to do today. His mind is still reeling. “No, I’m good. I can take you.”

Rey smiles, kissing him softly. “Thank you.”

He stands up once he’s sure that he’s finally calmed down enough that his jeans aren’t so tight anymore. He steps over to get his jacket that she hung over a chair only to find her bra is draped over it. Considering what they had just done and where his hands were, perhaps that’s what helps him find the courage to pick that up and pass it to her. “Uh, do you need…?” he trails off unsure how to phrase it. Rey giggles when she sees what he’s holding but there’s a pink tint to her cheeks as she takes it from him.

“Yes, thank you.”

“I’ll, uh...be out here,” he says, clearing his throat, almost forgetting his jacket.

As Ben moves out to the kitchen, he can hear Finn making his way up the stairs with who must be Poe. Ben takes a deep breath, trying to calm down because he knows he's going to have to make conversation and pretend like he’s not a twenty-seven-year-old virgin that was still flushed after what happened in the bedroom and more like he’s a man just casually studying a box of cereal. He catches sight of himself in the microwave window to find his hair a mess, tousled by sleep and Rey’s hands and he runs a hand through it just as the door opens and the two men’s voices fill the apartment.

“Hey, Ben!” Finn greets with a wave as he sees him through the kitchen and Ben waves back.

“Hey,” he croaks back, his voice surprisingly steady. 

“Rey getting dressed?”

“What?” Ben can feel his ears and cheeks flame with heat.

Finn chuckles. “You’re picking her up for school, right? She’s usually just waking up about now.”

“Oh,” he nods down the hall where Rey was in her room. “Yeah. She said she’ll be out in a minute.”

Finn has a knowing look on his face but thankfully shows mercy as he leaves it be and instead gestures to the man beside him.

“Ben, this is my boyfriend, Poe. Poe, this is _‘The Ben’_ I was telling you about.”

Poe smiles as he offers his hand to shake and Ben takes it. “So you’re the legendary Ben. Nice to finally meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Ben says kindly. 

Ben tries to play along, relieved he seems to be getting more of his speaking abilities back. Ben tries his best to keep up with the conversation to be polite but his mind is admittedly still reeling. He and Rey have been progressing in their relationship that is new but exhilarating but that was _new._ And definitely quite distracting. It consumes his thoughts.

“Ben?”

“Sorry, what?”

Poe chuckles once he looks back at him. “No worries. I was going to ask where you went to school. You look so familiar,” Poe says, his eyes squinting as he studies Ben. Ben’s heartbeat picks up, worried this man may remember him for less than pleasant circumstances but Ben doesn’t recognize him. 

“Uh, I went to Chandrila High but I graduated in ‘90 so it’s been a while,” Ben chuckles nervously. Technically he didn’t exactly graduate. That was when he got expelled from there at the end of his senior year. But that’s not essential to the conversation.

“Ah, then maybe not that. Still, I feel like I’ve seen you before. Are you sure we haven’t met?”

“Uh…” God, Ben really hopes he’s never had to threaten this man for money but Ben is certain he’s never seen him. And he’s pretty sure Poe wouldn’t be so polite if that was the case. “Not that I recall.”

Finn snorts. “Excuse him. He works with a bunch of fancy people. He shakes too many hands and seems to think he knows everyone.”

“I do not, it’s just hard to remember everyone's names,” Poe chuckles to defend himself. 

Ben wonders what Poe does but he refrains from asking because he knows the question will be reciprocated and he doesn’t want to talk about work.

He wonders what else he should say, wondering what would make kind conversation but he just piggybacks off what they say until he hears Rey coming down the hallway. She appears in one of her floral dresses that he loves and he can see she brushed through her hair and she smirks at him when she meets his eyes. 

“This kitchen is full of boys,” she jokes, moving to hug both Finn and Poe in greeting. 

“How was the late shift last night?” Finn asks her. “Or this morning, I should say.”

“Dead as usual but I’ve always got Ben,” Rey glances over her shoulder to him. “My finest customer.”

Finn snorts. “Yeah, well, I don’t think you can call him a ‘customer’ anymore when he’s your hot chauffeur boyfriend.”

“Hey, how come you never call me that?” Poe asks him.

“Because your car is a nightmare and I prefer when we take public transit.”

“I agree but it’s LA and if you don’t have a car it gets–”

“Yeah, I know. We literally _just_ had this conversation,” Finn says and Rey steps away from them to grab her bags and this is how Ben can tell this topic of discussion must be common enough. If anything it’s just banter the couple seems to enjoy taking part in. 

“Alright, well as Finn reminds you how disgusting your car is, I’ve got a class .”

“Alright, Peanut. Have a good day,” Finn says kindly, giving her another hug. “You work too hard.”

“So do you,” Rey chuckles. “Are you working late tonight?”

“Yeah, so I’ll probably stay at Poe’s again.”

“How presumptuous,” Poe teases.

Finn nudges him playfully. “I’m getting too tired to make it all the way home.”

“How was last night?” Rey asks him as she shoves some pens and notebooks in her bag.

“Gross as usual, but alright,” Finn laughs. 

Ben knew that Finn worked at the airport and was the sanitation supervisor which Rey has told him some horror stories about. She also told him that’s how Finn and Poe met. Finn helped him after Poe tripped over a trash can getting off a plane and when Finn came to clean up they started talking. 

Finn is taking classes at the same college as Rey and it sounds like he’s studying urban planning which was, as Rey explains, heavily encouraged by Poe who works at City Hall and is always trying to persuade them into getting there someday. But Rey is confident that Finn will get hired there when he graduates. But after speaking to Finn several times now, Ben thinks Finn has a true passion for it. Finn wants to focus on creating places where kids growing up like he and Rey have places to go to feel safe or at least have fun in the city that can seem so scary.

Overall, Finn's intentions for his career were similar to Rey's desire to be a teacher. They wanted to make a difference. And knowing Poe is like that too makes Ben feel out of place. They all worked so hard to make the city a better place. But Ben knows he continually makes it worse.

But Rey turns to him once she’s all ready. “Well, we should get going,” she says, offering her hand and Ben takes it, holding tight and he takes a deep breath, deciding not to dwell on that now. 

“Alright,” Finn smirks, eyeing both of them as Rey pulls him for the door. “Good to see you again, Ben.”

“Yeah, good to see you...and nice meeting you Poe,” Ben calls out.

“Yeah, you too, big guy.”

They step outside and Rey doesn’t say anything when the door closes and Ben wonders what they could say after what just happened. They had both gotten so caught up in it all and Ben doesn’t know how far they would have gone if Poe’s car hadn’t made that terrifying sound. 

Ben is surprised at himself if he’s honest. There’s so much that makes him nervous but in her room, he wasn’t thinking about his nerves. 

He wasn’t really thinking about anything. It was pure _feeling_.

And he wants to do it again only he wants to see how it ends.

* * *

They both get in the car, neither of them has said anything yet about, well...when they woke up.

Rey didn’t expect things to escalate so quickly but it just felt so right. 

“Do you want to go through a drive thru?” Ben asks. Rey holds her breath, expecting him to say something else but as she processes his words, and realizes he’s talking about food.

“Oh, no. I'm alright.”

She glances at him to see he’s nodding to himself and his lips are pursed like he’s thinking and not sure what to say. Rey takes a deep breath, reaching over to settle her hand on his leg, hoping he wasn’t nervous or uncomfortable after what happened. She rather enjoyed it even though it had a bit of an awkward interruption but that wasn’t on him. She just knows how he tends to think about things.

His hand covers hers on his leg, threading his fingers through hers. His touch makes her brave as she finally finds the words.

“Was it too much?” she asks quietly.

“No,” he says immediately, a sign he was definitely thinking about it too. “I...enjoyed that.”

Rey smiles. “Me too.”

It was definitely the furthest they’ve gone so far. They’ve been together for a few weeks now and they are both aware of each other’s feelings, but it is still new and her schedule is so busy which means the most they usually get to is making out in his car before he walks her to her door and says goodnight. But she loved pulling him in with her earlier that morning. Her bed seemed a little smaller but oddly more comfortable and even though she only got a few hours, she feels pretty well rested now.

“Rey?”

“Yeah?” she squeezes his fingers, hoping he knows she’s listening.

He gives a big sigh before he starts speaking. “I imagine that I don’t have to tell you by now that...I’m new at all this.”

“I know...but you know I’m the same,” Rey shares. She wonders if it would be more obvious how clueless she is if Ben was more experienced but he seems to be in the same boat as her.

“I never really considered it because it never happened. It seemed unrealistic to think someone would want that with me and if I’m honest it didn’t really interest me to do that with someone. I never connected with someone in a way that made me feel like it’s something I wanted.”

Rey listens closely. She knows he’s a good several years older than her and she almost finds it hard to believe because he’s sweet and gorgeous but he doesn’t seem to be aware of that. He’s committed to thinking he’s hopeless and she’s ready to tell him he’s far from that, but he carries on.

“But with you it all changes and I...I mean, if you feel the same–”

“I _do,_ ” she tells him quickly. “You know I do.”

She sees the corners of his mouth quirk up. “Okay,” he says softly. “Then...maybe if...well, I don’t know. I wish I knew how to–” Ben starts to sound nervous as he rambles and Rey squeezes his hand once more. 

“Ben,” he starts softly and he glances at her as well as he can as he drives. “It’s alright.”

She hears him sigh. “I just wish I knew how to...be normal.”

“Don’t say that. I love the way you are. The way _we_ are. There’s nothing wrong with it.” They are at a stoplight and he focuses closely on her. “And it’s new, but that’s fine. We know what feels right. _It felt right this morning._ ”

“It did,” he smiles

“We don’t have to overthink it. We’ll know.”

“Yeah...I like that.”

She scoots over to kiss his cheek as he drives forward through traffic. “And as long as Poe’s car doesn’t interrupt us again I think we’ll be fine.”

Ben laughs and that seems to relax him. But then she hears his stomach grumble again and she chuckles. “You didn’t eat anything, did you?”

“No, I was so distracted.”

Rey laughs. “Well, let’s stop and get you something. Finn’s right, it must be exhausting to have the side job of a ‘hot chauffeur boyfriend.’”

Ben chuckles but his cheeks and ears go red. Rey knew that would happen but she couldn’t resist. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be adding things to the tags so maybe pay attention to those as we go forward. Clearly, I cannot write fluff without a lil' sadness to help balance it out but that's just Reylo in general. Tis a curse. 
> 
> HEA always
> 
> More importantly, where's that one meme where it shows Ben in his high-waisted pants and Toby Maguire squints in his glasses but when he takes them off, he can see clearly and it's that one plane that says 'a big virgin' on the side? Asking for a friend.


	8. Sixteenth Time's A Charm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: originally I rated this story “E” after posting this chapter but lol it’s not really what I would consider ‘explicit’ by any means, especially considering what qualifies as explicit on this website sooo lmao I doubt this is in THAT category. 
> 
> If you read this and you think it needs an E rating let me know but honestly this is just tame and dumb and you can probably tell I don’t like writing smut.

The first time happened at his house after he picked her up from school and she told him she didn’t have to work that evening. 

They decided to head to his house but even once he suggested it, they both seemed to wordlessly have the same thought as they drove quietly to his neighborhood. Her hand held tight to his. At a stoplight, he looks at her so intently and she leans over to kiss him softly.

Her hand moves to settle on his thigh as she pulls away and her nose brushed against his.

“Feels right to me,” she breathes out.

He nods, opening his mouth to speak but once again a car horn behind them pulls him out of it and he chuckles, remembering that he’s supposed to be driving. 

Her hand doesn’t move from his leg the entire way home.

They finally arrived and his heart was pounding as he turned off the engine and followed her into his own house. He watched as she set her things on his couch and slowly pulled off her jacket. He did the same, his eyes never leaving hers.

“Rey,” he had breathed out as he moved to meet her in the middle of the room and her hands braced his sides. She pressed slow kisses beneath his jaw and he held her close. But then her hands reached between them as she started working on unbuttoning the front of her dress.

His breath caught as he reached up to help her. 

“Are you sure?” he breathed out, knowing how he felt.

She nods. “I’m sure.”

He leaned down to kiss her fiercely and her arms wrapped around his neck as she tried to walk back towards his bedroom. Ben felt that same passion fuel him, making him feel bold where he would otherwise be nervous because he hoisted her up in his arms and carried her through his house. He smirked at how well she fit against him as he brought them into his room. 

Neither of them sure what to do first until Rey pushed him away to pull off her shoes and he did the same. They took turns removing the clothes that remained between them. Rey’s dress dropped to the floor pooling by her feet before she moved back, straddling him where he sat on the end of the bed. Ben felt like it was a dream, his brain almost overwhelmed by what he sees, by what he feels, especially once she helps him undo the clasp of her bra. They both fall back on the bed clumsily with him on top, her ankles hooked behind his back. 

For a long time that’s how it was as their hands wandered and they pressed their lips to newly exposed places, they’d never shared. Her hardened peaks graze against his bare chest and he was surprised he hadn’t short-circuited. He thinks if this is as far as they went for now he would be satisfied. 

His hands traveled between them and felt completely what he almost had that morning in her bedroom. As his palm covered her breast, first gently and then seizing slightly, she moaned out and her hips rolled against his, making him groan out as it simultaneously eases the tension and also drove it higher.

Their hands roamed, discovering each other in a whole new way. Especially when she guides one of his own towards the waistband of her underwear. His eyes are wide, watching her cautiously before he finds the courage to travel further. Her breath hitches as he finds her center. When she gasps, he does too, amazed by how she feels. 

He never would have expected it but something incites within him as she grinds against him. He still feels unsure though but Rey’s hand lowers to show him what to do and when he copies her, instantly she moans, clinging to him tighter.

Rey arches into him. His fingers move more and more confidently as he watches her climb. Her mouth falls open and there’s a pinch between her brows. Her nails dig into his shoulders and she moaned out his name louder than ever before and Ben nearly finished himself as he felt her body clench around his fingers. 

He almost expected it to end there, assuming she’d be tired and he would have been more thrilled with that. But instead, it was when things seemed to become more urgent as her own hands traveled down and slid under the waistband of his boxers. 

He half rolls off of her for a moment as they both quickly fumble to remove their underwear, baring themselves to each other completely for the first time. 

Their eyes roam over each other, now hiding nothing as they know where this is going. Their heaving breaths are all that’s heard in the room.

Ben moves to kiss her softly as she pulls him closer and they feel more than ever before but it’s the sudden contact that reminds him of the precautions he was supposed to be taking. 

He pulls away to grab the box of condoms from his bedside table. He bought them after that morning in her apartment and they discussed this. Ben knew he should be prepared for when they were ready. And even though he had permanently embarrassed himself buying condoms for the first time and he’s not sure he could ever go to that store again, he’s glad he went through it now.

His hands struggle with the odd packaging and he’s starting to realize how foreign this is to him. Rey chuckles softly, taking it from him to deal with and help him get it on. He thanked her as well as he could in a tight voice as he was hyper-aware of how her hands touched him. Once it’s on though she doesn’t pull them away. His cheeks are flaming as he can only think to keep his arms steady so he didn’t collapse on her because as arousing as it is he’s suddenly fraught with nerves, wondering if he’s about to ruin it. 

“I’m probably not going to be very good at this,” he told her, his voice shaky.

“You _will_.”

“I probably won’t last long.”

“I don’t care,” she breathes out, the rise and fall of her chest hypnotic.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he croaks out, that being one of his greatest fears. 

“You won’t,” she says, craning her neck to kiss him softly and it instantly calms him as he reminds himself not to be afraid. “I love you,” she tells him, her lips brushing softly against his.

His response comes easily, flooding out of him with certainty. “I love you.”

His hand fumbles against hers as they both try to figure out where he needs to be. She gasps when they seem to be aligned and Ben’s heart has never been beating so fast. With a slow roll of his hips, he presses inside.

They didn’t move for a long time at first as he feared it would be over before it started. But eventually, he found some sense of control and set a slow pace once he found his bearings and the best way to move. Ben would never forgive himself if he hurt her so he panicked when her breath caught at one point but she clung to him tighter before he could retract, assuring him it felt good. 

He was only convinced of this after he thrust in once more and she gasped out, her head falling against the pillows as she urged him to keep going. Her hands cling to him as if she could pull him in further. 

He had been so used to only causing pain. To know he was capable of this, _capable of making her feel good,_ made him more confident than he had been in possibly his whole life. 

“You feel so good,” he heard himself say, still lost in her, chasing after something he never truly understood until then. None of their previous fumblings compared to this. No amount of him taking care of matters for himself on lonely nights or in his shower would have prepared him for how amazing it can feel when she surrounds him. 

He watches her beneath him. How her eyes close when she moans. How her hair fans out on the pillow when her head falls back. Her hips start to meet his when he thrusts back in and their pace starts to speed up gradually. “Fuck,” he groans, overwhelmed but wanting more. Needing more. His bed beneath them creaks with their movements. Rey’s moans coincide with his own, both of them getting louder. 

It’s then that Ben feels himself starting to slip, moaning out as he digs his fingers into the sheets on either side of her. “Rey…” he breathes out, trying to tell her something but he can’t remember what. He feels himself getting lost further and further instead. 

In the end, he was right. He hadn’t lasted long. He’s pretty sure she didn’t finish this time but when he tries to ask she just kisses him and tells him she doesn’t care.

* * *

Rey stood under the spray of Ben’s shower, admiring the rack of soaps as she starts to understand why his hair is so shiny.

She smiles as she thinks about him, _about what they did._

She hadn’t stopped thinking about it since they discussed it several days ago. She knew it felt right and it was just a matter of finding time and solitude and ensuring that’s what Ben wanted to. So when she realized she had the night off, she knew she wanted to seize the chance and she was glad Ben felt the same.

She finishes rinsing off, stepping out and she sees Ben folded a shirt and some sweats of his on the counter for her to wear. She smiles, realizing it was more than just his clothes but an invitation to stay.

She brings the shirt to her face, admiring the softness and how it smells so distinctly like Ben. She pulls it over her head and it engulfs her frame but she quite likes it and she already thinks she’d like to steal it because she likes it better than her usual pajamas. 

The sweatpants are huge and she pulls on the drawstring until they stay around her hips before she steps back out into his bedroom. Ben was sitting on the end of the bed but he stands up when he sees her. He’s wearing something similar to her. 

“Those suit you,” he smiles, seeing her in his clothes. 

“I thought so. I might need to keep them,” she smiles although she’s not really joking. 

“They’re yours,” Ben says, stepping over to wrap his arms around her. “I, uh...was scourging through my kitchen. I haven’t been to the store in a while since I eat out a lot. But you know that.”

Rey laughs, knowing very well how much money he spends on half-decent breakfast food.

“I think I can only offer you Top Ramen,” Ben says with a chuckle. “I’m starting to realize I’m not really an actual grown-up.”

Rey rises to her toes to kiss him softly. “I like Top Ramen.”

Ben smiles but she admires the blush on his cheeks. His eyes glance to the bed though and his smile falls. “Are you okay?” he asks quietly.

“Of course. _More than okay_ ,” she tells him.

His smile returns. “I just heard once that...it might hurt the first time for a girl.”

Rey shakes her head. “I feel good. If anything I feel like my legs are wobbly but I don’t exactly mind.” 

_It’s true,_ she thinks. Although that feeling is present, she oddly likes it. It’s a reminder that what happened _happened_. 

“Do you want to stay the night?” Ben asks hopefully like he doesn’t already know. Rey smiles, opening her mouth to speak but he continues. 

“We don’t have to do anything, I just meant so we don’t have to go anywhere. And I can get you to class in the morning. We’re technically closer from here so–”

Rey nods. “I’d like that. You don’t mind?” Rey asks because she likes teasing him.

“Rey...you can stay as long as you want,” Ben says seriously as his hands find hers. She can tell how much he means that and his sincerity strikes her to her core. He was so considerate and loving and Rey thinks she might take him up on that offer 

_But one thing at a time,_ she tells herself. 

And then her stomach grumbles, ruining the tender moment for what it was but Ben chuckles and it seems to put his worries aside as he kisses her softly before they move through to the kitchen.

It’s quite domestic as they stand around the kitchen, leaning against each other or speaking softly while they wait for water to boil so they can make their noodles. Ben doesn’t have a table so they move out towards the couch to eat it on the coffee table and they find some ghastly movie to watch but it’s enjoyable and comforting and Rey decides she much prefers this to...almost anything. She’s used to being so busy, even her evenings off. But this was, at the risk of sounding naive, _perfect._

She gathers that Ben is rather passive about his house but it feels homey and safe and she knows that’s mostly just because he lives here. 

Finn was right, she was whipped.

But that doesn’t concern her when Ben is who he is. _How could she not be?_

Eventually, when they head back to bed, Rey truly appreciates how large his bed really is as it accommodates both of them efficiently but she still cuddles close to him rather than really taking her own side. But he doesn’t seem to mind. 

"I love you, Ben," Rey says softly against his chest. 

She feels him press a kiss to the top of her head. "I love you too."

She falls asleep with Ben gently brushing his fingers through her hair. 

* * *

The second time happened several hours later in the early morning light and Ben devoted all his willpower to ensuring that Rey finished before he did. Which wasn’t easy but he found his hands gave him a great advantage. But when she cries out his name, he’s done for and once again it ends rather quickly but they’re both too boneless and satisfied to even think about that.

Unfortunately, they didn’t get time to really rest (or do it again) because he promised Rey he’d get her to class on time so they had to get up but Ben did discover how well his shower accommodated two people. 

The third time was later that evening when he dropped her off at her apartment after her shift ended. He knew she had homework so he was prepared to say goodnight, but when she noticed Finn wasn’t home, she practically dragged him in. He was glad he thought to put one of the condoms in that weird pocket of his jacket he never uses because it was too small to fit things. But Ben quickly realizes what he can use it for now. She had moved on top of him and Ben didn’t realize how much a different position would change things but he was certain this was his favorite. He helped her move over him, clutching her hips until they both cried out in relief. Only he was a lot louder and Rey’s hand instantly clamped over his mouth because the neighbors were walking by. Rey laughed and even though his cheeks were on fire he laughed too, recalling what she had said about thin walls.

The fourth time was over a day later, after they realized there was no use in pretending like it wasn’t what they really wanted to be doing. She had gone with him to the grocery store to get some _adult food_ that wasn’t instant noodles. But when they were putting groceries away, they finally snapped out of it. Although it started on his kitchen counter it ended hastily on his couch.

The sixth time actually _started_ on the couch but then they fell on the floor so that’s where it ended. 

The ninth time began in his bedroom again after he had done some slightly embarrassing but informative research. He was nervous at first but after he hitched her legs over his shoulders, she seemed to understand and gasped into the room once he pressed his mouth against her. Her reaction made his nerves disappear.

Times ten and eleven followed closely in the hours after.

Rey got really busy with the workload for her classes and keeping up with her shifts so the twelfth time didn’t happen until about three days later and they both realized how desperate they quickly became as they barely made it to his house.

It’s like something within them had awakened and it wasn’t going to fade any time soon. Neither of them wanted it to. 

Because as hopeless as Ben felt in the beginning when he was reluctant to even admit to himself he had feelings for Rey let alone desires to be with her in such a way, he doesn't feel nervous anymore. Every time for him is certainly getting more intense and more encompassing and he likes to hope it’s the same for her. He tries to take note of everything that makes her breath hitch and how to try and get himself to withstand longer until they both collapse against the bed breathless and sweaty.

“I love you so fucking much,” he manages to say before sleep pulls him under.

* * *

Rey leaned over the counter, skimming over a chapter she was supposed to be reading but she felt like she couldn’t be bothered. It was nearly three in the morning now and there was no one in the restaurant besides Snap who was fast asleep in the kitchen. 

Ben told her he’d show up soon. She told him he really didn’t need to come and stay up with her when she had the nightshift but he insisted, saying he worried about her being by herself in the restaurant. The last time he brought it up she reminded him that Snap was here too but they both laughed, knowing the man spent most of his shift dead asleep.

She knows Ben is finishing something for work. He said he had to collect money from a nightclub downtown and he did not seem excited about it.

But then she hears the sound of his engine pull into the parking lot and she smiles when he parks right out front and he waves at her through the window. She rounds the counter to meet him and kisses him as soon as he steps inside. His hands slide around her waist, pulling her close. So close she feels her feet leave the ground for a moment.

She hadn’t seen him since that morning and it shouldn’t have felt like the eternity it ended up being but she’s so glad to see him again and she’s glad he insisted on coming to see her even though he really should go home and go to bed. 

Of course, she wouldn’t kiss him like this at work unless it was really just the two of them. But the place was empty and that fuels way too much of her imagination.

But then she remembers they aren’t officially alone when there’s a crash in the kitchen. Rey pulls away from Ben and rushes to look through the window to see Snap had slumped out of the chair and a pot fell on his head as he landed on the ground. 

Rey tried not to laugh. “You alright?”

The man yawns. “I can’t sleep in this stupid chair.”

Rey chuckles. “Maybe you can sleep on the bread,” she offers in jest.

“Do we have any customers?”

“Just Ben,” Rey says, pointing at him over her shoulder. Ben steps up behind her and waves at Snap through the window. 

“Ben, are you going to eat anything?” Snap asks him, clearly going to be annoyed if he says yes.

“No, I’m good.”

“Good. Then I’m gonna go take a nap in my car. Come get me if someone shows up. Or make it yourself. It’s not rocket science,” he mumbles with his eyes half-closed as he moves for the back door and out to the back parking lot. “Don’t tell Dex,” he calls out as he opens the door.

“I wouldn’t dare,” Rey says as he disappears. 

She turns back to look at Ben. “I missed you,” she says softly as he pulled her back in his arms and kissed her forehead.

“I missed you too. It was a long day.”

Rey feels her stomach swirl as she convinces herself they’re alone now. It’s just them. 

No one comes in at this time anyway. 

She knows she shouldn’t and just a week ago she would have been mortified at the thought of it. But Rey can’t describe the heavy wave of justification that desire pulls over her eyes. It’s only been a few days since the last time they had done this and Rey never expected she’d have such little control over herself when she sees him again and they have only the faintest hint of opportunity before her brain convinces herself it’s the only logical thing to do. 

She rises to her toes, kissing him fiercely, wondering if he feels it too. 

She knows he does when she feels his hands wander lower and he seems to contemplate sitting her on the counter. But it’s bright and cluttered and there’s a wall of windows facing the street behind him. 

And although no one was around to see, Rey has a better idea. 

She knows Ben is watching as she moves over to the front door and locks it before reaching for the buttons on her dress.

“Rey?” he breathes out, having caught on.

She reaches for his hand as she pulls him to the back. “Technically, I’m on break.”

Rey hears his breath hitch in her ear and his hands move to her waist as he follows her closely.

* * *

There are moments of Ben’s life where he wonders how he could have gotten there. What could he have done to lead to certain events?

For the most part, it’s been obvious when it comes to what upsets him. He knows what lead up to him getting a job at the First Order but there are moments that are so frustrating or exhausting that Ben can’t help but ask himself what he had done wrong...when he clearly knows. 

However, when it comes to what he’s gotten right, that was new. And in this instance, he cannot be certain how he got as lucky as he did. He’s never considered himself _lucky_ but he knows he is now.

Rey's legs are hitched tight around his hips. She gasps and he feels her nails dig into his skin as he thrusts into her, his pace quicker than usual but spurred on by the moment. There’s the knowledge of where they are and what they’re doing that tells him they have to rush and that makes it all the more exhilarating. Rey was sitting barely on the edge of a counter behind the lockers while he stood between her legs. She made it very clear no food was ever made or even prepared there and that the counter was if nothing but a nuisance to the employees anyway. _A bad design_. 

Considering what it allows them he’s inclined to disagree. 

He had struggled for a moment after she locked the back door and dimmed the lights, wondering where they were going to manage this but it seems obvious now. 

They were the only ones in the restaurant at the moment but there is the danger of a customer arriving or Snap realizing he forgot something. But _luck_ seems to be a theme of theirs lately and they make the most of it. At least that's what he tells himself. 

He’s spent so much time in this diner. He’s sat at the same lonely booth for years. Never would he have imagined that he’d be having sex with the waitress he was in love with a mere fifteen feet away in the break room. 

So much had changed. 

He used to come to this diner to be alone with his thoughts. Now he comes here to see _her_. And while defiling the restaurant is new and he doubts this will become common, he cherishes it for what it is. Because as undeserving as he feels, he’s not going to take it for granted. 

Rey’s breath hitches and Ben feels her tighten around him in every way. He pulls back to look at her in the dim light of the small room, wanting to commit it to memory as her mouth falls open and she tries to stay quiet but she can’t and cries out his name. 

“Ben!” 

Her voice pushes him over the edge and his thrusts are unsteady as he finishes seconds later with a groan before his face slumps in the crook of her shoulder. 

He pants against her skin. He feels her hands tread softly over his shoulder blades, gently soothing where her nails had dug in just moments before. 

He knows as amazing as that was, he’ll have to awkwardly discard the condom in the bathroom and Rey will have to brush through her hair and pretend like this never happened in case someone else comes in. But for a moment, that seems so far away as he just takes the moment to exist in the space where nothing else mattered. He presses soft kisses to her shoulder, up her throat until he finds her mouth and kisses her tenderly. 

He thinks with certainty, as he does every time when they finish, that it’s the best so far. And although he’s usually so biased because every time is amazing, this was so new and thrilling, and doesn’t know it he’ll be able to think of anything else every time he comes into the diner now. 

He smiles when he finds her eyes and they both chuckle incredulously as they realize what they've just done. 

* * *

It should have been against her bigger judgment but Rey won’t regret it. 

Rey thinks this sixteenth time is her new favorite. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whelp, that escalated quickly. 
> 
> I want to have the next one done soon bc we get to hear more about Ben's past and how he came to work for the First Order but remember to be wary of the tags.
> 
> <3!!


	9. The Answering Machine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter has mentions of suicidal thoughts very briefly. It's while Ben is speaking about his past. It's more implied than anything but I figure it's best to mention it here if you want to skip it so that section will begin and end with "(***)"
> 
> I would consider this a very hurt/comfort sort of chapter

Ben likes to try and count how many freckles she has on her nose. Or how many times her nose scrunches while she’s sleeping. 

He feels happy. He can’t recall ever feeling it as certain as now. There would be occasional glimpses before that made him happy for a few minutes. Like when he finished a puzzle or a book or when he first rode his motorcycle. 

Nothing but small ephemeral moments before it all fizzled out and he hardly noticed because he got used to not expecting much.

But this was lasting. 

She’s helped give him a whole new outlook on life he had just assumed he wasn’t capable of. He’s usually a ‘glass half empty and it’s filled with piss’ kind of person but Rey was the opposite. She was so bright and it’s like everyone she meets seems to notice how infectious that brightness could be. He’s seen how customers beam at her and how kind she is. She’s always so surprised when people give her good tips but he tells her that he knows from personal experience how quickly people fall in love with her. She rolls her eyes but he means it. 

He also thinks of when parents come in with small children and she’s always so gentle with them and ensures that they get lollipops before they leave. She was going to be an amazing teacher. He can tell she worried about it with the workload in her classes but he knows she’s got nothing to worry about. She was such a natural. At _everything._

He brushes the stray hairs from her face to the pillow, hoping she could stay forever. And more than anything, hoping he doesn’t screw it up.

But then his phone blares in the living room. Rey stirs at the noise. 

“Who’s–”

“Ignore it,” he tells her softly. “Probably a sales call anyway.” It was still early enough.

She hums but there’s a smile on her lips as she cuddles closer to him. He sleeps so much better now and he decides he’ll have to finish counting her freckles later as he rests his chin on top of her head, ignoring the ringing of his phone.

He sighs in relief when it ends and he hears his machine beep as well as his unamused greeting.

_“I’m not here, just leave a message.”_

Rey chuckles when she hears it, pressing soft kisses against his throat. For a moment he decides he’s not tired anymore and ducks to find her lips and he smirks as he feels her fingers thread through his hair.

But then the machine beeps and the message starts. 

_“Hello, Ben. It’s me again.”_

Ben pulls away from Rey as his whole body freezes over at the voice that comes through his machine. 

_It’s his mother._

He turns his head towards the doorway, wondering if he should jump out of bed and cut it off like he always does. But he doesn’t make a decision and instead he stays where he is as his mother’s voice echoes through the house, eliminating any surge of desire that had started to build. 

_“I know you won’t pick up and I know you won’t answer...I just wanted to call. I like to hear your voice even though it’s a recording,”_ she chuckles, and just by the way she’s talking Ben can tell she’s been drinking. Usually, her calls are tense and rushed like she’s reading something she’s written ahead of time. But this is clearly different and he recalls from his younger years what happens when his mom has a lot of wine. Usually, after she’s had a bad day.

_“Listen, I...I just wanted to call and tell you that...I know why you don’t want to talk to me. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize why you’d be angry but I understand now and I hope you know how sorry I am because I should have been there for you when it mattered.”_

Ben holds his breath, not sure if he should continue listening or not. He moves to sit up to turn it off, thinking that would be better. But he feels Rey’s hand steady on his back and perhaps that’s why he stays where he is... _just listening._ He’s so used to cutting his mother off right when he hears her voice come through and to hear it now, knowing she’s awake at that moment and thinking about him...it just feels strange. 

_“Anyways, I won’t waste your time. I just wanted to call and tell you I love you and that if you ever want to come home, I’ll be here. Goodnight, Ben.”_

The message ends and Ben still feels frozen. He doesn’t know what to do.

Rey sits up in the sheets behind him. Her hand roams across his back as he feels her lean against him. “That was your mother?” she asks softly. 

He can only nod. Usually, he feels so angry when he hears her voice and admittedly that was his first reaction now too. But what she said just made him feel sad. And he already knows, even though he can’t see her face, how that must have affected Rey. 

Rey always wanted a home. A family. He wonders how she feels now to actually hear how much his mother must miss him. 

But he hasn’t exactly shared the extent of his relationship with his family. He’s really only told her that he doesn’t speak to them.

Ben takes a deep breath, once again riddled with fear that what comes will scare her away. That as she learns more about him it may help her come to the conclusion that being around him probably wasn’t the best. 

He stands up, suddenly nervous. He pulls his underwear back up and debates marching towards his answering machine and just throwing it out the window. Maybe that’s something he would have done months ago, but he knows now that’s irrational. 

But it still makes him uneasy to have heard his mother speak like that. It makes him angry. He doesn’t care if she’s apologizing or if she thinks she knows why he left, it was too late. Did she really think he was going to come home? He was almost twenty-eight years old. Why was she calling, offering him a home now? _Why did it take her so long?_

“Ben?” Rey asks softly and he turns to see she’s standing across from him, wearing one of his shirts. “Are you okay?”

He tries to speak but he’s so frustrated and confused and no words come out. 

She steps over, her hands bracing his sides. “Here, sit down,” she says, guiding him to the end of the bed. She runs her hands across his back and he relaxes a little. He doesn’t have to get upset. He doesn’t have to storm out the way he always did.

Although last time he stormed out when his mother called he went to Dex’s which ended up being the first day the girl beside him had been working. But she’s here now so he doesn’t have to resort to crossword puzzles or any of his old tricks.

Rey is here and he feels safe.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.

He looks at her and he can see how willing she is to listen. More so than anyone ever has. Which might explain why he’s never really told anyone this story before.

Which might also explain why he doesn’t know how to even start.

So Rey talks first, helping him figure out how. “When was the last time you spoke to her?”

Ben looks to his hands. “When I was eighteen. Almost ten years ago.”

He’s never spoken about this aloud. He’s thought about it a lot but he’s never had someone to actually listen before. 

And Rey truly listens. He’s not sure she would understand or if there even is anything to understand but...she deserves to know. 

And surprisingly, he finds, he wants to tell her. 

“I never quite fit in with my family,” he starts, his eyes looking to a scratch in his dresser instead of at her. His heart beats heavily in his chest as he recounts the past. 

“Especially my dad. We just didn’t see eye to eye. I don’t think he wanted kids but from what I understand I wasn’t exactly _planned_. My mom was very career-oriented. Very politically and community involved and always trying to help everyone...but when it came to me she didn’t know what to do. After a while, I just assumed they didn’t like me that much. I seemed to only interrupt their lives that they had gotten comfortable in by the time I came along. I was a nuisance it seemed.”

Rey’s hand remains on his back, her thumb brushes past his skin and it relaxes him enough to actually continue. 

“So, I acted out a lot. I started fights and stole money from her purse to buy cigarettes, just because I knew it’d make her mad.” Ben pulls at a thread on the edge of the comforter. “She’d got fed up and my dad wasn’t around since he was always traveling for odds and ends jobs he didn’t even need because my mom came from wealth but he still did just because he ‘needed his space.’”

Ben recalls all the times he overheard arguments between his parents about Han’s trips that kept him away for so long. And naturally, the conversation always circled back to do something with Ben so he could really only assume that it was somehow his fault. 

Ben never understood what he did that was so bad. Maybe it was just existing.

“Since my mom was busy and didn’t know how to deal with me, I ended up spending a lot of time with my uncle. He was committed to change my behavior and get me to stop fighting but I just...I wanted to get away. They all seemed to resent me and after a while, I started to understand why.”

“Ben,” Rey says, sounding offended on his behalf, even though he was the one who said it. 

“No, it’s true. It’s just how I am.”

“Don’t say that,” she breathes out as she kisses his shoulder. “You’re so hard on yourself.”

Ben swallows, unsure what to say. But as his memory revives itself, unlocking memories he preferred to forget, he feels like he’s sinking. 

“I tried to tell myself I didn’t care what they thought...but I know now that I did. There was always a part of me that wanted to see my dad when I got home and we could just fix the car or he could take me to a game and I could pretend for five minutes I liked baseball, but it never went like that. Everything was an argument and even if it didn’t start as one, one of us would ensure it did.”

Ben takes a deep breath, not saying a word for a solid thirty seconds as he recalls the days the truly determined the rest of his life.

“One day I came home and my dad was back. He was working in the garage over his car that I was barely allowed to look at. I peeked in but when I did I saw him with a bunch of his friends he had invited over. One of them was the son of these neighbors we had, _Jacen._ He went to the same high school as me. And I saw my dad laughing with him and talking while they repaired something on the engine together and I don’t know why it just...gutted me.”

Ben hadn’t thought about it in so long. It hurt to see his father playing that role so easily with someone else but when it came to his own son, he couldn’t get far enough away. 

“I didn’t understand how it could be so easy for everyone else to see him as this amazing guy that could do anything. And maybe that’s who he was, he just wanted someone more like him for a son too. But I never saw him like that so if I was supposed to learn from his example he just never showed me that.”

His father never made sense to him. And even further, Ben didn’t understand why he still tried so hard to get Han’s attention and approval.

“I walked right past him through the garage to get in the house and he didn’t even see me but I could hear him and Jacen talking like he and I never could. I stormed into my room and slammed the door so hard it knocked down all these frames in the hall and I spent the evening cleaning up glass.

“So the next day, when I went to school...I walked right up to Jacen and I punched him in the face. I already knew it wasn’t going to make me feel better and that it wasn’t his fault but I did it anyway. It started this big fight. The teachers pulled us apart and I got expelled, especially because it wasn’t the first fight I had been in and it was just the last straw.” 

Ben remembers sitting in the principal's office with a bloody nose and bruised knuckles. Jacen sat a few seats away from him as they stared at the wall, waiting for their parents to arrive to talk with the principal. Jacen was in worse shape than he was with a black eye and a broken wrist. 

Ben felt so horrible then as he started to realize why his parents might not love him. And even as he sat there, feeling sorry for Jacen who still had no idea why he had started the fight, Ben never apologized. He never said a word. He had nothing left to say and it was an odd numb and yet consuming feeling that overpowered him and made him feel so hopeless.

“My parents were so angry and didn’t understand why I’d try to hurt this kid that had never done anything to me. Both my parents and my uncle stood with me in our living room as they tried to get me to answer...to say something, but I didn’t. I just...sat there and eventually I just snapped out of it so I stood up and sprinted out the front door.”

“That’s when you left?” Rey asks.

He shakes his head. “No. Not yet,” he says, wishing he had. “That night I ran so hard for so long until I was up in the hills and it had gotten dark. I didn’t know where I was going, I just knew I had to get away. Everything was too much and I had all this anger building up inside me. But no matter how hard I pushed myself or how fast I ran it didn’t go away.”

He remembers just running without thinking of where he was going. He’s surprised he didn’t get hit by a car because he just kept going.

He glances over to look at Rey to see if she’s still listening...she is. Most intently.

“I ended on the top of this hill that overlooked the city. I was finally alone and my lungs were burning and I just...I just screamed.”

Ben remembers how he fell to his knees and sobbed like he never had, the tiny rocks digging into his skin through his jeans. His knees ache just thinking about it. 

(***)

“I looked out at the city but then I kept looking down..down by the rocks a hundred feet below me and…”

_He can’t say it. He’s never said it out loud._

_“I don’t know,_ for a moment I thought that'd be for the best if it could all just stop. I seemed to make everything worse anyway,” Ben shrugs, trying to feel indifferent. But his mouth is dry and he suddenly remembers the sight so clearly. He remembers the scratchy bushes and his feet burned from running in his sneakers that definitely weren’t meant for running. He remembers the exhaustion and the resignation he felt. How tired he felt. How much easier it would be if it was all over.

He hears Rey gasp softly as she takes his meaning and her hold on him grows tighter. 

(***)

“My family hated me... _I hated me_. No matter what I did I always felt like something was just gnawing away at me from the inside. I’d never felt so alone.”

“You’re not alone,” she tells him softly, her voice croaking and it’s then that he realizes that she’s crying. He reaches for one of her hands. She sniffles, holding just as tight back as she kisses the back of his hand.

He feels her tears on his skin. He didn’t think anyone would ever feel this much for him and he’s so glad he didn’t let himself make that decision almost ten years ago. He’s so glad he’s here with her now. He would endure it all over again if he knew she was waiting at the end for him.

“What did you do?” she asks him, listening closely.

“I just _stood there._ I don’t know for how long…”

Long enough that it had been so dark and for his fingers to get numb from the chill in the night air.

But then I heard these cars approaching up the road. I knew they were coming to the clearing where I was but I still couldn’t move. I felt frozen. I remember wanting to think it was my parents who had tracked me down. I even would have been relieved to see my uncle. I was so scared and alone and I just wanted someone to reach out and tell me it was going to be okay...but it wasn’t them.”

Rey’s face is riddled with worry. “Who was it?” 

Ben sighs, wondering how small his chances were to have been there where he was when they pulled up and feeling empty enough to get caught up in what he did. It changed his life forever.

“These two cars pulled up. I couldn’t see who they were, the headlights were blinding me...but they could see me. The moment these guys stepped out, I could tell it was bad news. Some of them moved further over in the dirt, looking like they were waiting for someone while two big guys headed for me. I wanted to run...but I didn’t.”

* * *

**_April 1990_ **

_“What are you doing here, kid?” the bigger one asks._

_Ben looked down at himself, wondering what he could say. He didn’t have an answer and that actually gave him comfort that he didn’t know. He hadn’t come to a decision on what he was doing and at least if he was doing nothing that made him realize he could step further away from the edge._

_The momentary comfort vanishes instantly when the man shoves him a bit. “I asked you a question.”_

_“I–”_

_“Who do you work for?” the other one bites out._

_Ben scrunches his face. “I’m fucking eighteen! I don’t work for anyone.”_

_The man laughs. “That’s what they always say.”_

_And then Ben feels a punch to the gut._

_“That jog your memory?” the other man chuckles which makes the other one laugh too._

_“Could you move things along, please?” a voice from over past the cars call out._

_“Right away, sir,” the big man says. But Ben barely registers what they say. He should. He should know these guys are bad news and if has the chance to bolt he needs to take it._

_But he doesn’t._

_This time the other guy hits him across the face and instantly Ben tastes blood._

_“Whoa, this kid is plain fucking stupid,” they laugh. “Why don’t you run home to mommy, kid? Adults are working here.”_

_Ben feels his fists curl as he realizes with nothing to lose, he didn’t have to take shit like this. So h_ _e spits in the shorter man’s face, ensuring himself the fight he was suddenly yearning for._

_The big one swings first. Ben’s never fought anyone this large before and that should probably scare him that there’s two of them...but it doesn’t._

_Ben gives it all he’s got as he swings his fist and clocks the bigger guy beneath the jaw before he could do it to him._

_“What the fuck?”_

_That got things rolling as the other man hit him in the gut. But Ben stayed standing, blocking what he could and striking at every chance._

_The anger that had boiled within him fueled him and soon enough he hit the first man hard enough to knock him back in the dirt. His knuckles burn but he doesn’t care._

_“Oh you’re dead, you little shit!” The second man growled._

_“Excuse me!” another voice booms and in an instant, the fighting ceases. “Gentlemen, what the hell is going on here?”_

_It’s the man who called out from earlier. Ben had gotten so caught up in the fight, he forgot other people were here and probably watching._

_The man in the dirt groans. “This kid is causing trouble, sir.”_

_Ben shakes his head. “They’re the ones that hit me first,” he defends himself. But his eyes squint to see the man standing across from him now. He was tall and dressed in the most expensive suit Ben had ever seen. Ben’s stomach turns just looking at him, especially when he has a cynical sort of smile._

_“Well, congratulations. You managed to knock down one of my best guys and you look as skinny as that tree over there,” the man nods to a young tree that looked more like a branch. “But you’re tall and you’ve got reach. Enough to hold your own against two bigger than you and win.”_

_“He didn’t win! I’m still standing!” the shorter man argues petulantly._

_“Go wait by Hux,” the man in the suit asks sternly._

_The man rolls his eyes but steps away. The other man on the ground finally gets up, holding his jaw in pain as he steps away too. Leaving just Ben and this new stranger._

_“Excuse us for any disturbance. We’re awaiting some associates of ours to finalize a rather sensitive deal. It makes us all a little cautious. But if you are unaffiliated–”_

_“I don’t work for anyone, okay?” Ben snaps. “I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. As usual,” Ben says, glancing back to the view behind him, wondering how long he stood there._

_“Well, maybe for once, it’s your lucky day. I could use someone like you in my business. You fight well.”_

_“What are you, a wrestling coach?” Ben deadpans, not interested._

_“Well if I was, I’d be smart enough to see you fight well.”_

_“They started it,” Ben reiterates._

_The man laughs, “and you finished it. But all joking aside, skills and boldness like that go very far in my line of work. I’m impressed. You’ve already outranked two of my men to begin with and the big guy you knocked to the ground was one of the stronger ones. Had a few inches on you too.”_

_“Listen, I’m sorry for getting involved. I was just out for a run. I didn't see anything,” Ben says, realizing now it was about not getting actually killed as he starts to realize how serious these guys could be. What the fuck was he thinking, starting another fight?_

_The man just laughed. “Good instincts too. Yes, I think you’d do well with our business. Deny everything.”_

_Ben stands there, unsure what to say._

_“You still in school?”_

_“I got expelled this afternoon,” Ben tells him._

_The man chuckles. “Let me guess. Fighting?”_

_Ben nods._

_He smirks again. “Yes, I think you’ve certainly got the knack for it.” The man turns around to the small crowd standing behind him. “Hux! Come here.” A redheaded man rushes over. He doesn’t look that much older than Ben but he’s dressed as well as the older man._

_“Yes, sir?”_

_“Give him our card. I think he’d be a fine addition.”_

_The redhead pulls out a business card from a leather folder he was carrying and handed it to Ben._

_Ben angles the card so he can read it in the glow from the headlights._

_**First Order Loans,** it reads. _

_“Loans?” Ben asks, feeling confused. What did loans have to do with fighting anyway?_

_“Loans,” the man repeats with a chuckle. “There’s a lot of scum in this city desperate for cash. Sometimes when they get it they make the wrong choices and it’s up to my associates and I to keep things in line. That’s where people like you come in. And let me tell you, someone like you could go very far in this business if you keep knocking out the right bastards at the right time.”_

_Ben doesn’t say anything._

_“You got a name?”_

_“Ben.”_

_“Ben,” he repeats with a nod. “Well, Ben, to me, you look like a kid who doesn’t think he has any choices because you didn’t play by the rules and you think your life is over.”_

_Ben could wince. It hurts how accurate that actually is. But the man continues._

_“Truth is, if you knew what options the real world really had, you wouldn’t be so devastated. So why don’t you think it over and give us a call? We’re always on the lookout for people that can assure clients meet their deadlines.”_

_“You mean…” Ben glances back down at the card. “If I call you, you’ll just give me a job. All because I beat up two of your guys?”_

_The man and the redhead chuckle._

_“Consider this the interview, only you get to decide if you want to be in touch. But for now, we’ve got some work to attend to so why don’t you get out of here. Think it over.”_

_Ben steps away, realizing he was being let go. He very possibly just spoke to some crime boss and gets a free pass to walk away. He glances back down at the card._

_“Uh...it doesn’t have your name. If I call, who do I ask for?”_

_“I’m Anthony Snoke. The boss. When you call, my assistant will put you through.”_

_Ben nods, turning away and making his way back down the hill._

_He had stood on the edge of that clearing, waiting for a reason to convince himself to just go home and deal with it like he always does. A job offer that came to him was a little far-fetched but he wouldn’t be picky._

_So even though he knows he’s supposed to toss the card and be glad he got away with his life, he decides that, for once, someone was giving him a chance and not trying to bullshit him. Because Ben knows this was probably the only thing he’d actually be good at. It’s not like he applied to any colleges. He had told his mom he would consider going to community college in the fall but that was before he got expelled that afternoon._

_So Ben decides he’s going to keep the card and if he feels the same way tomorrow. He was going to call Snoke._

* * *

“ _Snoke_...that’s the guy that’s your boss now?”

Ben nods. 

“I kind of thought I’d talk myself out of it by the time I got home. But my dad was there waiting, asking where I went and why I looked beaten to shit. We got into another fight that night and...that was the last time I saw him. He left to help his buddy with a job on the east coast the next morning and I took that as he was done with me...so I decided to call someone that actually saw some potential, even if it was for just beating someone up. So I call Snoke and I tell him I’m interested. I figured by then I was only good at fucking things up so I might as well get paid for it.”

“That’s not true. Please tell me you know that.”

Ben glances at her. She had tears streaking her face. “I know that _now_...but it’s still new to me, I think.”

“I’ll remind you all the time.”

Ben feels drained. It took a lot to discuss such a heavy topic. He wasn’t expecting that but it proves that he’s just never done it before. It oddly surprises him as he reminds himself how long it’s been and how long he’s just pressed it down. It was a lot. 

But Rey didn’t pull away from him once. 

He leans his forehead against hers, so grateful she was here.

“So Snoke hired you. Is that when you left?”

“Not immediately, no. I didn’t have enough money for my own place until after a few weeks. I started out shadowing other guys on jobs. I was told to chase people down if they ran since I was young and I could sprint quickly. It was back when I was still lanky and I was a twig with big ears.”

Rey gives a soft laugh through her nose as she reaches up, brushing his hair past his ears. A gesture Ben has never loved anyone else enough to allow but he heartily lets her do it whenever she pleases. 

“Anyways, eventually, I saved up enough money and I was getting ready to move out. It was the weekend I was supposed to be graduating and my mom was trying to convince me to make amends and finish school but I wasn’t listening. My uncle got involved. He thought I was dealing drugs because I was out at odd hours and I came home with bruised knuckles and pockets full of cash. We got in this big fight and then my mom got home and she took his side. That was kind of the breaking point. I packed a bag and left. I got a shitty apartment and just…” he shakes his head at himself. It all sounds so stupid out in the open air. 

“I tried to convince myself that it was the only option. They didn’t want me but I found something I was good at. And I guess when I was eighteen, taking out my aggression on strangers appealed to me. I couldn’t talk to people. I didn’t have anyone. _I was scared_ but after everything, I figured it was the only way I could live. I can’t believe it’s been almost ten years.”

“Oh, Ben.”

“I never told anyone any of that before.” Those words echo in his mind as it all washes back over him. because it was true. He never said those things aloud which means he's never said them himself. It all starts to sink in. His throat feels tight and he starts to feel like he could cry.

She kisses his temple and runs a hand through his hair. “You shouldn’t have had to go through any of that alone.”

Hearing her words...it breaks the dam in his chest as he feels hot tears spill from his eyes with a vengeance and an ugly sob croaks out of him. 

* * *

Rey pulls him close and his face buries against her shoulder. She’s never seen him quite like this. But given what he just told her, she’d be surprised if he was anything else. 

“It’s okay,” Rey breathes out, hoping it helps as insignificant as the words seem. 

She couldn’t believe what he had told her, but it does start to make sense. It does start to make her realize why he is the way he is. The reason why he’s so quick to be so hard on himself or why he was so solitary. At least when she first met him.

Her own tears fall as she thinks back to what he said about the day he ran off to the hills. 

To think he felt so hopeless to consider what he had just breaks her heart. 

And although he didn’t, he still thought his only option was to get hired by some shady loan sharks that took advantage of his anger and pain and got him thinking that hurting people was the only option he ever had. 

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” she whispers to him as he hugs her a little tighter.

Ben never had anyone looking out for him the way he needed and she starts to understand why he doesn’t call his mother back. Although it sounds like the years apart have given his mother time to think, Ben has spent so much time pushing it all away that the apology his mother offered might not be enough.

Rey knew nothing about this woman but she wonders if she understood to the extent the anguish her son went through... _that he still goes through._

His job frightened her, sure. But she trusts him. Only, Rey didn’t realize that it might be something that once he’s in, he can’t get out of. He might be stuck. And Rey worries about the sort of stress and manipulation he’s been subjected to in the line of work he’s in. Because he’s mentioned before that he can’t stand the people he works with and he hates that he’s associated with them because of how they act. 

His shoulders stop shaking after several minutes as he seems to calm down. Rey doesn’t dare let go of him though. 

He sniffles a bit before he pulls away and looks back at her, he brings his hands to her face. He still has tears in his eyes as he gives her a crooked smile and it’s probably the sweetest but saddest smile she’s ever seen.

“I feel so much better now though...I never thought I could feel like I do now,” he croaks.

Rey’s lip trembles. To think he’s waited so long to just feel happy physically pains her. Because as happy as she is to have found this with him, Ben deserved to find happiness on his own. He deserved so much better than what he got.

“But that...that doesn’t change how much pain you were in. I can’t imagine, Ben,” Rey cries.

Ben takes a deep breath. “I’m not sure I really processed it in that way I was supposed to. After a while, I just got so used to it. I didn’t think about it anymore. It was all my own fault anyway.”

“No,” Rey says firmly, holding his wrists. His hands were still on her face. “No, Ben. You have to know it wasn't your fault. None of it. You shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling the way you did. I don’t know how you could feel any other way...I’m just glad you’re _here_ ,” she croaks, shaking slightly thinking of a reality where Ben’s boss didn’t drive up and offer him a job. What would he have done if no one came? She can’t even think about it. 

She hates to think she’s grateful to someone that hires an eighteen-year-old kid clearly distressed and alone to be a debt collector for violent means but she can quickly understand why Ben made the choices that he did. 

Rey had admittedly wondered about Ben and his family. She had wondered why he left. She never said anything but after her parents left her, she wondered what spurred Ben to leave his own family. But after what he’s explained to her, she reminds herself that just because someone has parents or comes from a family with a home, that doesn’t mean that everything is what it seems. Sometimes the people you love can hurt you deeper than anyone else. 

Rey knows that from her experiences...but she sees now that Ben does too. 

And although the circumstances are different, she finds more similarities between them the more she thinks about it.

He was just as alone as she was...only Rey found a new belonging in Finn and her determination to keep moving forward so she could achieve her dream to become a teacher and truly change her life. Rey isn’t sure what’s been driving Ben forward all these years that he’s been so alone. She can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for him, even if he doesn’t seem to realize it.

“Ben,” she starts softly. He meets her eyes once more as she keeps hold of him. She doesn’t think she’d let go of him ever again. “You have to promise that if you ever feel like that again, you’ll tell me.”

He shakes his head. “Rey, it was so long ago. I’m fine now.”

Rey doesn’t care how long ago it was, she wants to hear it. “Promise me, you’ll tell me. You shouldn’t have to feel like that alone.”

He nods. “Okay…I promise.”

They lay back down, holding each other close. They stay like that for a long time and even though they’re so close and she can’t see his face clearly in the dark, she knows he doesn’t fall asleep. But he seems to relax further and further. His fingers trace gently across her back for a while before Rey finally has the courage to ask a question, hoping it doesn’t cross any lines he wasn’t comfortable discussing. Especially since she can tell that revealing the story was already a lot for him. But she could tell it was all on his mind anyway and perhaps it was best to address these things now instead of bringing it up after several days when he may not want to think about it at all. 

“Do you think your mother really understands? Like she said? Or does she make those calls a lot?”

“She used to call a lot more but she’s slowed down.” He pauses for a moment but she’s surprised when he chuckles softly against her hair. “The last time she called was the night we first met actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I got home, heard her voice on the machine and instantly turned it off and got back in my car, eventually made my way to Dex’s.”

Rey smirks, thinking of the night she first met him and he could barely speak to her and make eye contact at the same time. They’ve come a long way since then. 

“I don’t even know how she got my number to begin with but she’s got money. She probably hired someone to find out. She probably knows what I do which is why she doesn’t bother to come around in person.”

Rey moves to lean on her elbow so she can try to look at his face. “Do you think you’d ever want to speak to her? To tell her how you really felt?

Ben shakes his head. “I can hardly listen to her voice on the machine, I can’t imagine talking to her again. Or even _seeing_ her. I know she’ll always trail it back to my dad and my uncle. I know they would never even try to apologize or think they had to. And even if they did, it’s over. It’s all too late for any of that, no matter what my mom said.”

Rey just keeps thinking of how sad that woman’s voice sounded. As much as Rey hates to think it’s too late for Ben to find belonging with his family, she doesn’t know them well enough to be certain they have Ben’s best intentions at heart. 

So she leaves it be for now.

But her mind can’t help but float back to his boss. She can’t believe he’s been in the same place for ten years, feeling almost no better than he did that night on the hilltop. 

“I can’t believe the man you work for offered you a job after you beat up his own men.”

“Snoke is like that. He’s the meanest son of a bitch I’ve ever known but I was desperate enough to have purpose back then...I guess I just let myself get caught up in it.”

Rey bites her lip before asking her next question, wondering if she should. “Have you ever thought of leaving?”

Ben is quiet for a long moment before he answers. “A lot. But it’s not like I ever actually entertained the idea. I don’t have anything else I could do. Not to mention people don’t just _leave_ the First Order. It doesn’t really work like that. It’s not like I could give a two weeks notice and ask for a letter of recommendation.”

Rey’s chest sinks, suspecting that may be the case. “But if you could...you’d want to?”

“I’d want to,” he admits easily. 

Rey tries to lighten the mood a bit. “What would you want to do? If you could choose anything?”

Ben shrugs. “What _could_ I do?”

Rey smiles. “You’re so smart and creative. I think you’d actually really like college.”

He chuckles, feeling a little better at the lighter topic. “What would I study in college? I don’t think punching or debt collecting is a major.”

“ _Art is._ You're a beautiful artist.”

“Rey, those are doodles. Napkin doodles. It’s basically decorating garbage.”

She flicks him playfully. “They are not. Once I get some frames they’re going up on the walls. And besides, art is just a thought. There’s plenty you’re good at or can learn about. I think you’d like it.”

“I never thought about it, but...it doesn’t really matter. I can’t leave the First Order.”

Rey nods but wishes that wasn’t the answer. She wouldn’t force anything though. Clearly, there’s a lot about his job she still doesn’t understand but every little piece he unveils unnerves her further.

So she pushes that aside for now too, focusing back on him. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah...I am actually. Thank you for listening. I know it must sound frustrating to know I left my family when–”

Rey can tell what he’s going to say and she shakes her head, cutting him off. “Ben, it’s not the same.”

“I know but still...I’d understand if you hate me.”

Again with this. Ben seems to think it’s so natural for her to hate him but she’s starting to understand that it has to do more with how Ben feels about himself. She hopes sometime soon that could change. She hopes he knows someday how wonderful he was. “I could never hate you. You should know that well enough by now.”

Ben chuckles. “I’m still in shock about it.”

Rey kisses him softly, pulling back to frame his face once more. “I love you, Ben.” She hopes he’s aware of how much.

His eyes shine and she thinks he might.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my attempt to make something soft I just made it sad.


	10. Dinner at Shan's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sure wish I knew what I was doing ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> enjoy

Finn, Poe, and Rose seem to only tease her these days as she spends more nights at Ben’s than she does at her own place. 

But she knows they mean well. 

Besides, Rey won't be embarrassed because she's happy. Not that they're trying to embarrass her either. They're happy for her too, but Rey has outgrown denying her feelings and is desperately trying to outgrow blushing furiously whenever the topic of Ben comes up.

Ever since that night his mother had called and Ben told her more about himself, she’s spent a great deal of time, thinking about all he’s been through. All he’s suffered and almost without letting himself realize it. She worried for him but he seems so genuinely happy even when they do the most mundane sort of things. 

And he’s such a gentleman. She refrains from swooning when he strolls into the diner and she has to keep her composure. 

And then there was the time she mentioned that she started her period and would have to try and make it to the store that evening because she hardly had any tampons and she could only hope she could make it through her class okay. But when he picked her up later he revealed two boxes of tampons he had gone out and bought himself. 

_ “I wasn’t sure which ones were the right ones. I’ve never gotten them before but the woman that worked there said these were common so I just got both. I can’t believe how many kinds there are.” _

Rey held the boxes in near awe. They were nicer than the ones she usually bought for herself. “ _ You mean you went to a store and publically bought me tampons and even inquired with staff about which ones were best?” _

He just shrugged and then smiled.

_ “And you weren’t embarrassed?” _

_ “I’d have been more embarrassed to know you needed them and I didn’t get them for you when I had time to.” _

Rey had almost cried. It was so sweet.

So if Finn, Poe, and Rose think that any of that warrants the teasing then Rey would put up with it because she’s not going to be embarrassed about any of the kind and considerate things that Ben does for her.

But she tries to do what she can for him too. After what he told her of his past, Rey realized that no one was ever really there for him and she wants him to she is. She wants him to know she cares beyond just telling him. 

So when she got him that keychain with the plastic waffle on it he blushed so furiously before he thanked her softly and linked it into his car keys. 

Or when she finally got the one picture of them back from the disposable camera that only had two pictures left at the time. The pictures of her and Ben were the only good ones of the twenty-five pictures she got back and she made sure to get some larger copies before she put them in frames and gave them to Ben because he really needed something on his walls. After they were up, she caught him glancing at them often as he smiled at his wall. 

She loves to see him smile. He never lets smiles slip unless he means them so she suspects he’s truly happy and it’s such a wonderful feeling.

So, yes, her friends were right that she spends more nights at Ben’s than her own place at this point but she feels she’s where she wants to be. And there are few sights more beautiful than waking up with Ben beside her. 

* * *

Ben gets to the university early since he took his bike so he waits in the shade, looking around the campus to see how much activity was here. People of all ages but mostly Rey’s age it seemed. 

He wonders for a moment what it might have been like if he came to a place like this after he graduated...or if he had actually graduated at all. His mother insisted he would go to college and perhaps that's why he convinced himself he would hate it but the more he comes to this place and the more Rey shares with him...the more it sounds appealing.

If he’s honest, he actually wasn’t too bad at school from what he remembers. And he still likes to read and he’s decent enough at most math since he’s had to deal with money so much. Maybe he actually would have made something of himself the way Rey is doing.  He thinks back to what she asked him and he honestly doesn’t know what he would have been if he wasn’t working where he is now. Rey suggested art but Ben had never even considered that seriously. He’s not sure he’s cut out for that but maybe it leads to other possibilities. 

But he doesn’t dwell on that much longer as he looks to see Rey stepping out of the building and he smiles to himself as he sees her head towards him with a spring in her step. She’s got her books in one hand and her new white helmet he got her in the other. She loves it. 

He started to realize how dangerous it was riding around on the bike without a helmet, not to mention pretty illegal but he never had trouble. However, if he was giving Rey rides, he wanted to make sure it was safe so they went helmet shopping. Rey picked out a simple white one while he opted for black as always which was no surprise to Rey either. 

But he admires how the closer she gets the smile is clear on her face and she seems to just radiate with happiness and he wonders why.

As she approaches him, she pulls something out of her book and he chuckles in confusion as she holds it out to him with a smile. 

“What’s this?” he laughs, taking the blue booklet from her.

“My professor finally finished grading that exam.”

Understanding washes over him and he opens it to see a large  _ 98% _ in red ink with the note of 'g _ reat work!' _ in cursive right beside it. 

He beams, moving to wrap his arms around her. “What did I tell you?” he asks, spinning her around. She laughs as her feet leave the ground.

“I know, I know. I should have believed you.”

“Rey, this is amazing. I’m so proud of you.”

“Well, I never would have been able to take it in the first place if it weren’t for you.”

“No, this is purely your victory. Don’t try to give me credit.”

“Well, I know the truth. That’s what matters,” she says softly. “Besides, all that matters now is that we celebrate.”

He passes her back the exam to tuck safely back inside her books before she stashes them all in her bag, preparing to batten down the hatches before the windy motorcycle ride. 

“I’d like that,” he tells her, kissing her softly before they put their helmets on and get on the bike. She had a shift in forty minutes he knows so unfortunately any celebrations would have to be on hold until later.

And if he’s honest, he knows he’s got plenty to do today anyway. 

He dropped Rey off at the diner and had a quick snack at the counter before he was on his way. But not before she waited for her five-minute break and she kissed him senseless in the back parking lot. 

It took him a moment to remember his own name. All from a kiss. But he gathered himself enough to pull away and get on his bike.

He’s glad he had a visor in his helmet or there would have been bugs in his teeth from smiling so hard. 

* * *

He starts off at Shan’s. An upscale restaurant that’s been dealing with Snoke for years. Even before Ben started working for him. It was run by a man named Revan. He was in his late fifties now but the walls were littered with pictures of him from the old days and Ben always kind of thought that he looked more like his father than his real one did but maybe it was just his hair that gave him that impression. 

He looks at them again now, admiring the one of Revan with his wife, Bastila, from a few decades back. He opened the place years ago and named it for his wife’s surname. 

But as he looks at it, he feels as if he’s looking at a picture of him and Rey. He knows he’s not but if he squints, the black and white photograph bears enough resemblance to them both and Ben remembers his promise to himself they were going to take more pictures because he’d like some around his house. 

“Kylo, good to see you,” Revan calls out from behind him and Ben turns away from the walls to see him.

Ben always thought that Revan was a kind man. He was organized and well equipped with the routine by now so this stop was never much of a chore for Ben. 

He holds out his hand to shake and Revan does the same as they move towards his back office where they usually talk business and he hands over the monthly payments. 

“How have you been?” the man asks kindly, making conversation.

“Good,” Ben answers honestly for the first time since he’s known the restaurant owner. “I’ve been really good,” he adds without realizing. It just comes out.

“Glad to hear it. You look well. You don’t have that scowl you’re always wearing around,” he chuckles as they step into the tiny back office past the kitchen that was prepping for the dinner service later. Ben smirks at his comment, realizing he was probably right so he couldn’t even be offended. 

He moves to sit in the chair across from the man’s desk as he waits for him to get his affairs in order. But as soon as the door closes, the man’s demeanor changes as he huffs, landing in his seat. 

“You okay?” Ben asks him. They don’t usually make conversation as Ben was never one for that before but as he improves at it, he finds himself curious. 

“Well...to tell the truth, I’ve been kind of dreading today. I hate to say this but I don’t have my full amount ready for you.”

“Oh,” Ben nods but he’s surprised. Revan always had his payments on time. “Did something happen?”

Revan shakes his head. “Well, you know, my son Vaner is away at college now,” Revan turns a picture frame on his desk around so Ben can see the family portrait of Revan and Bastila with their son who looked just a tad younger than Rey now. “He’s on the other side of the country which means it’s expensive and my wife is honestly a little heartbroken since he’s left so she’s been flying back and forth to see him and make sure he’s eating alright. She thinks he’ll starve to death but I try to tell her he’s growing up and he’s okay with some space, just to get her to stay still for a little while. Not to mention she doesn’t exactly know that I still pay monthly loans to Snoke so...I haven’t said anything but things add up and for once, the traffic in the dining room isn’t quite cutting it.”

Ben understands and nods. But he can’t help but admire the picture of his son. Clearly, Revan loved him very much.

“Now, I’ve got most of it. I’ve got three-quarters of it ready for you...and I know you don’t really get to make the decisions but I figured I’d ask anyway; Is there any way I can get the rest to you, maybe by after the weekend when we’ll be a little more flush?”

Ben suddenly thinks of his dilemma that he had with Plutt when he gave the guy some extra time to get the money. It turned out to be one of the worst decisions he could have ever made because it resulted in Rey getting a bruise that bloomed on her cheek for over a week. 

But Revan wasn’t Plutt. Revan was a father and a husband that was tight on cash and needed some time to cover the rest. And Ben has known him for a long time. It’s not like they talk a lot. In fact, this was the most talking they’ve ever done he thinks as it’s the first time Ben has even learned Revan’s son’s name.

Ben’s stomach churns slightly as he starts to realize he’s not going to drag the guy into Snoke the way he would with most people that don’t have their payments in full.  _ He can’t.  _

Quickly, he does the math in his head. His payments were about eighteen hundred a month and if he had three-quarters of it he wasn’t too far off.

“Listen...I’m sure you know what I’m supposed to do in the event of when things aren’t paid. But I know that your track record is solid and that your intentions are good. So...let’s say, just this once, _because I can tell you just want to do good by your family and I can appreciate that,_ I'll spot you the last four-fifty to give to Snoke. That way you’re in the clear.”

The man looks surprised. “No, I couldn’t ask that of you.”

“No, really. It’s alright. I know you’re good for it and if you say you’ll be in better shape after the weekend, you’ll pay me back.”

“I would!” The man says, sounding surprised by his kindness. “Of course. But...I mean, are you sure?”

Ben nods. Working at the First Order for as long as he has with the modest taste that he has means he had plenty of cash. The last big purchase he made was his bike but that was a rare splurge. He’s already paid it off. Four hundred and fifty dollars wasn’t too serious for him. “It’s no big deal. You’re not exactly the kind of client I have to worry about,” Ben chuckles nervously, pretending like he does this sort of thing often enough to be casual about it. 

“Kylo, I can’t thank you enough. This is no small thing. Seriously, I am in your debt. Literally, but also, anything you need, come to me.”

“No, it’s alright.”

“Are you sure? You want free take-out for life by any chance?” The man chuckles as he moves to his drawer to collect the money he does have. 

Ben shakes his head, ready to decline even if it was a kind offer. But then he gets an idea. “Actually…”

At the prospect of a possible favor, the man lights up. “Yes?”

Ben thinks back to his conversation with Rey from earlier that morning. They spoke of celebrating her A-plus on her exam. Maybe...a night out to a place like this would be fun.

“Well, maybe you’re booked up for tomorrow night but, do you think you could set aside a table for two?”

Revan breaks into the biggest grin Ben has ever seen from him. 

* * *

Rey was staring at two dresses on her bed, trying to decide which one to go with. Ben said he got them a table at Shan’s which was, to Rey’s understanding, one of the finest restaurants in the city. When she told Finn where Ben was taking her his jaw dropped and said that Poe has been trying to get reservations there forever. 

But apparently Ben knew the owner well enough to get a favor. Of course, when he mentioned it last night he was all bashful about it and said that if she wanted to think of a different way to celebrate then they could do something else but she couldn’t refuse. 

They haven’t gone out to that many other  _ sit-down and chat _ sort of restaurants. Her schedule is so hectic they usually end up getting take out or ordering something to eat at his house, more specifically his couch. 

But this sounded like a proper date and she was looking forward to it so much.

She just needed to figure out which dress to wear, wondering if anything she had was even the kind of attire that suited such a reputable place. 

“Are you still thinking?” Finn asks her from the hallway.

“I can’t decide.”

Finn steps in to study the two dresses on the bed. She had picked one of her floral dresses that wasn’t made of cotton so even though she got it on sale it looked fancier than it actually was.

The other was a black slip dress that Rose gave her because she said it didn’t fit her but she had waited too long to return it so Rey traded one of her floral dresses for it. Mainly because Rose insisted it would look good on her. That had been so long ago before Rey ever imagined a situation where she would wear it. She just thought it was so pretty. But looking at it now, she wonders if it would even suit her. She doesn’t normally wear anything like it.

But instantly, it’s the one Finn points to. “This one.”

He’s right. She should try it. 

“But you have to wear your heels. I’m not letting you go to Shan’s in those old boots.”

“I hate walking in the heels. I’ll bite it just tackling the stairs.”

“Like Ben wouldn’t immediately offer to carry you,” Finn laughs.

Ben probably would.

Rey blushes and decides she can’t have Finn teasing her. “Alright, thank you for your input but shoo.”

She points him back towards the hallway but he fiddles with the things on her desk as he goes. “And you should wear this lipstick.”

“Go!” 

Finn cackles as he leaves and shuts the door behind him. 

Rey finally puts the black dress on. The straps are so thin she can’t even wear a bra with it. She hopes that’s not a problem since she didn’t have alternatives for that but she finds that the dress hugs her body.  The hem ends below her knees. It looks more elegant than she expected and it feels quite a contrast to the clothes she's used to wearing.  Not in a way that meant it was bad as she knew it was the style but she turned around a few times in the mirror until she decided she liked it. 

She suspected her usual boots wouldn’t cut it for a place like Shan’s so she concedes and grabs the black heels she got for when she had to inevitably go to teaching interviews and look professional. They were simple but effective and the pointed toe made her feel like an actual grown-up. Not to mention she bought them for nine dollars at a thrift shop so she’s glad she got them when she did. There was a tiny scuff on the inside of the left shoe but Rey had painted over it with black nail polish and it wasn’t even noticeable.

She battles with her hair for a while before she decides to leave it down. She doesn’t want to wear too much make-up, simply because she didn’t like to and she wasn’t good enough with it to even do so but she adds a bit more attention to her eyes and in the end does take Finn’s recommendation and puts the red lipstick on. 

It’s then that she can hear the knock at the front door and how Finn answers it. She can hear Ben’s voice and she instantly smiles, knowing full well how smitten she was.

She hears them make conversation and how Finn asks if Ben can get him and Poe a table at Shan’s if he has an in with the owner and that’s when Rey decides she can’t hide any longer. She looks to herself in the mirror one last time, wondering if it’s too much or if she should just give in to the uncertainty and throw the other dress on. That one seemed safer. 

But there’s an element to this one she quite likes and although it was darker and sleeker than something she normally might wear, she can’t deny she does feel nice in it.

So, she steps for the door, amused by the sound heels make on the hardwood. It seemed so impractical to be so loud but she’s committed to them now. 

* * *

“You clean up nice by the way,” Finn says, looking at his attire. 

“Thanks,” Ben chuckles. He was wearing slacks instead of jeans. He can’t remember the last time he wore them but he’s glad they fit. Unfortunately, he recalls he must have bought the suit back before he started to work out more because when he tried to put the blazer on it seized his arms tightly. He tried to make it work he heard a remorseful rip from one of the seams. So he had his leather jacket on instead but he still had a white button-down and a black tie, thinking if he took his jacket off at the restaurant he’d still look more formal than he usually does.

He’s not sure why tonight feels so different but his stomach flutters with excitement. Especially once he hears an odd sound from the hallway that he deduces to be shoes. Finn smirks and Ben turns around to see Rey walking towards him.

His brain short circuits for a second, nearly overwhelmed by how breathtaking she looks. 

“Hi,” she says softly.

“Hey…” he breathes out but he can hear Finn snickering behind him. 

“Ben, doesn’t she look nice?” Finn asks.

Rey rolls her eyes. “Finn–”

“She looks beautiful,” Ben manages, stepping closer to meet her and he holds out his hands for hers. “You look beautiful,” he smiles, shaking his head slightly as he almost can’t believe this is the girl that loves him. 

Her cheeks are rosy as she smiles up at him. “Thank you. So do you,” she says, her hands straightening his tie.

Suddenly, he wishes they weren’t going out to dinner. He wants to step through the hallway and go back to her room but that’s a little obvious with Finn right here and as much as his desires attempt to overpower him, he  _ would _ like to take her out to dinner, he reminds himself. After all, he wanted to celebrate her passing the exam that he drove her to in a hurry that ultimately led him to ask her on their first date. Tonight was important. 

So much has changed between them in the amount of time it took for her professor to grade the exams. 

“You ready?” he asks quietly because his voice doesn’t seem to go much louder. 

She nods, grabbing her bag and saying bye to Finn.

“Oh wait, before you go.” Finn rushes down the hallway into his room and returns in an instant with his camera ready and aimed at them. “Smile!” He cheers and they do, his hand sliding across her back as they stand together. And although Ben always loathed getting his picture taken, he quite likes taking them with her. He’s already smiling anyway.

Finn chuckles as he takes more than a few but Rey stops him. “Enough. You’ll run out of film.”

Finn moved the camera down but he was still smiling wide. “Fine, but you know you love it,” he tells them. “Have fun, kids. See you tomorrow, Rey,” Finn smirks, wiggling his eyebrows and Rey rolls her eyes but can’t hide her smile. 

“So cheeky,” she mutters under her breath and Ben swoons at how much he loves her accent. 

They step outside and Ben waits until they get to the stairs before he turns around. He keeps his hands on her waist as she waits on the top step and he sinks to the one below so he’s closer to her height. Assisted slightly also with her heels. 

But he kisses her swiftly because he can’t hold back any longer. 

It’s not as chaste as it probably should be as they stand in the middle of her very open complex but he doesn’t care. 

But as soon as he pulls away, Rey chuckles and she reaches up for his face, looking at his mouth. “Sorry, this lipstick goes everywhere,” she says, reaching into her bag until she pulls out a pack of tissues and starts trying to clean his mouth. 

“Stop,” she laughs at him. “It’s harder to get off when you laugh.”

“What makes you think I want it off anyway?” His hands remain snug around her waist, realizing how thin the dress was. 

“Well do me a favor and hold onto me because these shoes are unforgiving and I’ll make a fool out of myself.”

He chuckles softly as he pulls her closer and they tackle the stairs. 

* * *

Ben pulls upfront and instantly a valet jogs over to his side. Rey’s door is opened and she steps out to see Ben run around the side of the car to meet her. He offers her his arm and she loops her hand through to settle on his arm. Rey feels oddly exhilarated as the couples and parties waiting outside for a table look at them as they stroll to the front.

They step inside and Rey is amazed by the atmosphere of the restaurant around them. It’s beautiful and dark but also inviting and intimate. 

She feels Ben’s hand on her back as he guides them to the host’s desk but before they get there, a man calls out closer towards the dining room. 

“Kylo, my boy. You’re right on time.”

Rey turns around to see an older man dressed in a suit with his arms spread wide and smiling.

_ Kylo, _ she realizes. He’s Kylo here. Perhaps she should refrain from calling him Ben.

“Hello, Revan,” Ben says kindly, outreaching his hand to shake. 

_ Revan _ , Rey takes note. He must be the owner. Revan’s eyes move from Ben to look at her and he offers his hand to her as well. 

“Revan, this is my girlfriend, Rey,” Ben says, his thumb brushing past her side as his hand remains on her waist. 

Rey hopes it’s dark enough in the restaurant to hide the blush on her cheeks because of that word. They rarely exchange those titles in passing but it still sounds new enough to give her that reaction.

“It’s such a pleasure to meet the woman that has captured Kylo’s heart,” he says kindly. “He’s an extraordinary young man.”

“He is,” Rey can’t help but look up at Ben before facing Revan again. “It’s a pleasure to meet you too.”

“From what he told me, you’re quite extraordinary yourself and it’s rare to have an evening off so I hope you enjoy and anything you need I’ll see to it personally.”

“Thank you,” Rey says, almost feeling strange at how much it seems they’ll be doted on. After waiting on so many tables in a 24-hour diner, this seems so alien to her. But she’s intrigued as they follow Revan through to the dining room. 

They thread through tables until Revan presents them to a booth in the corner, illuminated only by candlelight. Rey slides in first and Ben does the same. 

He passes them menus that are leatherbound instead of the laminated plastic ones Rey is used to passing out at Dex’s. 

“And don’t forget,” Revan starts in a stern but non-threatening voice. “Tonight is on me, Kylo. I owe you one.”

“Well, we can argue about it later,” Ben chuckles as he shrugs off his jacket. “But thank you, Revan. This is great.”

He steps away with the promise of returning with bread and Rey can’t help but smile at Ben once they’re alone. “This is so nice,” she beams.

“Don’t get too excited. They don’t have waffles,” he jokes.

She chuckles, scooting even closer to him in the booth and instead they just look at his menu as that’s all they have space for.

“Should I not call you by your name?”

Ben shrugs. “Don’t worry about it. He knows me by this name but Revan isn’t like the other people I usually work with. He’s really nice and he looks after his family and business as well as he can. He just got in a tight spot and he wanted to do me a favor so I asked him to save us a table.”

“What did you do for him?”

“I helped him cover his rate this month since his son is on the east coast for school and he doesn’t know how to tell his wife they can’t afford the plane rides to visit him.”

“You paid with your own money to help him?” Rey asks.

Ben nods. “He’s good for it...not to mention he really wanted to repay the favor beyond money so I figured since we talked about celebrating that this would be fun.”

“It is,” Rey tells him, kissing his jaw softly, realizing as soon as she does, she’s probably getting lipstick on him again. But she thinks it’s really sweet of him to have helped the man out. 

Sure enough, when she pulls away she sees the slight red tint in the shape of her lips and she tries to smudge it away but Ben doesn’t seem to mind.

“I didn’t think you were going to look like  _ this _ though,” he smiles, no longer focusing on the menu. “I thought I was going to pass out when I saw you.”

“No you didn’t,” Rey tries to stay stonefaced but he ducks and kisses her cheek and she feels almost breathless.

“Well, that or I was going to mortify Finn by trying to undress you but I figured that wasn’t a very gentlemanly thing to do.”

Rey smiles. “Maybe not. But I doubt I would have stopped you,” she teased.

Ben looks at her and in the dim candlelight Ben’s eyes look so dark and she can’t help but hope they don’t stay at this restaurant for too long because she knows Finn was right when he said he would see her tomorrow. 

* * *

Ben could get used to this, he thinks.

He feels oddly comfortable amid this new environment and he knows it has everything to do with her. He even likes when he sees other people glance at them and he shouldn’t take as much pleasure as he does when people know they are together. But he can’t help it. He’s never had something like this before and he thinks he’d like to take Rey out to places like this more often and he wonders why he hasn’t. Perhaps just because he’s not used to doing these things and he hadn’t considered it and he wouldn’t usually come to a restaurant like this by himself. 

And although they were eating, the close and secluded angle to the booth allowed them to sit closer than they probably would if they were at a table in the middle of the room. 

They’re both nearly finished with their food when Revan returns with a bottle of champagne and even though Ben appreciates the lengths the man has gone to accommodate them he can’t let him start bringing things they didn’t even ask for. He doesn’t want him to feel like he has to smother them.  “Revan, you really don’t have to do that.”

“I’m afraid I didn’t, sir,” Revan says, not sounding as optimistic as he did the last few times he’s stopped by. He leans closer to him, speaking softly so Rey can’t hear as easily but he knows she can. “Mr. Snoke sent it over after he caught sight of you at the bar.”

Rey’s hand squeezes his leg at the same moment that his heart drops in his chest as Revan forces a smile on his face. He points over to the bar where Ben sees his boss sitting with a dead expression. But he holds up his glass in regards and Ben forces himself to wave back. 

Revan also forces a smile as he knows Snoke is watching now. “I hope I haven’t gotten you in trouble, but I will explain everything to him if he’s upset.”

Ben shakes his head. “I’m sure it’s fine,” Ben lies, uneased by seeing Snoke in a different setting that wasn’t his office and he suddenly realizes why he hasn’t taken Rey out to places like this. There is a level of exposure that toes the line of the other world he didn’t want to be in with her. He wanted to distance himself and Revan’s kindness distracted him enough to do it. 

Snoke stands up from the barstool and heads out to the patio with a look on his face that Ben knows he’s expected to follow. He sighs, looking at Rey.

“I’ll be right back,” he tells her softly, moving to stand up. Revan looks like he feels guilty and Ben claps him on the shoulder to lighten the mood in case Snoke was still watching. “Why don’t you bring out some dessert for us. I’ll be back in a moment.”

Revan forces a smile as Ben makes his way out of the dining room. He fidgets with the cuffs of his sleeves that were rolled up past his forearms. He nearly rolls them down to look more professional but he decides against it, leaving it be. 

He finds his boss standing ominously past the outdoor diners among some shrubs, admiring a fountain. 

Ben stuffs his hands in his pockets as he comes to stand beside him. 

Snoke already knows it’s him and he reaches for his golden cigarette case in his jacket, first offering one to him. 

Ben shakes his head. “No, thank you.” He’s been trying to smoke less lately. He doesn’t even really want them that much anymore.

“Hmm,” Snoke hums, taking one for himself and there’s a long awkward silence as he lights it. 

Ben clears his throat. “Thank you for the champagne, sir. You didn’t have to do that.”

Snoke seemingly ignores this. “So,  _ she’s _ who you wear ties for.”

Ben gulps, looking down at his tie. “It’s just for more formal–”

“She’s cute,” he cuts him off, and Ben fumes. He’s angered by the fact that Snoke has seen her. “I’ve never seen you with a girl. The other guys were joking about it but I imagined she’d be either some scrawny thing or someone you were paying...unless, of course, _you are paying her_ ,” Snoke chuckles. 

“I’m not.” Ben’s fists curls in his pockets, upset at what Snoke suggests. 

“But this surprises me. I never took you for one of those types to dote on some girl and fawn all over her and trace your hands up her legs when you think no one is looking,” Snoke insults rather casually, looking to the fountain instead of him while he takes a drag of his cigarette. 

But Ben hopes he’s just bluffing because there’s no way this old man saw _that_ from the other side of the dark restaurant. 

“I didn’t expect you to fall in that line...and while I don’t discourage you from getting whatever this is out of your system I hope this isn’t keeping you from work.”

“It’s not, sir,” Ben says, knowing better than to fight him on the claims he’s made. If he fights back it’ll just get ugly and he has to stay calm. 

“You know, you should seriously consider the offer of extending your abilities with the First Order. I know you think debt collecting is so comfortable as you’ve rarely done anything else...however, now that we know you’re interested in young women, there’s only so much cash you’ll have to burn. Because you’ll quickly realize that once the cash flow ends, so do their attentions. If you want to keep her around, you should be thinking ahead.”

Ben shakes his head, “She’s not like tha–”

“They always are. You’ll learn,” Snoke snaps knowingly but his stance remains relaxed as he smokes. The contrast to the tension Ben feels now caused by such anger makes him seethe.

_ Snoke doesn’t even know Rey.  _

“Men like us don’t ever get to keep one around for too long. You’ll seldom want to,” Snoke chuckles. “You should know sooner rather than later that  _ variety _ prevails in the end. It keeps things simple. In the meantime, just make sure you’re not getting too attached...and try to have some fun before you realize she’s just trying to fuck you over.” Snoke pats him on the shoulder as he drops his cigarette right in front of Ben’s shoes and steps on it. “Just don’t be surprised when she does.”

Snoke steps away then seems to leave entirely. Ben didn’t know if he came to Shan’s to eat by coincidence or if he was suspicious of Ben’s behavior the past few months...or if he could tell Revan didn’t pay his rate by himself. 

But after that conversation, Ben can only think of how much he absolutely and passionately despises that man with an intensity that has never been more clear to him than now. 

He takes a few deep breaths, trying to refrain from shouting and ripping the stupid shrub from the ground and throwing it as far as he could but he knows that’s irrational and not good for Revan’s business.

He steadies himself before he makes his way back inside and heads back for where Rey was. He finds her worried eyes from across the room. She’s sitting with an untouched sundae in front of her that was melting over the sides as she waits for him. And although Revan brought the champagne the glasses were empty but he doesn’t blame Rey for not drinking it. Afterall, Snoke sent it.

“It’s okay,” he says instinctively but his voice is not convincing. He slides beside her by the booth, feeling more paranoid than he did earlier. Rey gently runs a hand past his arm and urges him to meet her eyes. 

“That was him?” she asks gravely.

Ben knows she means Snoke. And he also knows how she already dislikes him after the stories he’s told her.

He nods. “Yes.”

Rey’s breath catches and seems to shudder. “He looks so–”

“I know.”

“Did he know that you helped Revan?”

Ben shakes his head. “I don’t think so,” although he can’t know for sure. He glances back across the restaurant to make sure that Snoke wasn’t there anymore. He can’t see him. Maybe he left.

“Then what did he say?” Rey asks softly, her thumb softly caressing his wrist and it calms him just enough to not growl when he speaks. 

“He...talked about you.”

Her brows furrow. “Why?”

“He just wanted to mess with my head. It doesn’t matter.” He just wants to forget. Usually, he can just roll past it but it still burns under him. 

Because usually Snoke is just cryptic and shitty about him and Ben was usually inclined to agree with him on those accounts. But now those insults have been directed towards Rey and he starts to realize how much he truly hates him. 

Snoke can say whatever he wants about him. But if he’s going to start saying shit about Rey, Ben wasn’t going to tolerate it. 

But Rey’s hand runs past his back and he takes a deep breath. “What did he say?” she asks gently. 

Ben looks to her, struck by her concern for him. She truly cared about him in a way that he can’t recall anyone ever being and he reminds himself that Snoke can think whatever he wants. 

Rey wasn’t anything like what Snoke expected her to be. He doesn’t understand what they share. 

He slides his fingers through hers. “He said–”

Just then Revan returns with a nervous look on his face. “Is everything okay?”

Ben forces a calm smile, “Yeah. No worries. He didn’t mention anything.”

Revan’s shoulders slump in relief. “I’m sorry if I caused you a problem. I swear I’ll get you that money by Monday and then I won’t let this happen again.”

“It’s okay,” Ben says. “Let me at least tip you for tonight’s service. You’ve been great. We had a lovely time,” he says, glancing at Rey and she nods.

Revan shakes his head. “No, please. You saved my ass. This was nothing.”

Ben still tries to reach for his wallet. 

“And I’d just like to say,” Revan starts, “You two really make a beautiful couple. Not to sound totally vain but you remind me a little of my wife and I when we first started dating.”

Ben smiles but thankfully Rey finds words first. “Thank you. That’s so sweet.”

“I hope you two come back whenever you like. Consider this table yours whenever you need it.”

Ben chuckles as they move to stand up and Ben offers his hand to shake but his palm hides cash, forcing Revan to take it. “Thanks, Revan.”

“No, thank you,” the man smiles, clapping him on the shoulder. “You know, in all the years you’ve come here you’ve never come for dinner but I’m glad you did. I’m glad to know you better, Kylo.”

“You too,” Ben says.

And then he waves with the money in his hands. “And don’t think you’re not getting this back on Monday,” he says and Ben just rolls his eyes. Apparently, Revan wasn’t going to make it easy for him.

Ben grabs his jacket and settles it over Rey’s bare shoulders as they step outside. She smiles but looks worried. He is certain the smile he tries to give does little to ease anything. 

* * *

After they left the restaurant, they got back in his car and Rey gathered they must be headed for his house as she hoped they would. Ben had put his leather jacket around her shoulders and she loved it even if it was too big and the sleeves went past her hands. 

But she can’t help but feel like the mood had changed ever since he spoke to his boss. 

Rey wasn’t prepared to get a look at the man. There was a moment when she looked across the room to where Revan had pointed and she made full eye contact with a man who had the most chilling expression she’d ever seen. 

Her stomach turned as she now knew the face of the man who had offered Ben a job when he was eighteen and confused. And when the man walked back through the restaurant after speaking with Ben on the patio, he looked to her from across the dining room. He gave her a wave but Rey felt a near chill in her bones. There was something eerie about him. Even if she had no idea who he was, Rey thinks she still would have shivered as his piercing eyes focused on her.

She’s never truly hated someone without actually knowing them the way she does with this man. And she can tell whatever he told Ben hurt him. Ben hasn’t quite said what but it was clear enough it had been about her.

It was still bothering him, she could tell. She tries to think of what to say but instead, the music plays and it doesn’t take too long before they pull up in his driveway. When he turns the car off though he doesn’t move to get out and his eyes are cast down. 

Rey unbuckles, scooting closer to him. “Are you okay?” She knows he’s not.

He seems to be in deep thought but his hands finally slump off the steering wheel into his lap. "I don't–" he starts but resigns, starting over. "I can't even take you out to dinner without remembering I don't deserve something like this."

"Ben, you–"

His voice is tense as he speaks over her. “Rey, I want so badly to be the person that’s good for you. But I feel like every time I think I could be, something happens and it reminds me why I’m not.”

“But you are,” she says, her throat tight suddenly from emotion. It’s quiet for a long moment after and she wonders what he’s thinking but if she asks she’ll probably start crying. She knows the pressures of his job and his doubts in himself convince him that they won’t work out. 

“Do you think–” he starts but instantly bites his tongue, shaking his head. “Nevermind.”

“What? Tell me.” She hopes she can convince him this will work. _That they will work._ She doesn’t want this to end. Her heart swells beyond its usual size as if it suspects it's about to be shattered.

He sighs before finally looking to her again. “Did you mean it when you said you’d think I’d like school?”

She wasn’t expecting that. She can’t find her words to respond as she was prepared for a different conversation but she nods. “Y-Yes.”

“I mean...it’s not like I can just leave. But maybe it’s worth trying. I could start small. Take some classes or something. See if I like it. And maybe it could help me get a job. Like a  _ real job _ .”

Rey clings to his arm, realizing what he's saying. Very different from what she expected. “Yeah?”

He nods. “Rey, I...I hate him so much. I hate what he does. I hate what he makes me do...I hate what he says and that I just let him say it. I don’t want to be like him. I need to…I need to _change._ Even if it’s hard, I can’t let myself get stuck anymore.”

Rey tears up as she listens to him. 

“It’s not an overnight change. And I don’t know how the hell I’d even figure out how to leave the First Order but I can’t risk turning into that bastard. I’m not going to let him talk me into being just like him. I’m nothing like him.”

“You’re not,” she agrees, even if she never met the man in question but she knows well enough. But she thinks to earlier. “What did he say to you?” Ben said it was about her.

He looks at his hands. “He doesn’t understand who you are, or how much you mean to me. He just tries to say that it's hopeless and that...you’d only be interested in me for money or that you’d leave me.”

“ _Ben_ ,” he has to know that’s not true. 

“I know,” he says with a nod. “Still, it just...I didn’t realize how much I hate him until just now. And he keeps telling me I need to move up and I know he’s not going to stop pestering me until I do. Before this, maybe I would have given in eventually. But now I know I can’t. I let him convince me the first time but I’m not going to do it again. And above everything else...he’s just wrong about you. He’s wrong about everything.” She hears his voice waver slightly.

Rey squeezes his hand. “Ben, this man doesn’t respect you...he’s no different than someone like Plutt that thinks he can just take advantage of people.”

Ben turns to her finally. His hand rises to her face but he brushes past her cheek where there had once been a bruise. His lip trembles slightly as he looks at her. 

“You shouldn’t have to feel like that anymore,” Rey tells him softly. “You never did.”

He nods. “I want to do better and I think...I think you’re right. Maybe I could find something I want to do. Something good. Like you or Finn or Poe.”

Rey smiles, running a hand through his hair. 

She really does love him.

“And maybe you could help me figure out where to go or how to get classes. I probably couldn’t get into your school but I could start at a junior college and get some credits.” He looks out at the driveway but seems to try and organize it in his head. To visualize it. “I guess I never really graduated so I don’t have an actual diploma but I could–”

Rey takes hold of his face and kisses him firmly, elated by what he says. She’s so proud of him. When she pulls away, breathless she finds his eyes but finds herself distracted by his lips, now completely smeared with her lipstick.

She’s going to have to find a different brand or something. But she focuses back on the more important matter.

“Ben, I’ll help you with anything. Anything you need.”

His eyes shine as he looks at her. 

Whatever he looks to pursue, she would be there for him and she knows it must feel so alien to him. To not only realize he has the freedom to choose but that someone would want to help him. He wants a way out of this life that he was roped into in one of his most vulnerable moments. Rey wanted to help him do it. He deserved that and more. So so much more.

"Thank you," he breathes out.

Together they head inside. Once the door is closed and locked behind them they reach for each other. Rey kicks off her shoes, instantly losing a few inches but he lifts her into his arms as he carries her to his bedroom. She gets his tie loose and his buttons undone by the time they arrive and he settles her back to the ground to pull them over his head. 

But then he reaches to push his jacket off her shoulders and when he does one of her straps falls with it. 

She pulls the hem of her dress up. She wishes she looked more graceful as she pulled it over her head but once she’s free of the fabric and can see him again, he didn’t seem to notice any awkwardness. He’s more focused on the fact she hadn’t worn a bra and she chuckles as she pulls him closer and practically pushes him on the bed. He watches her reverently as she climbs over him and straddles his hips.

She can’t stop thinking of what he said in the car. She can’t imagine what a big step that must be for him after years of practical abuse from his boss. 

And she knows what he said is true. It won’t change overnight but it’s a move in a better direction. One she knows he’s deserving of. She noticed how he changed when he realized his boss was watching them. He tensed and his face paled. How many years has he put himself through all that because he thought he had to?

She braces her hands on his chest and she does not miss how he looks up at her. She always likes the way he looks at her but this time seems significant. He seems almost lighter now even though she’s on top of him. 

And then he smiles up at her. One of his cute toothy grins that she loves so much as his hands gently trace past her skin.  Rey’s breath catches. 

As odd as it sounds, that smile he gives feels like home.

* * *

Ben manages to get up to use the bathroom. But as he turns the lights on he catches his reflection in the mirror. 

His hair, for one, is _wild_. Pressed in odd directions from the pillows but mostly Rey’s hands. 

But the most prominent thing that stands out instantly is how his lips, his cheeks, his throat, his shoulder, and even his abdomen and hips had faint traces of red lipstick smeared and stamped across his skin. He chuckles at first at the mileage her lipstick seemed to have but he loved it and he half wishes it would never come off. 

He likes this version of celebrating. 

He likes how Rey has a toothbrush she keeps next to his now. 

He likes how she snores softly but denies it in the morning. 

He likes how some of his shirts disappear from his dresser because she likes to sleep in them and when she returns them it smells like her detergent. 

He  _ loves _ how she was immediately dedicated to helping him when he said he wanted something more out of his life. Something beyond the First Order. 

He loves how when he wakes up after a night she stayed he feels rested and happy. 

He loves how the pillows smell like her.

He loves her with all he is and to think how Snoke spoke of her at Shan’s strikes deep. Rey was right. Snoke doesn’t respect him. And he tries to play into Ben’s insecurities by telling him that Rey was going to leave him and he should prepare himself for her leaving. That he shouldn't bother. But for once, Ben’s not going to let Snoke convince him that it’s all worthless. 

Rey is the first person that seems to believe in him. Truly believe in him. 

As Ben leans in the doorway of the bathroom, looking at her cuddled on the bed sleeping softly, Ben is sure of two things. He’s never been more certain than he’s ever been about anything. 

_ One, _ he’s not going to let himself or Snoke ruin this.

_ And two _ ...he’s going to marry Rey someday. 

Maybe not soon. He knows in retrospect, it’s still early and it’s probably almost childish to think ahead in that way. But he doesn’t plan on going anywhere. He just has to plan on not messing anything up.

So...for now, he settles on  _ ‘someday’ _ because that's sooner than anything else he’s ever hoped for and it puts a smile on his face.

He goes to lay back down and Rey hums softly, her eyes still closed as she cuddles closer for him.

“Someday,” he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lengths I go to just so I can write Rey in a 90s era black slip dress is criminal.

**Author's Note:**

> [title based on this song of the same name by Jeff Buckley & Elizabeth Fraser and I think it's PRETTYYY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnPvnIKCJYA)


End file.
